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First off, you need to take care of yourself. This is THE worst thing ever. My sister has Alzheimer’s and I lost my husband of 40 years 3 years ago to a glioblastoma brain tumor. That wasn’t nearly as bad as my sister’s Alzheimer’s.
Make sure you have activities outside the house. Take walks. Find book clubs. Interact with other people.
__________________ Solly says — Be nice!
Last edited by Tallysmom; 09-20-2022 at 01:38 PM..
OP, I experienced everything you wrote with my mother, who ended up with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and frontal lobe dementia (sometimes called Frontotemporal dementia, I think).
The difference is that your mother is still active outside the home and can run errands like shopping. I was a bit horrified that she is taking care of a baby, though. Are the parents really that out of options? I guess that's none of my business, but I would be wary. She may be doing those things now, but there is no guarantee as to how long.
Tthe only thing you can do is adjust to this new reality, because you are the one who isn't deteriorating mentally. As difficult as it is to just give in and go with the flow, that's what is best, and needed.
It's really uncanny how everthing you described is what I went through with my mother. She was 84-86 during that time period, btw. The stubbornness isn't really a personality flaw at that point, but rather them trying to hold on to something tangible, even if it isn't tangible.
Another thing is pride. Pride that stems from realizing that they were once totally in control, and now really are not. It can be soul-crushing. I would find my mother staring off into space with a tear going down her cheek. I think that's when I finally "got it." Makes me sad to remember it... She was once like your mom: "no flies on her" as she would say. Very active and social. Had to give it all up.
I agree that all crucial papers should be in order, because sometimes things deteriorate quickly. Other times it's a long, slow slide. My mother's slide was pretty rapid. What I realized a bit late was that her argumentativeness and stubbornness wasn't due to her lifelong personality (which was true), it was her brain's deterioration. It was really difficult to discern so I finally opted on the side of brain deterioration rather than her "orneriness."
Take care of yourself as much as you can! A lot of us here have gone through this situation and are hear to help.
Thanks again for the advice. I've got a lot to think about and go though. It's weird living with her and seeing the details day in and day out that others don't see. That even I didn't see before I moved in.
I forgot to add she can be grumpy a lot too. I was reading up on things based on the posts here and that can also be a sign, but I also know she's in a lot of pain from arthritis and such (and frankly, I would be grumpy too if I hurt all the time).
I am not very comfortable with her babysitting either, but I work from home, so I am here when she's babysitting. I check in on her and the baby a lot. The parents are looking for alternative arrangements and I think they have something lined up for October.
And I actually did join a book club. haha. I can't make it to a meeting until November though. I want to join a gardening club too and start a small veggie garden. I like being outside and fresh vegetables.
I wonder if Celebrex would help her, and if she can take it along with other meds she might be on. It really helps me a lot. There are differing opinions about long term use, and I guess I'll deal with that if I have to. It's crucial to be able to be at least 75-85% pain free in order to get on with life, even with your mom's situation.
I wonder if Celebrex would help her, and if she can take it along with other meds she might be on. It really helps me a lot. There are differing opinions about long term use, and I guess I'll deal with that if I have to. It's crucial to be able to be at least 75-85% pain free in order to get on with life, even with your mom's situation.
Unfortunately, she can't take NSAIDs with her other medication and other health issues. All she can take is Tylenol.
I'm curious to know whether the Tylenol works for her. My parents both used Tylenol as long as I can remember and they never complained that it didn't work. It does absolutely nothing for me, unless it is combined with an opioid which thankfully I don't need. I've been researching some of the newer drugs for arthritis and will bring it up with my doctor next time I'm there.
Hope there is something to help your mom feel a little better...
The "What" issue is very common and not limited to elderly or those are hearing-challenged.
If I was thinking about something, or reading or otherwise mentally engaged and my DH said something, I always responded "What" and in that small amount of time, his comment registered with me and I could respond.
It's as if his audible comment to me "woke" up my external senses and enabled me to absorb his comment. He didn't have to repeat it, I heard it, but my brain was otherwise engaged.
The "What" issue is very common and not limited to elderly or those are hearing-challenged.
If I was thinking about something, or reading or otherwise mentally engaged and my DH said something, I always responded "What" and in that small amount of time, his comment registered with me and I could respond.
It's as if his audible comment to me "woke" up my external senses and enabled me to absorb his comment. He didn't have to repeat it, I heard it, but my brain was otherwise engaged.
Agree, both my hub and I do it. He's hard of hearing, but it also comes down to I do my thing on my computer while he's doing his thing upstairs on his. One of us will say something to the other when we're in the middle of something.
It also could be mom has a lot of thoughts running through her head during the day, she didn't process it.
The OP's mother has been living by herself for so many years. The grand kids are a big part of her life. I think that may be part of the ice cream, in addition to OP's mom having a touch of dementia.
OP is used to being a mother to her daughter who just went off to college. OP now has to get used to being a caregiver to her once sharp mom who is now in a decline the OP was not prepared for. I've followed a few of the OP's threads. I wondered what she was going to be "walking into" that wasn't apparent over the phone or the few in person visits the OP would do per month. Being there day to day is a whole different ball game.
It seems the OP got her house sold to move to mom at just the right time.
Thanks again for the advice. I've got a lot to think about and go though. It's weird living with her and seeing the details day in and day out that others don't see. That even I didn't see before I moved in.
I forgot to add she can be grumpy a lot too. I was reading up on things based on the posts here and that can also be a sign, but I also know she's in a lot of pain from arthritis and such (and frankly, I would be grumpy too if I hurt all the time).
I am not very comfortable with her babysitting either, but I work from home, so I am here when she's babysitting. I check in on her and the baby a lot. The parents are looking for alternative arrangements and I think they have something lined up for October.
And I actually did join a book club. haha. I can't make it to a meeting until November though. I want to join a gardening club too and start a small veggie garden. I like being outside and fresh vegetables.
If she enjoys rocking a baby, I think it is wonderful that she gets to rock and care for her grand baby. Once the baby is heavier, and moving around, her arthritis will likely make that impossible, but right now, it might be just heavenly for her as well as the baby. Good that you are available to help out when needed.
Do take care of yourself. Plenty of sleep. Good food. Visit with friends. Do things you enjoy doing.
I would encourage you to install a raised garden bed. There is a company that makes metal ones about 31 inches high. Looks like a little bit of effort to put in on the screws, but when you are done you have a good looking raised bed that is easy to stand up at and pull weeds, cut lettuce, ... and the rabbits won't get into it. Your Mama may enjoy it as well. If you decide to do this, I would encourage you to get working on it this fall as it takes awhile to get it all organized, filled with dirt, and so forth.
I would asp encourage you to get a double rocker/glider outside. Maybe near a tree, a bird bath, or maybe a view of the the neighborhood.
Even though she may be grumpy at times, there are wonderful moments with dementia as well. My mother's dementia took her back a decade at a time, and I got to know her before all the work and worry wore her down.
There is no one in the world who will ever love you like your Mama does. Enjoy every moment you can.
Wishing you peace.
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Solly says — Be nice!
She was once like your mom: "no flies on her" as she would say. Very active and social. Had to give it all up.
