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My wife and I currently watch our grandson who is now 9 months old, been doing it since he was 3 months, 5 days a week about 8 hours a day(plus some overnights). It's enjoyable but not without it's challenges. Our son works two jobs and his wife works one. I don't know how much they make and we don't get paid, we don't need the money. Without going into detail, I think we are not appreciated by our dil. But we love our son and grandson, so we bite our tongues and do it out of love. Watching a newborn after 20+ years of not doing it, has it's struggles. So paid or not be prepared emotionally and in all other ways.
Sounds like $ means alot to you. If you want to do it, why not just do it because you want to?
bryan, do you have a physically demanding fulltime job where you work 45 or 50 hours a week, for free, with no vacation days and no sick days? And, are you 65 plus years of age & have health issues and probably do the lion's share of household tasks & responsibilities because your spouse is working fulltime, too?
If yes, I really congratulate you for your dedication and hard work.
If no, then perhaps your comments should be taken "with a grain of salt" by the OP.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-23-2015 at 03:03 PM..
Yes, you should be paid. You need to put a limit on how long you will do it in a "trial period".
Give her six weeks or two months. You will figure out quickly if this works for you long term. It's a huge commitment and feelings can be really hurt if you want to stop without a trial period.
You also have to consider if they will have more children and how long a commitment they will expect. Also, do you have other children who will expect the same thing? It's something to consider.
Throughout the years I have observed many (not all, but many) young couples who ask their parents or relatives to babysit for free get a false sense of "entitlement" or just waste the money that they save on luxury items. I remember one co-worker complaining and complaining that her in-laws, who babysat for free, fulltime for two years, wanted to take off one measly week to visit their other grandchildren who lived in another state. My co-worker kept saying to us that she had to pay a day care center $250 and her in-laws should give them that money because they wanted time off.
She should have been happy for all of the money that she & hubby saved or happy that her in-laws could finally see their other grandkids, but she wanted the grandparents to pay them (so they could pay the day care). BTW, I don't know what her husband made but she made $40,000 a year and should have been able to afford the $250 for one week at the day care center (and to pay the in-laws, at least something). Sheesh!
I could easily list a half dozen examples similar to that from my experience. Charge her a reasonable, discount amount and, if you want to do that secretly put it in a savings account for her or for the child later on.
bryan, do you have a physically demanding fulltime job where you work 45 or 50 hours a week, for free, with no vacation days and no sick days? And, are you 65 plus years of age & have health issues and probably do the lion's share of household tasks & responsibilities because your spouse is working fulltime, too?
If yes, I really congratulate you for your dedication and hard work.
If no, then perhaps your comments should be taken "with a grain of salt" by the OP.
If you are overwhelmed, don't do it. Charging your daughter $ for this will not help you feel more rested. There is nothing wrong with setting boundries and saying "no".
Yes, you should be paid. You need to put a limit on how long you will do it in a "trial period".
Give her six weeks or two months. You will figure out quickly if this works for you long term. It's a huge commitment and feelings can be really hurt if you want to stop without a trial period.
You also have to consider if they will have more children and how long a commitment they will expect. Also, do you have other children who will expect the same thing? It's something to consider.
Good luck OP!
Great points.
I have a situation in my extended family right now where the grandparents provided free childcare for five years to the daughter's children and now the son is married and wants to start a family. He asked his parents if they will provide free childcare to his future children, too. But the situation is very different now.
Grandma and Grandpa are now almost 70 years old. Grandma is showing some early signs that may turn out to be a serious health problem and Grandpa sometimes needs a walker and may need to start using a wheelchair in the fairly near future. They are not the fairly healthy young retirees that they were five years earlier. In addition, the daughter's youngest child is only two years old and she is expecting (hoping) Grandma & Grandpa to provide childcare for a few more years.
The son has made comments at family gatherings that it really is not fair that his older sister did not have to pay for childcare for five years (and possibly/probably more than five years) but because he is younger he may have to pay for it and may need to put his future children in an expensive day care center rather than have the grandparents watch them (BTW, his wife's parents are deceased).
I see how many physical and early cognitive problems that the grandparents have already and I just can't picture them at 71 or 72 or even older being able to safely care for their son's future newborn (possibly plus one or more of their other grandchildren). Plus, they have to worry about their own health. But, they love their adult children equally so what will they do?
Yes, OP, there are many things to consider.
And, for the posters (from previous threads) that always seem to be adamant that grandparents "should" want to babysit, and "should" want to do it for free, every situation is different. I know many grandparents who need to continue working well past retirement age just to pay their own expenses or need to care for elderly parents or a disabled spouse. Yes, in a perfect world, or in your family it may work out great but that does not mean that it is the best situation for another family. So, don't judge them for charging money, or for saying "no" or for setting up boundaries.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-24-2015 at 07:43 AM..
I think we can all agree that it is a slippery slope sometimes. There are considerate children, and inconsiderate children, and children who really need a helping hand because they can't afford it, and those who are used to using their parents to get a free ride.
I think there is a happy medium in here somewhere. I have never lived close enough to my grandchildren to babysit frequently, and I feel I've missed out on a lot. If I get another shot at it, and I live close enough, I would rather take care of any new babies myself, rather than have them with strangers. After the children are pre school age, I would feel OK to go to a couple of days a week and let them go to a good quality day care, where there are structured activities and other children to play with.
Like I already said, I would expect a token payment in return, if the kids could afford it, which in my case they could.
I'm saying this as a stay at home mom with a one year old, I think you're grossly underestimating the amount of work that goes into taking care of an infant for ten hours a day. I think it's great that you want to help your daughter but being a full-time caregiver is going to completely change your routine. Forget the money for a minute, really think about what you are committing yourself to.
Even if you don't need the money I think you should change her something. $60 a week for an infant is nothing and you shouldn't feel bad asking for that. In my area the going rate for daycare for a baby is about $250 a week. Your daughter is very lucky that she has you but don't let her take advantage of you.
I'm saying this as a stay at home mom with a one year old, I think you're grossly underestimating the amount of work that goes into taking care of an infant for ten hours a day. I think it's great that you want to help your daughter but being a full-time caregiver is going to completely change your routine. Forget the money for a minute, really think about what you are committing yourself to.
Even if you don't need the money I think you should change her something. $60 a week for an infant is nothing and you shouldn't feel bad asking for that. In my area the going rate for daycare for a baby is about $250 a week. Your daughter is very lucky that she has you but don't let her take advantage of you.
What you might not realize yet is that it is only temporary. Once a grandparent gets into a routine, then it is not that hard. A parent who has to balance a job with a baby has it harder than a grandparent does, assuming the grandparent is healthy.
We grandparents are, for the most part, bored to tears, and suffer from being the outsiders in life. We have plenty of time to give our grandchildren a lot of attention. At least, I do.
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