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Your comments are very thought provoking no we don't need the money. My wife can't retire for four year before she has her 30 years in so she can draw her maximum benefits. We are fortunate that we do have a defined benefit plan through our company. But I am older and if I do perced her in death she will still have money to live on. I had a friend who lost their spouse and she was left with only her check. They had there life style based on the combine income. Once he past it was really hard adjusting to the widows benefit amount. Now of course I can always use a few extra dollars here and there. You're correct I don't know why I am charging her I just feel it's the right thing. I was raised to pay my way, my dad charge me rent soon as I got a job lol. Maybe If I don't set a rate she would offer more? But I don't want to strain her finances just to put a few extra bucks in my pocket . I just don't think it's fair to her or me doing it for nothing.
I agree.
Throughout the years I have observed many (not all, but many) young couples who ask their parents or relatives to babysit for free get a false sense of "entitlement" or just waste the money that they save on luxury items. I remember one co-worker complaining and complaining that her in-laws, who babysat for free, fulltime for two years, wanted to take off one measly week to visit their other grandchildren who lived in another state. My co-worker kept saying to us that she had to pay a day care center $250 and her in-laws should give them that money because they wanted time off.
She should have been happy for all of the money that she & hubby saved or happy that her in-laws could finally see their other grandkids, but she wanted the grandparents to pay them (so they could pay the day care). BTW, I don't know what her husband made but she made $40,000 a year and should have been able to afford the $250 for one week at the day care center (and to pay the in-laws, at least something). Sheesh!
I could easily list a half dozen examples similar to that from my experience. Charge her a reasonable, discount amount and, if you want to do that secretly put it in a savings account for her or for the child later on.
We did this when my daughter moved back home after college. We charged her a little rent, but then gave it back to her to help with her first apartment.
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If you were retiring early to do the childcare, and therefore suffering a reduction of income, I would expect the parents to provide some reimbursement. The same if you were working part-time and forced to give that up to do the child care.
Even if you have few activities, and are not losing income, I would expect them to at least offer to pay something for your time. You will most likely be taking the child to parks, and other activities when old enough, maybe even medical appointments, so there will be expenses. Around here what you will be doing would cost $1,500-2,000/month, so even if they pay $2-300 they are saving a huge amount.
A good reason for her to pay her dad: so she gets use to that extra cost in her budget. You need to outline with her how long you both plan to do this. Newborn care is expensive and I can't help but wonder how a daycare center can compare to one kn one care--so I think it's great you are doing it. But what about when your wife retires in four years? Or when the baby becomes a toddler? Are you going to want to continue fulltime care? What if you get sick? What does your daughter want to do for preschool? And there is after school and summer once she becomes school aged.
So, two things: Ask her to pay a nominal fee, because sooner or later she will have to pay someone and it's going to be a lot more expensive. It's better to build it into your budget now, but work with her on it (and make sure your wife is on board). Secondly, you and your daughter also need to discuss how often you are going to evaluate how the situation is going. It is a way for you to show that this isn't necessarily a lifetime situation, but it also gives her an out in case she has concerns with your care giving.
And again, your wife needs to be behind this 100%! It's easy for her to say you need to watch the grandchild when she isn't the one doing it. She might also feel bad that she couldn't help or be jealous of all the time you got, that she wants to keep full time babysitting after she retires, forgoing plans you two had already made. It can work out very well, but everyone needs to have open communication and a very thick skin.
OMG every point you have made, I tried to address with my daughter.
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Originally Posted by crazyme4878
A good reason for her to pay her dad: so she gets use to that extra cost in her budget. You need to outline with her how long you both plan to do this. Newborn care is expensive and I can't help but wonder how a daycare center can compare to one kn one care--so I think it's great you are doing it.
She actually seem to not get this point when I broached it to her. smh
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Originally Posted by crazyme4878
What if you get sick?
I also ask her to look into alternative care so she has a plan "B". I do have some healthcare issue that will only get worse as I age. Her retort was I ain't worried you'll be okay smh again.
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Originally Posted by crazyme4878
What does your daughter want to do for preschool?
I don't care, my wife will have retried by then. I will be almost 70 so no more full time baby sitting for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyme4878
but it also gives her an out in case she has concerns with your care giving.
Oh please let her not be happy and take the baby to a day care lol the women is so cheap, that it will not happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyme4878
And again, your wife needs to be behind this 100%! It's easy for her to say you need to watch the grandchild when she isn't the one doing it. She might also feel bad that she couldn't help or be jealous of all the time you got, that she wants to keep full time babysitting after she retires, forgoing plans you two had already made.
This is a non issue my wife is not the baby sitting type of women, she barely like our kids. She is fully on board with ME doing it and not her. I did most of the child care when our kids where babies. Don't get me wrong, she is a great mother and the hardest working women I know. But she was never that type of mother who made a big deal over our kids I hope you understand what I mean. I got her a WC Fields poster one time with this on it, "Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad" she loved it.
My single daughter(dad not in the picture) has a new born and needs child care when she return to work? She initial assumed I would be her child car provider when she return to work after the 12 week.
Your daughter needs to get some personal responsibility and find her own day care.
You already raised your children, she chose to have a child, and this is part of parenthood.
You said yourself she can afford it. I think she is being extremely selfish in insisting you do it.
Sounds like $ means alot to you. If you want to do it, why not just do it because you want to?
Great point if you miss where I said I didn't initially want to. But change my mind after my wife and I talk about why I didn't want to. Money has always play a part of any equation in my life. So yes money and my time matter greatly to me. One I have control over, the other is the
only thing in life I will not have enough of.
Great point if you miss where I said I didn't initially want to. But change my mind after my wife and I talk about why I didn't want to. Money has always play a part of any equation in my life. So yes money and my time matter greatly to me. One I have control over, the other is the
only thing in life I will not have enough of.
I think your trying to control probably hurts alot of people. The reality is that you really control nothing.
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smh again.
