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I know many grandparents who make flights from Europe, Hong Kong etc. That is expensive travel. I have no clue where some have gotten their overinflated travel costs. This is Cleveland to Chicago. Get serious 2 people can come and stay with a flight and hotel for a long weekend for under 600 bucks if not under 500 or 450. They can eat with us and we can drive them to the hotel. If money is an issue they should ask us to split costs. This is there freaking grandchild who needs to bond with their grandparents. Save Skype for your college buddies. If you can do physical labor around the house, you can visit your grandson. That's more important than comfort and convenience.
What do you think would happen if you went to visit them? I looked up and saw flights from/to Midway for a random weekend in December for $111.00 per person. Maybe you could call and ask them if they'd like to come and offer to split the costs if they aren't up for it see if you can visit them.
Flying with an infant isn't fun with all the gear. I did it once when my son was 2 months old. We flew to South Bend from Charlotte. We've never flown again as we prefer to drive with the kids. Driving is also another option. Drive probably take about 6 hours. The visiting has to go both ways. Perhaps it's been one sided but you haven't told us that. I hope for the sake of your child that you can put your feelings aside and make the visits happen.
You know, we traveled countless times to see our kids who had moved away, and I can count on one hand how many return trips we received.
In my young married life, I carted several young babies to see grandparents, from time to time. However, I would not recommend driving 7 hours with a very young baby.
How I interpret this story is that grandpa doesn't want to travel. Grandma can't make him. Son is irritated at his parents, but he hasn't told them how he feels. And, he hasn't made very good arrangements for their stay, either.
I rate you all at fault, frankly. If you want your parents to stay with you, at least get a hideabed for them to sleep in down stairs. Invite them for a specific date. Ask them to come shortly after Christmas, for instance, and let them enjoy your son.
If Grandpa won't travel, then so be it. If you want your kid to have a relationship with his grandparents, then get on a plan once a year, and go visit them.
Visits cross country almost always involve costs and trade offs. And it isn't a tragedy to stay in a motel. We've done it several times. And we were OK with it. However, when you can all be together in the evening, and you sit talking and laughing after a meal, it is really nice. I love staying with my sister, because we talk together at night. When my kids are with us, the same happens between us. But, if it can't be, it can't be. The important thing is to visit.
I know many grandparents who make flights from Europe, Hong Kong etc. That is expensive travel. I have no clue where some have gotten their overinflated travel costs. This is Cleveland to Chicago. Get serious 2 people can come and stay with a flight and hotel for a long weekend for under 600 bucks if not under 500 or 450. They can eat with us and we can drive them to the hotel. If money is an issue they should ask us to split costs. This is there freaking grandchild who needs to bond with their grandparents. Save Skype for your college buddies. If you can do physical labor around the house, you can visit your grandson. That's more important than comfort and convenience.
I know many adult children who make flights from Europe, Hong Kong etc. That is expensive travel.
I have no clue where some have gotten their overinflated travel costs. This is Cleveland to Chicago. Get serious 2 people can come and stay with a flight and stay with their parents for a long weekend for well under $200 or $300, because they can stay in their parent's house and don't have to rent a hotel room.They can eat with our parents and the parents can drive us to the airport. This is there (their ) grandchild who needs to bond with their grandparents so we can visit often so our disabled mother does not need to travel..
Skype is great to use every week, or even more often, between our regular visits. If you can drive a car or ride on an airplane, you can visit your elderly parents, one who uses a cane and can't climb stairs.. That's important for bonding and strengthening family ties.
And, I am so happy that our baby can ride with us for free on the airplane until he turns two years old.
I love my Mom and Dad.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-18-2016 at 04:38 PM..
I'm glad I wasn't sensitive. My mother visited us here in Maryland exactly 3 times in just under 30 years (in all honesty the last ten she couldn't have made the trip) and I had to go get her and take her home each time.
My in laws were a bit better, maybe a dozen times. Someone had to drive them too.
I believe a seven hour drive is an ordeal for many elderly people. I don't blame them for only visiting once so far. Even at my age, I get stiff sitting in a car that long and it tires me out.
Come on. Are you so myopic that you can't see traveling--by car or by plane--is dramatically different than "maintaining your house"? Many people, as they age, become uncomfortable--physically, emotionally, mentally--with traveling outside of their "comfort zone." I understand you're hurt and disappointed, but please try to see things with as much generosity as you are capable of. I mean, unless your parents just jerks (and if this is the case they most likely have always been jerks) the best thing you can do is to solve this problem as partners, not adversaries.
