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With respect, does anyone ever post about or discuss grief from the loss of other than a loved one? I, for instance, have had huge trouble adjusting to my recent retirement and recently realized that I am actually in mourning for my working life and all that entailed. Sounds silly, but I'm going through all the stages! Similarly, one can grieve the loss of a home, one's youth, physical abilities, a long-held dream that won't be realized, children leaving, etc. I've scanned threads and see that they all concern bereavement re: death.
Just curious!
Some people just can't or won't accept loss. You may be one of those people. A relative was widowed five years ago and she mourns the loss every day. Another relative was divorced 25 years ago and never got over it, still talks about how he misses her. One of the posters on CD can't get over the thought that a bad grade in high school kept him out of a top college and how that ruined chances in life. I still am saddened and disappointed over the suicides of people I knew years ago. Saddened by the death of my daughter's good friend in the towers on 9/11. That never goes away, but it's more like a fact, not mourning over it.
Well, gee... I managed to accept the loss of my beloved mother to whom I'd devoted years of my life, so I would say I'm not "one of those people who can't accept loss." There have been plenty of other devastating losses in my life, as well... In fact, I've reinvented myself a FEW times by now.
And it's been one month; not five years.
It's fascinating how little sympathy, much less empathy, is out there for those who aren't dancing on the piano over retirement; quite a revelation, I must say!
Well, gee, I managed to accept the loss of my beloved mother to whom I'd devoted years of my life, so I would say I'm not "one of those people who can't accept loss." There have been plenty of other devastating losses in my life, as well. In fact, I've reinvented my life a FEW times by now.
And it's been one month; not five years.
It's fascinating how little sympathy, much less empathy, is out there for those who aren't dancing on the piano over retirement; quite a revelation, I must say!
The fact that most people look forward to their retirement simply underscores your dilemma of your grief not being understood by the masses. After my wife's death I heard from many people about their views of me needing to just "move forward" and lauding the notion of liberating oneself from the "burden" of grief. We grieve over all manner of loss, be it the death of our beloved animals, a friend, lover, and yes, even the loss of something that gave us great pleasure, even if it was "just a job" to others.
Another fact that gets in the way of our understanding the grief of others is the fact that many people can not muster the feelings they have into any expression of compassion, instead, they resort to admonishing the grieving, telling them to "move on" rather than simply accepting the others pain as a natural response to loss. I personally don't have any misgivings about my retirement, for me it was a kind of salvation, it wasn't a "loss" but that's me, I won't try to speak for others here. On that note I will offer my condolences and hope for better times ahead.
Is everyone posting on "Grief and Mourning" a whiner? I mean, it's over and done; accept it and move on!
Wow; what an eye-opener.
Obviously not all "grief" is created equal...or deemed equally legitimate.
No, but you moved to another forum because you didn't get enough sympathy on the retirement forum. Fact is nobody cares about you missing your job. You got all the sympathy you're going to get on CD. You are beating a dead horse. Go back to work. You can't raise the dead but you can get another job. It may be better than the one you left. Even if this is the most traumatic thing that ever happened in your life, people can't see it your way.
With respect, does anyone ever post about or discuss grief from the loss of other than a loved one? I, for instance, have had huge trouble adjusting to my recent retirement and recently realized that I am actually in mourning for my working life and all that entailed. Sounds silly, but I'm going through all the stages! Similarly, one can grieve the loss of a home, one's youth, physical abilities, a long-held dream that won't be realized, children leaving, etc. I've scanned threads and see that they all concern bereavement re: death.
Just curious!
I believe that humans are quite resilient, in the long term. We can bounce back from the death of a loved one, the end of a career as in your case, the loss of a friendship.
But it often takes some work to get there. Perhaps you can find a part time job or volunteer work to fill in the time and get your mind off the loss of your career. It sounds like you need to feel like you're part of something, a job, an organization -- not an uncommon feeling.
People feel empathy when they can relate. Most people have felt the loss of a loved one, they grieved, and so have empathy to others who have lost loved ones.
Most people do not feel the loss of their job as an emotional loss and they would not define their feelings as "grief". Therefore, they have no empathy for someone who does mourn the loss of their job and the person they were.
These are the same people who do not have pets and so, when confronted with a person who has lost their dog, would say, "it was only a dog. Get another one." Clearly no empathy because the loss is meaningless to them.
You have to understand — my retirement coincided with my husbands terminal diagnosis. I had no option but to close our business. He couldn’t do the heavy work with a brain tumor and seizures.
And I was burnt out from working our business, then tossed right back into caregiver. Three months later, one massive seizure and it was over.
Then started the clean out process and my husband was a hoarder.
And frankly three things make me happy. The fact my husband got his final wish to not linger or suffer, the fact his seizure disorder made me go back to work to drive him, and I got the new car I wanted to facilitate work (his first seizure was the genesis of the tumor, and the neurologist thought my husband had developed epilepsy) and I could finally retire, the event I had been preparing us to do for YEARS.
So, yeah, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. Sorry.
But I know you aren’t alone. My sister was a nurse at a methadone clinic. There was a mandatory retirement age, and when she hit it, retirement was processed and she got a party. She floundered for a bit, then started calling hospices to volunteer. She’s always had a thing about death, and making it good. She’s there a few days a week. She volunteers at a few places. She has to be busy busy. During the first part of the pandemic she made hundreds of masks.
I recently had a good friend tell me my late husband was horrified at the thought of retirement. He knew I wanted it more than anything, heck, I taught myself about investing and living frugally in order to get there at 50, and he was terrified about it. He thought he’d shrivel up and die without work. Add to that be said frequently he wouldn’t make it last 60…. died at 59 1/2….
So two years ago I lost the love of my life for 40 years. And I’m okay. Miss him terribly, but I’m getting things back together. And you will, too. Grief of all kinds takes time to process and find your own solutions.
I bit my tongue reading your OP and thought you got the message when you seemed to agree with another poster who told you that this wasn't the proper place to express your depression about being retired. But no; now you've returned to say that it is everyone else who has too narrow a definition of grief and mourning.
As someone who lost his mother on mother's day, and father just three months before that, and who is now sitting in a hospital's surgical waiting room as my wife enters the fourth hour of an operation that was only supposed to take two, allow me to be blunt and say that it was completely thoughtless, clueless, and disrespectful for you to come to this particular forum to whine about entering a period of life that most people would be celebrating. If that depresses you, then do as geebabe suggested and take it to the Psychology Forum.
MadMan's post nailed it. I'm baffled as to why this thread is still here and has not been moved. The thread is very insulting and hurtful to others. But hey, what do I know?
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Solly says — Be nice!
