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Even though you think you are helping your daughter you are not helping. She has chosen to be a single parent which means she has chosen everything that goes along with it, including figuring out how to pay for child care.
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Originally Posted by emm74
As opposed to married parents who have chosen to become parents and have therefore chosen everything that comes along with it? How does the fact that she's single make a difference?
I am speculating that CSD610 meant that, unless she was a rape victim, she agreed to have unprotected sex, and conceived a baby, with a man that was not reliable enough to provide child support for his baby. Or, she used a sperm bank to have a baby on her own. The baby's grandfather had absolutely no part in planning this child so why would his daughter feel that he was responsible to provide full time, free or low cost, child care because she couldn't afford to pay someone to care for her child?
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-10-2015 at 02:10 PM..
I am speculating that CSD610 meant that, unless she was a rape victim, she agreed to have unprotected sex, and conceived a baby, with a man that was not reliable enough to provide child support for his baby. Or, she used a sperm bank to have a baby on her own. The baby's grandfather had absolutely no part in planning this child so why would his daughter feel that he was responsible to provide full time, free or low cost, child care because she couldn't afford to pay someone to care for her child?
And again, how is that different from someone who has a baby with a partner or spouse but still wants or expects their parents to provide free childcare?
And in this case, the OP said that while the cost would of course help his daughter, the way any new parent would be happy to have free childcare, it's more about the fact that she doesn't want to leave her baby with someone she doesn't know. The daughter isn't saying that the grandfather/OP is responsible for providing care, she has requested that he provide it (which he has already agreed to do) because she wants the security of a trusted family member watching her baby.
And again, how is that different from someone who has a baby with a partner or spouse but still wants or expects their parents to provide free childcare?
And in this case, the OP said that while the cost would of course help his daughter, the way any new parent would be happy to have free childcare, it's more about the fact that she doesn't want to leave her baby with someone she doesn't know. The daughter isn't saying that the grandfather/OP is responsible for providing care, she has requested that he provide it (which he has already agreed to do) because she wants the security of a trusted family member watching her baby.
I read his post differently.
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Originally Posted by biggiE48
My single daughter(dad not in the picture) has a new born and needs child care when she return to work? She initial assumed I would be her child car provider when she return to work after the 12 week. When I finally told her I didn't want to do it, that really seem to hurt her. I didn't want to do full time infant care that was it plan and simple.
However after long consideration with my wife, I did agree to do it for her. She really needs the help and security of knowing the baby is safe and financial it would help.
Now she seem to feel I should just accept what ever she can offer for the child care.
.
Hmmm, it sounds to me that she is more interested in demanding that her father do it for free or for low cost that wanting the safety of a family member. He mentioned finances several times.
If she really wanted him to babysit why did not she ask her father before she was pregnant or even while she was pregnant rather than "assume" that he would do it, demand it and demand it, after the baby was born, until he finally gave in after he told her "no" several times.
Perhaps, our perspective is different because I am grandparent age and I have had similar things happen to friends, relatives and co-workers (adult children assumed & demanded free or low cost child care without even asking their parents about it first). Perhaps, I am very wrong but I suspect that you emm74, are likely parent age and are looking at it from the perspective of an adult child wanting their parents to provide child care.
And, it is likely that your friends are of the age that they are the ones needing the child care & babysitting for their young children, not of an older generation who is expected to provide the child care & babysitting for young grandchildren.
Not that either perspective is wrong, they are just looking at the same situation from different points of view.
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-10-2015 at 05:30 PM..
Hmmm, it sounds to me that she is more interested in demanding that her father do it for free or for low cost that wanting the safety of a family member. He mentioned finances several times.
If she really wanted him to babysit why did not she ask her father before she was pregnant or even while she was pregnant rather than "assume" that he would do it, demand it and demand it, after the baby was born, until he finally gave in after he told her "no" several times.
Yes the financial consideration was 60% of the equation. My kid is tight with her funds and tends to take some advantage of us. The fine line between helping and using are a factor in my desire to charge a small fee. I'll admit I do indulged my girls, even though they are working adult. Honestly she likes nice things, and good for her. But it's time to change with the new born and sacrifice your wants for your needs. So my charging is a dual purpose tool, get use to paying something for child care and treat me as a employee. Respect my effort be on time don't expect to be late or take advantage because there will be a cost. It's just easier to set boundary's, if we treat this as a business arrangement.
I am speculating that CSD610 meant that, unless she was a rape victim, she agreed to have unprotected sex, and conceived a baby, with a man that was not reliable enough to provide child support for his baby.
You are over thinking by a huge margin. No one said he doesn't provide support. I said he is not in the picture ie The MARRIAGE WAS CALLED OFF!!! My God wtf are you talking about rape victim jeez.
