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And this is not about what you think. This is not about me wanting to give gifts that are unwanted or inappropriate. That's not what I am asking.
What is happening is that my daughter deliberately does not tell me what my grandkids want, so that she can get them the gift. In other words, if my grandkids want iPads and have iPads at the top of their Xmas list, I am not allowed to buy that, only the parents are. I am only allowed to buy the gifts that they want less, like pajamas or a board game.
I will ask my daughter, "Oh what does Cindy want for Xmas." Her reply is "Oh get her shorts, she needs shorts". Meanwhile what Cindy really wants is Legos and my daughter goes and gets her all the Legos in the whole store.
Methinks this is some kind of power trip coming from the parents. I find this disturbing.
I guess I am the complete opposite of this... we let the grandparents buy the "special" items for the kids, and we get them the "other" stuff.
I wonder if the OP wants to be the "big hero" and buy the grandkids the big presents so that they love you the most?
OP, I wouldn't worry about who buys what big present for what grandkid, just be the kind of grandmother who can give your grandchild a piece of ribbon (that had wrapped a present that you received) and your granddaughter loved you enough to use that ribbon for years as an extra special bookmark and a reminder of your love. Just like my daughter did for her grandmother, my mother.
I'd agree she wants to be a hero.
When my kids were younger(and this went on for many years with other grandkids, before my kids were born), my in-laws had a very grandiose holiday. It was overwhelming and by the time others bought for my kids they had way more than they could ever need. There is only so much a two year old can handle.
It made it hard because my MIL was so much ahead of the game with stuff, it was hard to figure out what we would buy or what I could suggest to my parents to buy.
This is not just a "holiday" issue. This same scenario plays out on birthdays, Easter, etc.I am not interested in being a hero or getting the big gift. I just don't like being deceived.I think it is possible to parent without being deceptive.Then again there seem to be a lot of other power-hungry liars out there, especially in this thread
This is not just a "holiday" issue. This same scenario plays out on birthdays, Easter, etc.I am not interested in being a hero or getting the big gift. I just don't like being deceived.I think it is possible to parent without being deceptive.Then again there seem to be a lot of other power-hungry liars out there, especially in this thread
Instead of focusing on being wronged, why not instead focus on appreciating what you have.
This is not just a "holiday" issue. This same scenario plays out on birthdays, Easter, etc.I am not interested in being a hero or getting the big gift. I just don't like being deceived.I think it is possible to parent without being deceptive.Then again there seem to be a lot of other power-hungry liars out there, especially in this thread
Wow, I can't for the life of me figure why you and your daughter don't get along!
Have you considered for a millisecond that people just don't agree with you? Or perhaps their parents are deceased? Or perhaps their parents are impoverished and buy what they can afford? Or, don't say it's so, but maybe, just maybe people in this thread are able to communicate in a mature and non-aggressive way?
.I think it is possible to parent without being deceptive.Then again there seem to be a lot of other power-hungry liars out there, especially in this thread
Whoa. Who exactly is the power-hungry one here?
This is such an inconsequential matter in the overall scheme of raising kids. Do yourself and your grandchildren a big favor, stop trying to out-purchase the parents, and open a bank account for the kids. They will think of you 10 years down the road when the toys and gadgets have been completely forgotten.
This is not just a "holiday" issue. This same scenario plays out on birthdays, Easter, etc.I am not interested in being a hero or getting the big gift. I just don't like being deceived.I think it is possible to parent without being deceptive.Then again there seem to be a lot of other power-hungry liars out there, especially in this thread
Where is the deceit in what your daughter is doing? And where are the power-hungry liars in this thread.
I'm guessing this isn't the only issue between you and your daughter.
It is extraodinarily rude and controlling for my daughter to deliberately keep secret what my grandkids want for Christmas simply because she doesn't want me to buy them a specific gift.
If this is how she truly wants to parent, then she should have the chutzpah to say it to my face.
"Sorry but the items at the top of the list are for me to get because I am their mother. You can get them something else."
But instead, it's all very cloak and dagger and a big power grab.
I have no problem buying them pajamas. I have a problem with the way my daughter tries to control the gift-giving dynamic. It's sad and disturbing.
They are HER children and not yours. Perhaps, she thinks that you should realize that the parents are generally the ones giving the items on the top of the list unless they are financially unable. Kind of ruins Christmas that there is a competition here I would think. So, when your daughter was at home, you told their grandmother what items were on the top of list so that she could buy them? I doubt the kids love is for sale going to the highest bidder and if that is the case, who gives the "best" gift isn't really the most serious issue. So, guess you and the daughter are pretty competitive, huh?
Wow, firstly you want to control how your daughter is raising her children AND you want to control the very conversations you're having with her? No bloody wonder she doesn't want you deciding what they get for Christmas or Birthday. And as for her being deceitful, maybe you should ask yourself WHY she's keeping things from you instead of trying to respect her boundaries?
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