How old are your parents? Is the cost of travel and hotel a dent in their finances? Do you even know for sure?
Is there no where on your first floor that can act as a guest room? Do you live in the city of Chicago? Why don't you offer to cover the cost of the trip?
What do they say about visiting? About seeing you? About seeing their grandchild?
Do they have other children/grandchildren who live closer to them?
Or, the simplest solution: Why don't you just go visit them?
I'm a firm believer in low expectations. Seriously. People are complicated and difficult. Don't expect any more from them than you, yourself, are willing to give. I also strongly believe in not complaining unless you're willing to work to solve the problem.
For example, we drove with our 8 week old, 500 miles, so her great-grandparents and great-great grandmother (!!) could spend Christmas with her. Another example, my MIL can't easily afford to come and visit us, so we pay for her to fly to us anytime she wants. Which works out to be 2 times a year at most. My kids aren't close to her at all, but we've done what we can (we have visited her 2-4 times, but there's a lot of us and only one of her )
Come on. Are you so myopic that you can't see traveling--by car or by plane--is dramatically different than "maintaining your house"? Many people, as they age, become uncomfortable--physically, emotionally, mentally--with traveling outside of their "comfort zone." I understand you're hurt and disappointed, but please try to see things with as much generosity as you are capable of. I mean, unless your parents just jerks (and if this is the case they most likely have always been jerks) the best thing you can do is to solve this problem as partners, not adversaries.
How old are your parents? Is the cost of travel and hotel a dent in their finances? Do you even know for sure?
Is there no where on your first floor that can act as a guest room? Do you live in the city of Chicago? Why don't you offer to cover the cost of the trip?
What do they say about visiting? About seeing you? About seeing their grandchild?
Do they have other children/grandchildren who live closer to them?
Or, the simplest solution: Why don't you just go visit them?
I'm a firm believer in low expectations. Seriously. People are complicated and difficult. Don't expect any more from them than you, yourself, are willing to give. I also strongly believe in not complaining unless you're willing to work to solve the problem.
For example, we drove with our 8 week old, 500 miles, so her great-grandparents and great-great grandmother (!!) could spend Christmas with her. Another example, my MIL can't easily afford to come and visit us, so we pay for her to fly to us anytime she wants. Which works out to be 2 times a year at most. My kids aren't close to her at all, but we've done what we can (we have visited her 2-4 times, but there's a lot of us and only one of her )
Very frail people manage to fly all the time. We are older and we still fly, although not with the same zest as we did 10 years ago. It sounds to me as if the grandpa does not want to visit.
Even if the parents decided to drive, the drive can be broken up into two days. When I visited my sister from my home city, that is what we did. We drove half way, and then spent the night, before hitting the road again the next day. We did that because DH really does not enjoy long days of driving. But to do the air or car travel you have to be motivated to do it. Without motivation, the travel doesn't get done.
Very frail people manage to fly all the time. We are older and we still fly, although not with the same zest as we did 10 years ago. It sounds to me as if the grandpa does not want to visit.
Even if the parents decided to drive, the drive can be broken up into two days. When I visited my sister from my home city, that is what we did. We drove half way, and then spent the night, before hitting the road again the next day. We did that because DH really does not enjoy long days of driving. But to do the air or car travel you have to be motivated to do it. Without motivation, the travel doesn't get done.
Oh for Pete's sake, the grandparents DID visit. The baby is only 4 months old. The OP has yet to come back and say exactly how often he/she expects the grandparents to make that trip. And is exhibiting a glaring lack of motivation to get behind the wheels himself.
We have no information on the health, finances or other obligations these grandparents face. All we have is a whiny child who thinks whatever they are doing to pay homage is not enough.
Every single time my parents flew as retirees, one or the other got sick as a result. Many seniors are not comfortable driving long distances. The OP needs to get over it.
I know many grandparents who make flights from Europe, Hong Kong etc. That is expensive travel. I have no clue where some have gotten their overinflated travel costs. This is Cleveland to Chicago. Get serious 2 people can come and stay with a flight and hotel for a long weekend for under 600 bucks if not under 500 or 450. They can eat with us and we can drive them to the hotel. If money is an issue they should ask us to split costs.
