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You should tell his parents as well SweetBabyKate, they might be really nice people and they might be thrilled to have a grand daughter....If I were you I'd not look at any texts from him, nor answer any more of his calls...he's not your friend SBK, your baby is more of a friend to you than he is,...I'd be devastated as a grandparent to find out I had a grandchild that I've not had a chance to get to know, or to at least buy some of the things she might need.
I would also be FURIOUS with my son for withholding that information from me.....for depriving me of the opportunity to have a relationship with my grandchild. I would also be furious with my son for not taking responsibility for his child!
I would only want to know if I was being invited to be a part of the child's life. If it was just a by-the-way, this child is has your blood, but because your son is a jerk you won't be considered family, I would prefer to remain clueless. Sorry, sore subject for me right now.
I would only want to know if I was being invited to be a part of the child's life. If it was just a by-the-way, this child is has your blood, but because your son is a jerk you won't be considered family, I would prefer to remain clueless. Sorry, sore subject for me right now.
Yeah, I know what you mean, Mattie. In fact, we've sort of had to deal with that one in our family. We have a grandchild that we don't see, but it's not that we're not willing...just that the family's crazy and manipulative AND chose to move a great distance away from here, due to their need to distance themselves from local law enforcement.....if ya know what I mean.
At least we know.....and that's good enough for us. There'll come a day.............
I would only want to know if I was being invited to be a part of the child's life. If it was just a by-the-way, this child is has your blood, but because your son is a jerk you won't be considered family, I would prefer to remain clueless. Sorry, sore subject for me right now.
Oh I'd never do that!! I'd love for them to be a part of their grandchild's life!!
Well it has been a relatively dramatic week. I spoke with the lawyer more at length. I was told that not only would a designee hold little water legally but that my daughter would more than likely end up in foster care until age 18 were something to happen to me. The lawyer said that the state views the blank spot on the birth cert as a father out there somewhere who has not had the opportunity to exercise his rights. Therefore any designee in my will would be ignored. He said she would be put into foster care while the state looked for her father. If they never found him she would more than likely stay there until age 18.
I spoke with her "daddy" and explained this to him. I asked him to please just sign the papers terminating his rights. He refused. He states he doesn't want any paper trail that could ever lead back to him and prove he had a child. I asked him if he even cared what happened to his daughter if something happened to me. His response was that I was being overdramatic and nothing was going to happen to me. I'm an RN and a former trauma RN. I know all too well how mortal I am.
One of my good friends took matters into her own hands and told one of his cousins that he has a baby. By Tuesday afternoon he was hysterical. Telling me that I was going to destroy everything for him. That he was going to lose his job and everything good he has going for him right now, i.e. the new girlfriend. He was demanding that if anyone asked I please please tell them I haven't seen him since last October.
His parents demanded a dinner with him on Tuesday night. Somehow he managed to convince them that it is all a big lie. Everything on that end has now died down. I was never contacted by anyone other than him.
I spoke with the attorney general today. They said that if he refuses to cooperate with them that there is little they can do. They stated that since he isn't listed on the birth cert that they cannot force him to take a paternity test.
I'm left with little option but to pursue him on my own with my attorney for paternity. It is going to be VERY expensive.
I am giving him one last opportunity to step up and sign papers and do what is right. My attorney has even offered to make sure the records are completely sealed. But if he refuses then I'm going to go after him and stick him for child support. However, if he refuses, prior to spending such a huge amount of money I am going to contact his parents via email. I'm going to include the pictures I mentioned in my earlier post but I am also going to include screen shots of all the text messages where he admits that she is his baby and the screen shots saying he doesn't want her and doesn't care what happens to her.
Oh I'd never do that!! I'd love for them to be a part of their grandchild's life!!
Well it has been a relatively dramatic week. I spoke with the lawyer more at length. I was told that not only would a designee hold little water legally but that my daughter would more than likely end up in foster care until age 18 were something to happen to me. The lawyer said that the state views the blank spot on the birth cert as a father out there somewhere who has not had the opportunity to exercise his rights. Therefore any designee in my will would be ignored. He said she would be put into foster care while the state looked for her father. If they never found him she would more than likely stay there until age 18.
I spoke with her "daddy" and explained this to him. I asked him to please just sign the papers terminating his rights. He refused. He states he doesn't want any paper trail that could ever lead back to him and prove he had a child. I asked him if he even cared what happened to his daughter if something happened to me. His response was that I was being overdramatic and nothing was going to happen to me. I'm an RN and a former trauma RN. I know all too well how mortal I am.
One of my good friends took matters into her own hands and told one of his cousins that he has a baby. By Tuesday afternoon he was hysterical. Telling me that I was going to destroy everything for him. That he was going to lose his job and everything good he has going for him right now, i.e. the new girlfriend. He was demanding that if anyone asked I please please tell them I haven't seen him since last October.
His parents demanded a dinner with him on Tuesday night. Somehow he managed to convince them that it is all a big lie. Everything on that end has now died down. I was never contacted by anyone other than him.
I spoke with the attorney general today. They said that if he refuses to cooperate with them that there is little they can do. They stated that since he isn't listed on the birth cert that they cannot force him to take a paternity test.
I'm left with little option but to pursue him on my own with my attorney for paternity. It is going to be VERY expensive.
I am giving him one last opportunity to step up and sign papers and do what is right. My attorney has even offered to make sure the records are completely sealed. But if he refuses then I'm going to go after him and stick him for child support. However, if he refuses, prior to spending such a huge amount of money I am going to contact his parents via email. I'm going to include the pictures I mentioned in my earlier post but I am also going to include screen shots of all the text messages where he admits that she is his baby and the screen shots saying he doesn't want her and doesn't care what happens to her.
SweetBabyKate...you must realize that you don't HAVE to pursue establishing paternity? Why bother if it's going to put you out a huge amount of money? Use that money for you and the child instead...even if the courts DID order a paternity test, and even if it did show him to be the father, what then?, you can't squeeze money out of a rock.....I think you should just forget about that deadbeat, I wouldn't spend ANY money trying to get the jerk to live up to his responsibilities, though I do like (very much) your idea of presenting your proof of fatherhood to his parents...absolutely!
SweetBabyKate...you must realize that you don't HAVE to pursue establishing paternity? Why bother if it's going to put you out a huge amount of money? Use that money for you and the child instead...even if the courts DID order a paternity test, and even if it did show him to be the father, what then?, you can't squeeze money out of a rock.....I think you should just forget about that deadbeat, I wouldn't spend ANY money trying to get the jerk to live up to his responsibilities, though I do like (very much) your idea of presenting your proof of fatherhood to his parents...absolutely!
I agreed with this, until I reread the OP's most recent post. If paternity isn't established, and he doesn't relinquish his rights, then she cannot name a guardian, as the courts would waste time tracking down the child's father. So, in order to protect her child, she doesn't have much choice at this point.
What a mess. Do what is necessary including involving his parents if it might guarantee your child is not put in foster care if you are incapacitated or dead. I would just go ahead and send everything to his parents with a timeline. Not to blackmail them but to let them know they have a grandchild and their son is a complete fool who is thinking only about himself. You back is against the wall now. Don't communicate any more with him. He has made it abundantly clear where he stands. Only outside forces - his parents- can bring any change now.
good luck.
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