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I am so very, very sorry, my friend. You and your bf are in my heart, thoughts and prayers often. It is very hard to lose so many in such a short period of time, and now to be the caregiver of your significant other is so very difficult I know. I am now my DH's caregiver because of his neurological health issues, out of the blue it seems. Two years ago he was healthier than someone 25 years younger. What a toll a sudden significant health issue can take, physically as well as mentally and emotionally. I think all we can do is take one day, sometimes one hour at a time, and try not to think too far out into the future. Hugs to you both.
Thanks. I know you are in a similar situation. Yes, it happened almost overnight. One day at a time is right, but the days are long and always the same. I look so forward each day to sleeping.
Thanks. I know you are in a similar situation. Yes, it happened almost overnight. One day at a time is right, but the days are long and always the same. I look so forward each day to sleeping.
I understand. Sometimes sleep is our only respite.
It is. Just lost another friend last Saturday. 61 years old. Ovarian cancer. Lasted less than a year from when she first saw a doctor last fall after she began to have some vaginal bleeding. In December of 2019, my same-age cousin died. She was 61 and in a nursing home with various medical issues. The next month a long-term friend died suddenly of a brain aneurysm at 55. Then my uncle. Then my BIL's sister. Then my mother. Then a long parade of people from COVID. It just has not stopped, and then last year my bf suddenly began to deteriorate and now he is neurologically impaired, bedridden, and terminally ill and I am taking care of him. For the love of God, WILL IT NEVER STOP???? Is this it? I am 64. Is this all the rest of my life will be, everybody I love just dropping dead all around, left and right, with nothing good ever happening again?
This is how it feels, like I am looking into a bottomless abyss of grief and sorrow.
I do have some better moments, but the darkness is always at my shoulder. I know it's worse right now because it's August, I'm a 9/11 survivor, and this is when the ghosts begin to rise every year. I need to keep in mind that everything looks dark right now.
I’m so sorry MQ. You have indeed been thrown the mother of all curve balls it sounds like. I don’t know how you face such adversity with no end in sight and not let it drag you into the abyss. My only advice is to try and take a few moments for yourself when you can. I don’t know if you have people to help or talk to in person, but you need that. I’m glad you have a little support here on CD too.
Posts about how women should stick around and care for men because they would do the same if the situation was reversed got me wondering as this didn't jibe with my personal experience. I've known of several men who left their wives to battle cancer without them.
So I did a quick Google search and it seems there have been a number of studies, and all determined that women with serious medical conditions experience divorce at far higher rates than men in similar situations, about six times higher.
A couple friends who recently went through treatments for breast and ovarian said that in their counseling for chemo they were told of these statistics and encouraged to talk with their partners about how cancer treatment would impact their relationship..
Both said that in their support groups, they talked about not appearing "needy" for fear of driving away partners who were frustrated with not being able to "fix it," were not comfortable with the caregiver role, or ...
Women are more likely to stay.
Men more likely to go.
Sadly.
As I've repeatedly said, I have no intention of leaving the love of my life. We'll figure this out.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,259 posts, read 4,326,350 times
Reputation: 13471
I don't believe a word you say. These two quotes from you in this thread are diametrically opposed. Was it an "okay marriage" or is he the "love of your life"? Make up your mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould
We've had an okay marriage, but nothing that would warrant years of this kind of devotion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould
As I've repeatedly said, I have no intention of leaving the love of my life. We'll figure this out.
I don't believe a word you say. These two quotes from you in this thread are diametrically opposed. Was it an "okay marriage" or is he the "love of your life"? Make up your mind.
You don't need to believe the OP. It's not your marriage.
Posts about how women should stick around and care for men because they would do the same if the situation was reversed got me wondering as this didn't jibe with my personal experience. I've known of several men who left their wives to battle cancer without them.
So I did a quick Google search and it seems there have been a number of studies, and all determined that women with serious medical conditions experience divorce at far higher rates than men in similar situations, about six times higher.
A couple friends who recently went through treatments for breast and ovarian said that in their counseling for chemo they were told of these statistics and encouraged to talk with their partners about how cancer treatment would impact their relationship..
Both said that in their support groups, they talked about not appearing "needy" for fear of driving away partners who were frustrated with not being able to "fix it," were not comfortable with the caregiver role, or ...
Women are more likely to stay.
Men more likely to go.
Sadly.
As I've repeatedly said, I have no intention of leaving the love of my life. We'll figure this out.
This is also the case when a partner goes to prison. A pattern emerges, lol. I know my honey would take care of me, though.
I don't believe a word you say. These two quotes from you in this thread are diametrically opposed. Was it an "okay marriage" or is he the "love of your life"? Make up your mind.
Could depend on the day. Some days I want to give up, other days I am glad I am there. If you are not in this position, you can't understand.
I don't believe a word you say. These two quotes from you in this thread are diametrically opposed. Was it an "okay marriage" or is he the "love of your life"? Make up your mind.
If you read enough of this thread to nit pick particular posts, you'll also know that this forum's purpose is to provide support and a safe place to vent to people who are caregivers to their loved ones. It's not a place for people to hop in and and start bashing.
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