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There are a LOT of jealous people out there, trust me. It’s probably just human nature honestly. I do think part of it comes from a lack of self-esteem. Like just a simple example, if a friend of mine sells a script he wrote, I have two options let’s say: 1) Be happy for him, or 2) Be jealous and go over all the ways I’m better than him and he doesn’t even deserve this success. If I believe in myself, it means I know I’ll get there one day, so him succeeding is actually an encouraging thing - maybe I can ask him how he did it? Maybe I can learn something from him? If deep down I don’t believe I’ll ever make it, because my self-esteem is low, I’ll probably jump to #2 and just be jealous, thinking somehow the world is unfair and he didn’t deserve his success.
Think about it, people do this all of the time. Judgments about driving a supercar for instance, when some people - whether you know this or not - are worth $50 million, $100M, $500M. You’re more irresponsible getting a car loan on a Honda Civic than they are buying a supercar with cash they won’t even miss because that’s literally one month of income to them. But still you just hear, “Wow how small is it?! Jeez gotta show off like that.” Money is meant to be enjoyed, you can’t take it with you after all.
i recently upgraded to a house that is about 3 times the size of my last house. you think that i am feeling like my house is too big? no way, jose. bigger is better. costs are higher but that was accounted for when i was considering the purchase.
i have only detected jealousy from one couple and i attribute that towards them having a rough financial patch and i think it wont be there as things get better for them.
in my case, i figure people just see something that they dont have and want and so they resent it. not that i have ever had anyone actually express it or feel it has impacted any relationships. when i lived in my more modest house, i think people didnt really take any notice but now i can kind of tell that they do.
There are a LOT of jealous people out there, trust me. It’s probably just human nature honestly. I do think part of it comes from a lack of self-esteem. Like just a simple example, if a friend of mine sells a script he wrote, I have two options let’s say: 1) Be happy for him, or 2) Be jealous and go over all the ways I’m better than him and he doesn’t even deserve this success. If I believe in myself, it means I know I’ll get there one day, so him succeeding is actually an encouraging thing - maybe I can ask him how he did it? Maybe I can learn something from him? If deep down I don’t believe I’ll ever make it, because my self-esteem is low, I’ll probably jump to #2 and just be jealous, thinking somehow the world is unfair and he didn’t deserve his success.
Think about it, people do this all of the time. Judgments about driving a supercar for instance, when some people - whether you know this or not - are worth $50 million, $100M, $500M. You’re more irresponsible getting a car loan on a Honda Civic than they are buying a supercar with cash they won’t even miss because that’s literally one month of income to them. But still you just hear, “Wow how small is it?! Jeez gotta show off like that.” Money is meant to be enjoyed, you can’t take it with you after all.
I agree with you that it is human nature.
I think it is worse in America because America is a place you can get rich. If you live in Cuba, for example, no matter what your job is....you make the same pay as everyone else. Many people love the idea of that in this country but you can't get rich. In America, you can invent a great product and get rich off of it. I bet they don't do much inventing of great products in Cuba. But people see rich people and it makes them mad. And politicians stoke the class warfare.
it's all silliness, buy what you like that you can afford...I own 2 houses at the beach and drive around in a 10 year old P/U truck. I could give a flip what anybody thinks.
Jealousy (or perhaps more accurately, envy) juxtaposes with guilt. When I behold others’ possessions, I’m beset by a cocktail of feelings about desire for self-indulgence and fear (guilt) over indulging too much. This is less about judging others, than about self-judgment. If somebody within my circle buys a fancy oceanfront condo, my reaction is a combination of (1) “Wow, maybe I ought to do something similar? This is a great pleasure in which to indulge, and also perhaps a good investment. So, why not?” But also (2) “It is a risky extravagance. That condo carries high fees, taxes and insurance. Who wants to pay such property tax? Maybe it will actually depreciate in value? Maybe the neighbors will be loathsome, the street busy, the air conditioning bill too high. And how often would I even visit this place? Would it not be the case, that buying such a thing, is a gross and rapacious excess?” And then, just as swiftly, (3) if I never indulge, am I not just frittering life away? Is it not a greater crime against nature, to hoard and to cluck over one’s hoard, than to treat oneself from time to time, to garner experiences and good sensations?” And finally: (4) “Regardless, all is vanity… whether I save or spend, it’s all evanescent claptrap, and a demerit towards me, that I even bother with such things”.
The point, then, isn’t to show off in front of others. Not at all! Those others may be Philistines, of stupid tastes and poor judgment. Rather, the point is to show off in front of one’s own self… to impress oneself, that one is living wisely and measuredly, balancing the competing passions. But, whenever faced with an example of somebody buying a beachfront condo, or a sports car, or a ski lodge, or investing in some undervalued company, we’re jolted from our delicate balance, and come to question our own assumptions, or own values. We may envy the pleasure felt by the person who just made the purchase, but if we place ourselves in that person’s position, we may come to regret it, feeling guilty in having indulged, and thus not even being able to enjoy the thing in question. But then we berate ourselves for our own conflicted thoughts and limitations.
