Calling all grandparents - just stop!! (kids, old, grandkids, child)
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Why do grandparents feel like it's OK to just disregard everything I say when it comes to my kids? My kids recently spent 3 days at my in-laws house. This was at their request. They've asked for years, and I finally felt comfortable with it this summer. I had one request - please don't feed them crap all the time. What do they do? McDonald's 5 times in 3 days. My mother is no better. My daughter literally threw up after coming from my mom's house because she had a steady diet there of donuts and ice cream.
Why do grandparent's think this is OK? If I say no Sponge Bob, that means no Sponge Bob. You have 150 other channels, for goodness sake.
This absolutely infuriates me. The grandparents think it's cute and funny. No, it's not. It's passive aggressive and irresponsible. And it's also the reason you don't get to spend as much time with your grandchildren as you used to.
IMHO, grandparents who totally disregard a parent's reasonable wishes are jerks.
Now, if your in-laws said "We usually go to McDonald's once a week. Is it OK if we take the grandkids one time?" that is OK but taking them to McDs five times after you said "no junk food all the time" was out of line.
Eh, which do you think is going to matter more to a child after their grandparents are gone, a tummy ache from too much McDs or not being allowed to see them regularly.
Yes, its rude for them to disregard your wishes. Yes, they SHOULD do exactly what you say. Yes, you are within your rights to punish them by denying them visitation with your children. But who does that hurt? You're kids.
Look at it in perspective, you clearly eat right and have your children do the same when they are at your home, which is 99% of their time. So does it really matter or will harm their health if they eat mcdonalds 5 times? Not really. But it might be a fun memory for them of how crazy kooky their grandparents were.
Why do grandparents feel like it's OK to just disregard everything I say when it comes to my kids? My kids recently spent 3 days at my in-laws house. This was at their request. They've asked for years, and I finally felt comfortable with it this summer. I had one request - please don't feed them crap all the time. What do they do? McDonald's 5 times in 3 days. My mother is no better. My daughter literally threw up after coming from my mom's house because she had a steady diet there of donuts and ice cream.
Why do grandparent's think this is OK? If I say no Sponge Bob, that means no Sponge Bob. You have 150 other channels, for goodness sake.
This absolutely infuriates me. The grandparents think it's cute and funny. No, it's not. It's passive aggressive and irresponsible. And it's also the reason you don't get to spend as much time with your grandchildren as you used to.
I agree with you.
My viewpoint has always been: if you disagree with a parent's rules, or feel the parent's rules are truly unreasonable, then don't look after the kids.
I'm 100% against this 'popular' viewpoint of 'when they're in MY home things will be done MY way'- I'd almost like to smack individuals who take that approach. In my opinion, it's less about eating unhealthy food than confusing kids- instead of having a clear set of rules, the 'rules' depend on where they are or who they are with.
If I were in your position, I'd make it clear that the rules you set are the rules to be followed, and if the grandparents insist on violating it then don't leave the kids with them. And tell them why.
Eh, which do you think is going to matter more to a child after their grandparents are gone, a tummy ache from too much McDs or not being allowed to see them regularly.
Yes, its rude for them to disregard your wishes. Yes, they SHOULD do exactly what you say. Yes, you are within your rights to punish them by denying them visitation with your children. But who does that hurt? You're kids.
Look at it in perspective, you clearly eat right and have your children do the same when they are at your home, which is 99% of their time. So does it really matter or will harm their health if they eat mcdonalds 5 times? Not really. But it might be a fun memory for them of how crazy kooky their grandparents were.
+100, but can't rep you LKB.
No lasting harm done, but if you hold your children hostage because of it, there will be. Appreciate the three days the grandparents afforded you, and teach your children that McDonalds is for special occasions only (if ever). Spending time with the grandparents is a special occasion.
In the grand scheme of things, it really won't have made a difference to the kids long term heath from 3 days of anything the eat! Biggest thing is not respecting your wishes.
For the record, I am totally not against McDonald's, donuts, or ice cream. But all day, every day is not OK. Watching my daughter cry as she's vomiting up whatever crap her grandmother fed her is not fun. And she told me that the reason she was sick is "because Grandma overfed me." I absolutely do think it's harmful. It's basically telling my kids that it's perfectly OK to just ignore what Mom and Dad say.
If your daughter is old enough to express "Grandma overfed me", then she is old enough to say "No thank you" when offered too much junk. Empower her by giving her permission to say no.
As far as the multiple McDonalds meals go, I'd ask why. Was it because the kids fussed for it? Are the grandparents on a Micky D's type budget? My in-laws were, and they saw no harm in taking my boys. Honestly, I don't either. I would have preferred a more balanced diet, but for a couple of days? No worries.
My daughter's in laws, who see our grandson regularly, do this. I say it's passive look aggressive. When I watch my grandson, I feed him the way she wants him fed, with SOME extras, but also with her knowledge.
My mother in law used to do this. Some results: my daughter remembers a serious choking incident from hard candy, which I had requested she not be given, and was forbidden to reveal the incident to me, also having to stop on the way home from grandma's so my son could vomit all the chocolate he had eaten, again, against my wishes.
This isn't being kooky and fun, it's just a way of undermining the parents.
I think some grandparents feel like, "Well, that's what YOU grew up on, and it didn't seem to have hurt you too much." Plus, some new parents can be downright condescending when it comes to spelling out every morsel that goes in their child's mouth, every moment of their day accounted for, and every minute of sleep that they are supposed to get -- as if their parents were slightly dim and incapable of making these life-and-death decisions. Unless there are allergies or religious reasons, I'm pretty much of the opinion that the quality of the time spent with the grandparents is more important than trying to exactly duplicate "home" at the grandparents. Now, granted, MickyD's five times in 3 days seems a little excessve. But what kind of town do the grandparents live in? Maybe the MickyD is the only fast-food place around -- one time for ice cream, another tme for breakfast, another time for a snack?
Do the parents have the final say? Of course. But are some parents a bit obsessive over things that, ultimately, are not that important? Of course. (And I agree with a previous poster -- if a child is self-aware enough to say, "Grandma overfed me," that's a kid who can certainly say, "No, thank you." Or perhaps the child sneaked some "forbidden" food -- and is blaming Grandma because they know that way, they won't get the blame?
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