moving to where the kids and grandkids live

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by no kudzu

I asked my widowed mother to make a huge move to be closer to us so that I could take care of her when the time came. I had young children at the time and had a friend who was dealing with a job, family and driving up and down the high way to tend to her ailing parents.

She had a very hard time and did not make new friends easily. She wasn't too much interested in our kids activities either. She was terribly depressed. I felt responsible and guilty but i did not want to spend every waking moment with her and encouraged her to reach out. She got lost on the highway trying to find a church function, made a very bad decision which could have cost her her life.

We soon determined she was in early stages of dementia so we all moved in together in one larger house. Almost ruined my marriage as her needs ate into my own and those of my family. Eventually after 10 years I put her in Assisted Living.

She kept saying "I never should have moved down here as I miss all my friends" but she conveniently forgot all her friends were dying off or making similar moves to their children. But if she had not moved to be near us who would have done for her? Who would have carted her to doc appts? Who would talk to the doctor and make important decisions and who would have protected her money?

I hope I don't do this to my children. When the time comes, I hope I will act in my children's best interest as well as my own.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by silibran

We did move to be close to our grown kids, and had planned to do so eventually, even before we knew we'd be grandparents. Two of our kids live fairly close to each other, so it was easy to decide to move to that area. When our two grands arrived, we knew we really wanted to live close. Luckily for us, our kids wanted us to move. I have never, ever felt that they wish we had not moved closer. I've posted in other places that it is a joy to see the grands frequently, and I treasure these times.

There is another factor in the move though. We didn't want to age far away from our kids. If one of us got sick, our kids would be a long plane ride away from us. It would be hard for them to give us any assistance. And that cuts both ways. We help out with the grands from time to time, so this would be impossible if we had not moved.

If your kids are unenthusiastic about your moving closer, and if you can't be sure they won't move to another place, then I can see that moving might not be the best thing to do. In our case it most definitely is the best thing.

My kids loved their grandmother into their adult years, by the way.

This post mirrors our experience as a family, except in our case the kids either got out of the military and moved to this area or requested an assignment within an hours' drive to be closer to us, as I did when my kids were young and we moved to Texas to be closer to my parents. Either way, whichever party moves, it can be wonderful for a family to grow up with those multigenerational relationships in their lives.

My kids got to grow up around my grandmother, who they all loved passionately (and who loved them back just as fiercely!). She lived till they were all in their teens so they are all lucky enough to have lots of memories of this loving, beautiful woman.

She is my role model when it comes to fostering a loving relationship with my grandkids. We are blessed to have three of them living within an hours' drive and we see them often. The other four have an Air Force officer for a daddy and move every few years and unfortunately are in Guam right now, but even at this distance we are able to Skype, and my daughter makes sure that they acknowledge every gift and letter with a thank you letter of their own. We love to get those sweet packets of letters, pictures they've drawn, school papers they want to show off...our six year old grandson even sent my husband $2 a few weeks ago, apparently because he was impressed when his "Tex" sent him a $20 bill for Valentine's Day. My husband said, "Oh wow, he shouldn't have sent me this! I need to send it back!" and I said, "Don't you dare...he thinks this is what men are supposed to do! He's being generous with you and all you need to do is send him a thank you letter."

If multiple generations get along well, it can be wonderful living close by. My elderly parents are still alive and kicking and my daughters make a special point to get their kids involved in their lives and to build those relationships.