Perhaps, then, the real envy isn’t over what somebody has bought, but of their well-sorted state of mind, where they can enjoy the purchase without second-guessing themselves.
i recently upgraded to a house that is about 3 times the size of my last house. you think that i am feeling like my house is too big? no way, jose. bigger is better. costs are higher but that was accounted for when i was considering the purchase.
i have only detected jealousy from one couple and i attribute that towards them having a rough financial patch and i think it wont be there as things get better for them.
in my case, i figure people just see something that they dont have and want and so they resent it. not that i have ever had anyone actually express it or feel it has impacted any relationships. when i lived in my more modest house, i think people didnt really take any notice but now i can kind of tell that they do.
Ha, it’s funny how similar our situations will be then just time separated. My next house (hopefully next year, can’t take it much longer) will be about 3 times (not quite) the cost of my present house but it’s a new city and nobody knows me there except for my relatives. That makes it a little bit easier in my opinion because there’s just nobody there to judge. It’s all new neighbors and friends and they’ll only ever know me as I present myself when I’m basically starting a new life there. That can be a nice thing sometimes.
Still, human nature being what it is, you always have to be careful. It’s naive to think there aren’t plenty of pitfalls when you’re making new friends living in a luxury house in a gated community. I just hope to meet really cool people and I don’t care if they’re renting an apartment somewhere, if they like to laugh a lot and watch sports or play video games or hike or swim, no reason we can’t be friends. Unless they’re weird about it.
Ironically one of the coolest guys I ever met in LA and the only one I have really kept in touch with at all is the guy who worked at Subway near my condo. Being downtown, it was a block away and 24 hours, and I always am up late, so I’d see him every night just about. He’s the most happy go lucky, non-jealous dude who works hard and always made me laugh.
Ha, it’s funny how similar our situations will be then just time separated. My next house (hopefully next year, can’t take it much longer) will be about 3 times (not quite) the cost of my present house but it’s a new city and nobody knows me there except for my relatives. That makes it a little bit easier in my opinion because there’s just nobody there to judge. It’s all new neighbors and friends and they’ll only ever know me as I present myself when I’m basically starting a new life there. That can be a nice thing sometimes.
Still, human nature being what it is, you always have to be careful. It’s naive to think there aren’t plenty of pitfalls when you’re making new friends living in a luxury house in a gated community. I just hope to meet really cool people and I don’t care if they’re renting an apartment somewhere, if they like to laugh a lot and watch sports or play video games or hike or swim, no reason we can’t be friends. Unless they’re weird about it.
Ironically one of the coolest guys I ever met in LA and the only one I have really kept in touch with at all is the guy who worked at Subway near my condo. Being downtown, it was a block away and 24 hours, and I always am up late, so I’d see him every night just about. He’s the most happy go lucky, non-jealous dude who works hard and always made me laugh.
funny thing is that a large % of my friends spent more on their houses than me. i just got an amazing deal on a short sale property so my house is way more awesome. i would hope that current relationships wouldnt be impacted by you upgrading. i dont really think it has had any negative impact on my relationships. i dont see any friends getting treated differently based on their economic situation.
my wife views things differently than i do. she grew up with no money in puerto rico. my family always did well. so i know being seen as having money is more important to her than me. id rather people think i am doing just fine. though i did get the jp morgan reserve card and i do get a kick out of the reaction. so i guess im a little guilty also.
I live beach town-adjacent, and there are plenty of people who buy a condo or cottage largely so they can say they've got a second home in .... That segment of homebuyers is often annoying in other ways as well.
Fortunately I don't have a job that requires interacting with Those People (and I can tell you many a story of the worst of them pulling the 'I pay your salary' line on people I know), and I have a different set of recreational/shopping/dining/activity interests than most of them do so they're not really relevant in my life.
(And with me it's not jealousy. It's just as the housing prices have gone up near the coast, the people who buy them are also a different sort than they used to be. I like to say the beginning of the end in these parts was when the St. Joe Corporation decided to put in multi-million dollar beach houses where the nude gay beach used to be. When they had clothes on, the gay folks were a lot nicer and more fun than the people currently owning that stretch of beach)
Once a year I do offer up a 'thanks rich people with more money than imagination' because they pay a good amount of taxes on their vanity project every year, making the property tax rate for primary residences in these parts about half of what you'd pay in much of the rest of the state.
Last edited by beachmouse; 08-17-2018 at 04:52 PM..
funny thing is that a large % of my friends spent more on their houses than me. i just got an amazing deal on a short sale property so my house is way more awesome. i would hope that current relationships wouldnt be impacted by you upgrading. i dont really think it has had any negative impact on my relationships. i dont see any friends getting treated differently based on their economic situation.
my wife views things differently than i do. she grew up with no money in puerto rico. my family always did well. so i know being seen as having money is more important to her than me. id rather people think i am doing just fine. though i did get the jp morgan reserve card and i do get a kick out of the reaction. so i guess im a little guilty also.
Yeah my existing friends aren’t the jealous type, if they were they’d have been weeded out by now. They’ve known me for a long time and they’re happy, well off guys too. My poorest friend is the only one who owns a house ironically lol he’s a police officer and he’s also my youngest and most frugal friend. He does well for himself. But my other two friends are too busy to bother buying right now and it doesn’t make sense for my doctor friend because he couldn’t make the proper downpayment yet. At his income level I bet he gets something in the $1-2M range when he buys so he’ll be sitting pretty too.
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