This is there freaking grandchild who needs to bond with their grandparents. Save Skype for your collegebuddies. If you can do physical labor around the house,
you can visit your grandson. That's more important than comfort and convenience.
The OP never responded to the question of how often he visits his parents. He just said that the grandparents visiting, his home on his terms, was "more important than their comfort".
Visiting at his house is more important than their comfort?!?! What adult son says that about his elderly parents, one who is disabled.
You also noticed that he did not say anything like "That is a great idea to put a bed on the first floor so that they can stay with us" but just stated that he could "drive them to the hotel". Or, we really regret that we do not have a bedroom on the first floor, but we bought the house before my mom became disabled and it did not occur to us that they were getting older and may not be able to climb stairs.
He also scoffed at using Skype to help with the bonding between grandparent & grandchild. Which is a tool that many, many parents feel is invaluable. Notice that the OP did not say "It is too bad that my parents do not use a computer or we could Skype between visits." But he said that the grandparents should Skype with their college buddies not their grandchild.
We do not know the whole story. Some people are jumping on the bandwagon of the elderly grandparents doing all of the travel, in spite the fact that the OP reports that they are not doing it because of health reasons. And, others strongly disagree.
My husband's parents lived 1,000 miles away (for clarification they moved away from us). For close to 25 years every winter our entire family flew down to see them and every summer they drove or flew to see us. About 10 or 12 more times, all or part of our family visited Grandma & Grandpa a second time during the year.
It was actually a very significant financial hardship on both sides, but this was long before Skype and FaceTime so all of us felt that it was important to have the face to face contact.
Our children were extremely close to their grandparents through phone calls and sending cards & letters back and forth and seeing them twice and occasionally three times each twelve months.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-19-2016 at 04:33 PM..
Oh for Pete's sake, the grandparents DID visit. The baby is only 4 months old. The OP has yet to come back and say exactly how often he/she expects the grandparents to make that trip. And is exhibiting a glaring lack of motivation to get behind the wheels himself.
We have no information on the health, finances or other obligations these grandparents face. All we have is a whiny child who thinks whatever they are doing to pay homage is not enough.
Every single time my parents flew as retirees, one or the other got sick as a result. Many seniors are not comfortable driving long distances. The OP needs to get over it.
And the physical discomfort of traveling isn't the only issue people face as they age. I'm witnessing this in my parents and grandparents now.
My mother, for example, developed an eye problem that limits her in small and unusual ways. For the most part she's fine during her everyday life--driving to work, running errands, etc. But she has to adjust her work schedule during the winter months because driving at night is difficult. She can't read graphs and spreadsheets very well (anything with small horizontal lines.) She also has a hard time in new, brightly lit places (like stores) which leads to a bit of anxiety. She would struggle in an unfamiliar airport without assistance.
OP says he/she lives in Chicago, if it's the city, then the grandparents have to pay for parking, stay in a hotel, navigate the city streets--with mom's cane and both of their poor health...That's enough to overwhelm plenty of people.
My grandparents stay with us when they drive to and from Florida, and even all the extended family members are thrilled with the arrangement. We are so glad they took us up on our offer, and finally quit staying in hotels. They are becoming quite frail and cannot do as much as they used to. They are hilariously honest about aging, and it's great to spend time with them. But, honestly, the only reason this arrangement works is because we moved to a house within a couple of miles of the interstate, with a private guest room, and we begged My sister gets her feelings hurt because they don't stay at her house...I don't let it bother me that they never visited me at my old house--it was too far off the interstate. Nor do pretend they've gone out of their way to see me or my kids. Why? I just understand they need things to be convenient for them. So instead of "keeping score" or harboring a grudge, I am simply thankful for the fun we have sitting around my kitchen table, drinking wine until 1am, listening to their stories, spending THIS time with them.
OP, if you want your son to have a relationship with your parents, you should do everything you can reasonably do to make that happen. Don't keep score, don't think 50/50 is "everything you can do." I'm not saying create an insurmountable burden for yourself, but don't operate from a place hurt feelings either.
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My sister gets her feelings hurt because they don't stay at her house...I don't let it bother me that they never visited me at my old house--it was too far off the interstate. Nor do pretend they've gone out of their way to see me or my kids. Why? I just understand they need things to be convenient for them. So instead of "keeping score" or harboring a grudge, I am simply thankful for the fun we have sitting around my kitchen table, drinking wine until 1am, listening to their stories, spending THIS time with them. 
