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Let me clarify a few things, all of the grandparents are pretty well off, so it's not as though they could only afford McD's. Also, like I said, I have no problem with treats. I do have a problem with them for every meal.
In the case of my daughter who got sick, she was 5. When grandma serves you donuts and Fruits Loops for breakfast, most 5 year olds will eat it. I'm sure she also felt it was rude to tell her grandmother she didn't want the breakfast/lunch/dinner she was serving and ask for something else.
And I sure as heck was not raised like that and neither was my husband. In fact, my mom would be the first one to point out when I needed to lose a few pounds and criticize what I was eating, even when I was in elementary school, but that's a topic for a different post. My MIL is actually quite fit. She won't actually eat McD's herself (she'll just get a diet coke). But again, when grandma just pulls up in the drive through, I'm sure my kids felt like it was rude to say, "I don't want McD's again."
It's not like I don't let the grandparents see their grandkids. But those overnight and 3 day trips? Nope. Not anymore. Not until they stop completely disregarding me and my husband and stop putting my kids in that situation. They are the adults, for crying out loud. They need to act like it.
Let me clarify a few things, all of the grandparents are pretty well off, so it's not as though they could only afford McD's. Also, like I said, I have no problem with treats. I do have a problem with them for every meal.
In the case of my daughter who got sick, she was 5. When grandma serves you donuts and Fruits Loops for breakfast, most 5 year olds will eat it. I'm sure she also felt it was rude to tell her grandmother she didn't want the breakfast/lunch/dinner she was serving and ask for something else.
And I sure as heck was not raised like that and neither was my husband. In fact, my mom would be the first one to point out when I needed to lose a few pounds and criticize what I was eating, even when I was in elementary school, but that's a topic for a different post. My MIL is actually quite fit. She won't actually eat McD's herself (she'll just get a diet coke). But again, when grandma just pulls up in the drive through, I'm sure my kids felt like it was rude to say, "I don't want McD's again."
It's not like I don't let the grandparents see their grandkids. But those overnight and 3 day trips? Nope. Not anymore. Not until they stop completely disregarding me and my husband and stop putting my kids in that situation. They are the adults, for crying out loud. They need to act like it.
Gurl, never mind the negative feedback if any on the thread!! I'm sure you want others views on your situation. However it all depends on what you decide in the end. You know your Parent's very well like the back of your hand. Respect is something that should be an exchange- period. They are teaching the children dis-respect in the worst way by dis -respecting you. I am a firm believer in people treat you how they wish to be treated. They should know this - Do onto other's as you would have them do unto you. Amen- Now let's put the golden arches Mc'D's to rest and all of the other irritants in the air. Your actions will be more like Lysol from this point on. Stand your ground!!!
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Hmm, last time we took our 4 year old grandson out to eat it was at an upscale waterfront restaurant. We wouldn't feed him anything we wouldn't eat ourselves, like McD. A little ice cream for dessert is simply normal grandparent spoiling, as is TV but I would definitely not let him watch something that his parents objected to.
It's not like I don't let the grandparents see their grandkids. But those overnight and 3 day trips? Nope. Not anymore. Not until they stop completely disregarding me and my husband and stop putting my kids in that situation. They are the adults, for crying out loud. They need to act like it.
Moderator cut: delete Spoiling children is what Grandparents do. And no, I am not a grandparent.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-01-2015 at 08:50 AM..
Reason: personal attack
I agree that grandparents should not show complete disregard for what the parents don't want the kids to eat. A meal from a fast food place is ok now and then but not as a daily or even three day treat. Yes I am a doting and spoiling grandparent but do try to follow the parents special instructions about food, tv and health issues/allergies.
JMO, but kids seem to have less problems with wanting/demanding fast food if they are in the habit of sitting down with a parent(s) or, grandparents or caretaker and eating their meals at home or at grandparents.
