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It is extraodinarily rude and controlling for my daughter to deliberately keep secret what my grandkids want for Christmas simply because she doesn't want me to buy them a specific gift.
If this is how she truly wants to parent, then she should have the chutzpah to say it to my face.
"Sorry but the items at the top of the list are for me to get because I am their mother. You can get them something else."
But instead, it's all very cloak and dagger and a big power grab.
I have no problem buying them pajamas. I have a problem with the way my daughter tries to control the gift-giving dynamic. It's sad and disturbing.
Have you had the chutzpah to say your feelings to her face? Give her all of the facts, and tell her that you want to give nicer gifts than pajamas. Hopefully if she is confronted, then you will get somewhere. Maybe sit both of the parents down at the same time.
As a parent and the parent to the only grandchildren on both DH and my side of the family, I tell them what the kids need. Otherwise, we would be overflowing with things that I am not ready nor want to have. As a parent, I also want to be the one to buy that special gift that they have been wanting.
Maybe if you would back off a bit, and stop being so aggressive it would help the communication with your daughter.
and BTW, there is nothing deceitful about what your dd is doing.
It is extraodinarily rude and controlling for my daughter to deliberately keep secret what my grandkids want for Christmas simply because she doesn't want me to buy them a specific gift.
If this is how she truly wants to parent, then she should have the chutzpah to say it to my face.
"Sorry but the items at the top of the list are for me to get because I am their mother. You can get them something else."
But instead, it's all very cloak and dagger and a big power grab.
I have no problem buying them pajamas. I have a problem with the way my daughter tries to control the gift-giving dynamic. It's sad and disturbing.
i find this post sad and disturbing. let's think about who is really trying to grab the power here. hint, it isn't your daughter.
I wonder if the OP wants to be the "big hero" and buy the grandkids the big presents so that they love you the most?
Gifts don't buy love. For various reasons my parents never bought ANY presents (no birthday, no Christmas, no graduation presents, none) for any of their grandchildren. Occasionally, my father would find a special rock or colored leaf or pretty wildflowers while on nature walks and give them to a grandchild or write a poem for them. Or my mother may share a special recipe or cooking tip but no presents, ever!
Yet, their love and caring for their grandchildren was so strong that all of their grandchildren loved them deeply. My son wrote a paper in high school describing how his grandfather was the person who he admired most in the world. My brother, his wife & his children wrote a 500 pagebook which started out as stories about my parents and their grandchildren.
OP, I wouldn't worry about who buys what big present for what grandkid, just be the kind of grandmother who can give your grandchild a piece of ribbon (that had wrapped a present that you received) and your granddaughter loved you enough to use that ribbon for years as an extra special bookmark and a reminder of your love. Just like my daughter did for her grandmother, my mother.
i find this post sad and disturbing. let's think about who is really trying to grab the power here. hint, it isn't your daughter.
Agreed.
Maybe you could try to spend some time with them. Kids are pretty open about their wants and likes. It's sad that you have no idea what to buy a child for Christmas.
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