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Why do grandparents feel like it's OK to just disregard everything I say when it comes to my kids? My kids recently spent 3 days at my in-laws house. This was at their request. They've asked for years, and I finally felt comfortable with it this summer. I had one request - please don't feed them crap all the time. What do they do? McDonald's 5 times in 3 days. My mother is no better. My daughter literally threw up after coming from my mom's house because she had a steady diet there of donuts and ice cream.
Why do grandparent's think this is OK? If I say no Sponge Bob, that means no Sponge Bob. You have 150 other channels, for goodness sake.
This absolutely infuriates me. The grandparents think it's cute and funny. No, it's not. It's passive aggressive and irresponsible. And it's also the reason you don't get to spend as much time with your grandchildren as you used to.
Why do grandparents feel like it's OK to just disregard everything I say when it comes to my kids? My kids recently spent 3 days at my in-laws house. This was at their request. They've asked for years, and I finally felt comfortable with it this summer. I had one request - please don't feed them crap all the time. What do they do? McDonald's 5 times in 3 days. My mother is no better. My daughter literally threw up after coming from my mom's house because she had a steady diet there of donuts and ice cream.
Why do grandparent's think this is OK? If I say no Sponge Bob, that means no Sponge Bob. You have 150 other channels, for goodness sake.
This absolutely infuriates me. The grandparents think it's cute and funny. No, it's not. It's passive aggressive and irresponsible. And it's also the reason you don't get to spend as much time with your grandchildren as you used to.
When my Mom had her fourth kid and my Dad had to work the three of us stayed at my Aunts house who disregarded every rule in the book for a full week.
Mcdonalds, Carvel, IHOP, BBQs, going to the beach no sun tan lotion. My favorite was she had like a 1963 Pink Caddie convertible with a huge V8, on way to beach on long causeway she pinned it at 120mph for several miles with six kids in car no seat belts. Best time ever.
Guess what she is 86, drives fast and eat junk food. I have no clue what my Mom fed me my first 12 years of life. Horrible boring healthy food. Guess what my Mom is dead 14 years and my Dad 30 years. My Aunt and Uncle still are partying like it is 1969.
If I ever get to be a grandparent, I'll enforce the parents rules. Common sense tells you McDonalds five times in three days is absurd anyway. Seriously, that's not healthy. I'll probably screw up a couple of times, especially if the kids look at me with big sad eyes. Nothing that serious though, gawd I can't wait. Sorry you are having trouble, they need to abide by your rules.
Are your parents and inlaws tying your children down and force feeding them crap? If your children are old enough to talk, they should be old enough to say 'No thanks, Grandma, can I have some broccoli instead?'
I agree that grandparents should listen to what the parents say about food (particularly in the case of food allergies) but the grandparents should be allowed to spoil them on occasion. By spoiling, I don't mean letting them eat doughnuts and pie for every meal but an occasional piece of candy or cake shouldn't hurt them. Of course this is if you have a normal relationship with the grandparents- if you have a passive aggressive or any other kind one one up manship relationship, that changes everything.
Could it be possible that the children are using this time away from you to gorge on the food that you have 'forbidden' them to eat? Perhaps it is not all the grandparents fault (although they should be monitoring what the kids are eating).
Don't be obtuse. It's not whether Sponge Bob is appropriate or not, its whether the caregiver can follow instructions. If they can't follow such simple ones as don't let my children watch shows I have prohibited than it's possible they can't follow important ones like make sure my children ride only in approved carseats. It's a trust issue, following all instructions whether the caregiver approves of them or not, inspires trust.
Don't be obtuse. It's not whether Sponge Bob is appropriate or not, its whether the caregiver can follow instructions. If they can't follow such simple ones as don't let my children watch shows I have prohibited than it's possible they can't follow important ones like make sure my children ride only in approved carseats. It's a trust issue, following all instructions whether the caregiver approves of them or not, inspires trust.
Trust goes 2 ways, in my view. Presumably you have chosen caregivers, your parent(s) whom you trust to do better than "follow instructions", use judgement even. Giving useless and stupid instructions lessens a caregiver's reason to consider ANY of your instructions valid. Meeting in the middle is the best way to be with grandp's IMO.
The love of a grandparent is one of the purest forms of love..........usually both totally unconditional and totally accepting....which cannot be said of most parents love.
If you and your husband were raised to adulthood without suffering harm, you can be sure your parents do not need your instructions on caring for your kids.
The only exception being actual food allergies or serious food intolerances.
Otherwise, let go and let your kids and their grandparents form their own relationship without your need to control it. It can only benefit your kids.
I trust that my parents and in-laws love my children. However, their idea of what is appropriate childrearing is different than mine. Perhaps if they were able to see my husband and I as adults following our parenting guidelines would be easy but they do not. Therefore we have to have fairly stern rules to prevent any issues. My in-laws object to how rigid we are about car seat use. They never used car seats for their children and can't understand why I am so "finicky" about carseats. That is why my-laws aren't able to drive my children anywhere.
My mother doesn't really believe my oldest child has asthma or severe allergies. She thinks I am being silly about not letting her smoke around my kids. After all both of my parents smoked around all of their kids and we're all fineeeee. So we don't go to my parents home.
We choose to not spank our children. We discipline them without yelling or screaming. All of the grandparents think spanking is just fine. When my 19 month old dd was misbehaving at Christmas my FIl said if we gave her a slap on the bottom she would shape up. We ignored his advice.
Trust does go both ways. But respect does as well. If many grandparents could trust that parenting decisions are made sincerely ( and follow them) than they would receive more time unsupervised with their grandchildren. As long as grandparents continue to doubt the validity of parenting decisions than their time will be limited.
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Originally Posted by somebodynew
Trust goes 2 ways, in my view. Presumably you have chosen caregivers, your parent(s) whom you trust to do better than "follow instructions", use judgement even. Giving useless and stupid instructions lessens a caregiver's reason to consider ANY of your instructions valid. Meeting in the middle is the best way to be with grandp's IMO.
Grandparents like to spoil their grand kids and they usually don't get to see them that often. I think that if it is not excessive then it should be ok. I am sure that your own grandparents did the same for you when you went to visit them and you turned out alright. You need to remember that they will not be around very long in most cases and its better that your kids get to spend some time with them so that they have those memories, otherwise when they get older and start wondering why they never got to see their grandparents you will have a lot of questions to answer, and those answers may not be acceptable to them. These grandparents were your parents or your spouses and you will miss them when they are gone and regret it.
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