Mealtime was and still is mostly a family "happy hour" at my house. Fast foot is a treat and sometimes a have to case and is usually brought home to eat around the kitchen table.
What grandparents need to understand is that they have done their parenting. Their children are now the parents, and they get to make the rules, the same way the grandparents did when they were parenting. Your time of being in charge of the children is over. Spoil the kids, yes, while respecting the rules and boundaries that the parents have made. Don't give them food they're not supposed to have, don't let them watch shows they're not supposed to watch, and don't give them presents that are outside of the parents wishes. It is not difficult, and it is being respectful.
my in laws disregarded the ONE rule we had for my 1 year old at their house. Keep their ****ty terrier away from her. they didnt listen and the dog bit my daughters face requiring 7 stitches and a scar that reminds me of their inability to listen every day on her cheek. they live very close to us and would be great once and a while to drop her off so we can get a break but they know now if that if they want to see her they have to come to our house.
my in laws disregarded the ONE rule we had for my 1 year old at their house. Keep their ****ty terrier away from her. they didnt listen and the dog bit my daughters face requiring 7 stitches and a scar that reminds me of their inability to listen every day on her cheek. they live very close to us and would be great once and a while to drop her off so we can get a break but they know now if that if they want to see her they have to come to our house.
Why can't they put the dog in a carrier. I do not blame you for being upset....a baby should never be accessible around a dog that isn't totally submissive, and totally supervised.
My mom doesn't really listen to my rules either. It pisses me off but I remember my grandmother not listening to hers. So I have never curtailed her time with him.
HOWEVER; my mother in law will feed my child food with eggs when he is allergic and he comes home extremely ill. He also told me she smoked inside the house when he has asthma. So he hasn't been back there.
I am NOT a grandparent (yet). A couple of observations:
1. When the grandparents are watching the kids, more often than not, it's so that the parents have a free babysitter. This is obviously not always the case - sometimes you do it to ensure that they have quality time alone with the grandparents. But it seems like free babysitting is often the primary motive from what I have seen with others. So, let's not pretend that the parents are doing the grandparents some great favor; it's a mutually beneficial thing.
2. The grandparents disregard the parents' wishes because they probably don't agree with the parenting methods (of course, they can simply forget the instructions, too, but that's less likely for the chronic recidivists). In most cases, they feel the parents are coddling the grandkids too much, or are being too paranoid. People in different generations have different parenting norms. Hence, Gen X grandparents would be fine with kids playing by themselves in the backyard (afterall, you turned out just fine with that approach!), while the helicopter Millennial parents would be pooping in their pants because of an imaginary pedophile in the neighborhood. Moreover, Silent Generation grandparents never encountered the various food allergies that exist today, so they don't think too much of it or discount the seriousness of the allergy.
3. Like very young kids, grandparents have a mind of their own. You can't force them to do anything, and it would be cruel to limit their time with the grandkids to punish their behavior, and grandkids typically benefit from spending quality time with their grandparents. So, put them in a situation where they cannot (or are less likely to) fail, in terms of controlling the venue and surrounding environment, packing preferred foods and snacks, leaving written notes, checking in more often, etc.
4. Don't assume that more modern parenting norms are automatically better (or worse) than that prevailed back then. It's common to blow minor things out of proportion nowadays. A little hamburger or soda occasionally won't ruin the little kid's chances of getting into Harvard . . . or a federal penitentiary, as the case may be.
Mick
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Gurl, never mind the negative feedback if any on the thread!! I'm sure you want others views on your situation. However it all depends on what you decide in the end. You know your Parent's very well like the back of your hand. Respect is something that should be an exchange- period. They are teaching the children dis-respect in the worst way by dis -respecting you. I am a firm believer in people treat you how they wish to be treated. They should know this - Do onto other's as you would have them do unto you. Amen- Now let's put the golden arches Mc'D's to rest and all of the other irritants in the air. Your actions will be more like Lysol from this point on. Stand your ground!!!
