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Take it was a blessing.
My mother lives with us,intervenes with the kids. Acts as if she owns the place etc etc. I'll trade ya?
Mine did that, even tried to correct me in front of my own child and was set right in her place. Sometimes it isn't worth it when kids are using the grandparents as free daycare as the alternative is a large expense but that wasn't our situation and I certainly am not going to allow my mother in law to scold me in front of my child for anything nor take over my home.
There are a lot of reasons why an older / elderly couple don't visit a family member.
It could be home commitments. Church / work / other family members / animals / pets
It could be the stress of visiting. Do they feel welcome? Do you take off work when they come? Do you spend time with them or leave it to your spouse to entertain them?
It might be one of the pair just doesn't like to travel or refuses to come. Maybe they don't come because they can't stay with you and thus saving them money. They are on a fixed income, right?
Now the opposite could be true. Maybe they don't want to put you out. The baby is young the visit will disrupt your schedules and they don't want to impose.
Seven hours away means an overnight trip. They may not feel comfortable driving that far, the road conditions, their car, the expense of the trip, or availability of hotels once there. There's so many reasons why they don't come. Is it too much pressure on them to shop / cook / clean? Is it that they're expected to pay for the meals or go along with plans like site see which effectively wears them out?
Do you encourage them to visit? Making them feel welcome paves the way. I doubt I'd ever visit family when I'm traveling near them if they don't invite me first.
------------- You know your parents best. If I were in your shoes I'd have a long phone conversation and find out the reason. Tell them you'd love to have them over for the next holiday, that you plan to take time off work, you can spend time doing what they want to do, and bond.
I'd also ask is if this is how they treat their other kids and other grandkids.
One thing I have noticed with my own family. The elderly like to hide things, act like they're just fine when they really aren't. They like to put a front up to show that they're still coping. They don't like to show their age even if we see it. So even when parents live hours away, there may be medical issues that happen and if they don't share those on the phone, you won't know. No matter what age they are, when an illness hits, it ages them.
Now a bit of observation on grandparents that aren't hungry for being around the grandbaby. . . . Be thankful. Be glad your parents are giving you the space to depend on your spouse, to grow in your marriage, all without them breathing down your necks. You know what I'm talking about. The parents that have to be in the thick of things, give their opinions, you listen and it's the wife wanting her way against the mother or mother-in-law's voice and running things. It's a battle of wills. You would be a go between in that family of differences and your life wouldn't be your own. Be thankful, very thankful.
I'm all for absentee grandparents. Let them live their golden years and retirement on their own terms. They love you, they care for you, they're giving you the room to become your own person. You aren't the center of their parenting universe anymore, they've given you away to your wife to care for. *grin*
Parents are that background and support that provides comfort and someone in your corner. But it's also nice to step out and control your own world knowing they are there if you ever need them. Our own kids know we're only a phone call away and even though we don't visit often, and do stay in touch, that we would drop everything to help them out if they really needed us.
Another thought is to meet halfway somewhere and make it a vacation for everyone. Book rooms in the hotel on different ends . . .
That way the trip is cut in half for them and a nice break from home for you.
As for the comments on the interfering mother-in-laws. . .
You have to step up and lay down the law for your household. You are the head not them. When our kids were little, any back talk to either of us got them corrected 'Don't you ever talk to your mother like that.' We didn't tolerate back talk from them and if we ever had family doing that we'd say the same to them. Respect is a two way street and needs constant attention.
she has a 4 month old. Who expects people to travel with a 4 month old?
if grandma and grandpa wanted to bond with baby, they would make a bigger effort. it isn't a travel issue...I don't think. I think its more a disappointment that her parents aren't more excited to bond with their grandchild
OP.....Any updates? Hopefully you've been able to resolve this for both yourself and your parents.
That's why all the quotes and poems are about visiting grandma's house......Because the tradition is visiting the elder. Do it for your child....There is nothing like a grandparent's love growing up.
Last edited by JanND; 05-10-2017 at 04:23 AM..
Reason: edit text
My sister (73) and hubby (83) live about six hours from their grandchildren and always make it a two day trip because they are just too exhausted after packing up the car to make it in one day.
Recently they visited me and even though it was only a four hour drive they took two days to drive here. OP, and others need to remember that everyone's health needs are different and you can not assume that a drive that is easy for someone younger would be equally easy when they are older.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-10-2017 at 12:42 PM..
Some people just aren't excited to be grandparents. My mom didn't come until my kids were like 9 months old. And only held them once. My dad still doesn't know their names or ages (and they are in elementary school and I talk to him once a month or so).
It sucks, but you cant force them to care.
Yeh...it does.
My dad has NEVER made an attempt, (not even a phone call) to see his great grandkids (my grandkids) in all their years of life.....they'll both be in school this year.
It's definitely HIS LOSS, but I doubt he even gives it a thought or cares.
Some families are NOT close and never created love/respect bonds together so there is little or no motivation to go visit folks they don't know well nor care very much about.
Our family was and still is like that but so what?
Your son will grow up and have an opportunity to make the life he wants and form the bonds he wants with others so just do your best to love and respect him so things can be better when you become a grand parent. IMO, your parents are too set in their ways now to come around to the love and respect that was not put there in the first place.
I am a grand dad now and there is absolutely no bond between my grand kids and me and most likely never will be since they are my late wife's grand kids and I had very little connection with the kids when they were little. We are all basically "acquaintances" and not very good ones at that! I love and respect them but it's not mutual! It's OK though, since I am not lonely or in need of my late wife's family in any way and my own family is all dead and gone to Heaven.
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No loving bonds