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Originally Posted by germaine2626
was responsible to provide full time, free or low cost, child care because she couldn't afford to pay someone to care for her child?[/b]
Did you miss the part where I said she has a BA in Health Care. And almost 17 years with one of the nation largest HMO and work as a claims manager with a great salary.
I did say it would help her because we live in a high COL area and infant care can run $800/$1.2k a month
Biggie, you are prematurely digging your own grave by agreeing to take this grandkid on. You so underestimate the sheer physical toll it will take on you, not to mention the mental stress!
If you agree to provide your daughter's childcare, you should DOUBLE whatever you were planning to charge her.
If not, I wash my hands of this thread, and thank modern medicine for my tubal ligation.
You are over thinking by a huge margin. No one said he doesn't provide support. I said he is not in the picture ie The MARRIAGE WAS CALLED OFF!!!
I apologize. Since you did not mention a father (single parent by choose) or say that the father was paying child support I incorrectly assumed that there was not a father at all in the picture.
Quote:
Originally Posted by biggiE48
Did you miss the part where I said she has a BA in Health Care. And almost 17 years with one of the nation largest HMO and work as a claims manager with a great salary.
I did say it would help her because we live in a high COL area and infant care can run $800/$1.2k a month
If your daughter has a good income and is receiving child support than why shouldn't she be paying full price, or almost full price, for child care even if it is provided by a relative?
BTW, infant care often runs $1,000 a month even in much lower cost of living areas and even for people who do not have good incomes. Parents/mothers simply have to budget their money better, or save up for a longer period of time before they have a baby, or do similar things. That is what most parents do when they have a baby. Is that what your daughter did/is doing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by biggiE48
Yes the financial consideration was 60% of the equation. My kid is tight with her funds and tends to take some advantage of us. The fine line between helping and using are a factor in my desire to charge a small fee. I'll admit I do indulged my girls, even though they are working adult. Honestly she likes nice things, and good for her. But it's time to change with the new born and sacrifice your wants for your needs. So my charging is a dual purpose tool, get use to paying something for child care and treat me as a employee. Respect my effort be on time don't expect to be late or take advantage because there will be a cost. It's just easier to set boundary's, if we treat this as a business arrangement.
Yes, having you provide infant care for a very low cost would help her in the short run but would it help her in the long run, with prioritizing her child in her life and in budgeting her money? Please think about that.
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-11-2015 at 05:32 PM..
As opposed to married parents who have chosen to become parents and have therefore chosen everything that comes along with it? How does the fact that she's single make a difference?
When you (anyone) chose to get pregnant, you should be prepared to be a single parent. Your spouse could die or you can get divorced. You shouldn't rely on family to get you out of a pickle.
Perhaps its a cultural thing, and I am not a grandparent yet but I couldn't imagine charging my own daughter to babysit my grandchild. This would be amplified by the fact that she is a single mom, regardless of how much money she makes and the fact that you say you are retired so its not like you're giving up a job to do this.. Infant care is tiring but its also rewarding and you'll be building a bond with your grandkid - whether they remember it or not, there will liekly be pictures, stories of how grandpa took care of him/her and if the kid grows up to be any decent is likely to repay you in ways you may not imagine now. I know I hold a special place for my maternal grandma as she took care of me some days when I was a toddler and those are my earliest memories - grandma teaching me to potty. She has passed since but I always made sure to help her and treat her well when I grew up. This is family....
Been there, done that. I wasn't able to provide full-time care for my granddaughter because I was still employed but I babysat frequently at night, weekends and provided pickup and dropoff services for years. I was glad to do that. I probably would have paid for the privilege of having my granddaughter around. I wouldn't have considered taking any money for that.
Many years later, I babysat a non-related toddler 2-3 days a week (9-11 hours a day) for free to help out for eight months while the couple were having financial problems. I enjoyed it, but being a lot older by then, it really took it out of me. After eight months, I had to ask them to make other arrangements but offered to be a backup at any time.
Fast forward to this year. My granddaughter had a baby and had to return to teaching when her six weeks of maternity leave was up. Because the baby was underweight and had some tummy problems and had to be fed every 1-2 hours, she couldn't go to day care. I agreed to travel to their out-of-state home and provide full-time day care for a few weeks until school was out. I loved every moment of it, BUT it almost killed me.....I swear.
I had completely forgotten what taking care of an infant was like, especially a high-maintenance infant who didn't believe in sleeping more than five minutes at a time unless she was being held. That meant you had approximately five minutes for bathroom breaks and eating. Take a shower? Fuggedaboudit..... Take a nap? You've got to be kidding! Have a leisurely lunch? Not gonna happen! Everything has to be done with an infant clutched to your chest.....bottles, laundry, etc. Occasionally I could put her down and let her cry, but more than a minute or two of crying meant all the formula that had been s-l-o-w-l-y sucked down would now be brought right back up again.
There's a really good reason why 69-year-old women can't have babies.......Mother Nature knows what she's doing...
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