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With respect, does anyone ever post about or discuss grief from the loss of other than a loved one? I, for instance, have had huge trouble adjusting to my recent retirement and recently realized that I am actually in mourning for my working life and all that entailed. Sounds silly, but I'm going through all the stages! Similarly, one can grieve the loss of a home, one's youth, physical abilities, a long-held dream that won't be realized, children leaving, etc. I've scanned threads and see that they all concern bereavement re: death.
I think many of us that didn't have a choice in retiring wish we had choices. I loved the company I worked for, tolerated the people, and my work wasn't work, it was playing and I got paid for it. Then COVID then it was gone.
On this forum we have a thread called, Life as it is. We don't have the life that we wish it was. Yes, you are definitely grieving. Yep, life sucks sometimes. You are allowed to sit down and cry. But you don't get to wallow forever. Make a change. What you have been doing for the last couple months, definitely does not seem to be working for you.
So grief has a two-month (technically, I've been retired only one month) shelf life? That's not what I read elsewhere on here! Maybe only for non-death-related bereavement.
Frankly it may be appropriate for the retirement board.
I tried that, of course, but no one on the retirement board is grieving the loss of his or her job... I guess there's no place to for me to commiserate with others about this problem on City-Data? That's a first!
I tried that, of course, but no one on the retirement board is grieving the loss of his or her job... I guess there's no place to for me to commiserate with others about this problem on City-Data? That's a first!
Then start a new thread on the Retirement board like you did here. Or how about the Psychology board? Sure, it might take a little while to get the conversation going, but I don't think this is the proper place for such a discussion. Best withes to you.
I tried that, of course, but no one on the retirement board is grieving the loss of his or her job... I guess there's no place to for me to commiserate with others about this problem on City-Data? That's a first!
While I cannot think about retiring now, I understand the emotions you are dealing with. Nevermind how. In short I lost two jobs I loved due to this pandemic and yes it still bothers me but the time that i would not have had can happily be used pursuing other interests that I need to achieve. Whatever you are doing is not productive if it is not making you happy. Instead of lamenting all that is lost, perhaps look at the fact that you have the time to do what you want, not what you have to do. If you have not identified happy things to occupy your time of course you are going to lament what you have lost. I am only suggesting that you explore things you may not have had time to do while working and make a schedule out of it. Hold yourself accountable to using your time to do things you enjoy or finding out what they are. When you are enjoying yourself you will not have time to lament.
I also think it is perfectly fine to "grieve" the death of a situation. Unfortunately, not enough others see it that way and that is why you have a hard time finding people to express that too. To me that says you have a creative mind. You might want to take advantage of that. To think that grief can only be applied to loss of life is limiting. You and I obviously think outside that box. People should not get to chose what someone else grieves over so don't let anyone put constraints on the kind of grief that belongs in Grief and Mourning. They don't have to respond if they don't have something helpful to say to you.
If you loved your work so much, depending on what it was perhaps you could teach others. There are a world of things out here for you to do. Find your niche. Just because you are retired does not mean you can't work on your own schedule. Find you! Do you!
I really do miss my jobs but I can't stay down about what is gone. In the end I think we have to live with the understanding that life dies. The lifespan of situations are no more immortal than our lives.
When you are enjoying yourself you will not have time to lament.
I also think it is perfectly fine to "grieve" the death of a situation. Unfortunately not enough others see it that way and that is why you have a hard time finding people to express that to. To me that says you have a creative mind. You might want to take advantage of that.
I really do miss my jobs but I can't stay down about what is gone.
Best to you.
Thank you for understanding.
I do find it interesting that no one would dream of saying to someone who had just lost a husband, child, or parent only a month ago, "Well, you can't cry about what's gone! Now you're free to do anything you like! So get busy!" (Although I DID have one woman say to me after my mother, whom I had personally cared for in her last illness, passed, "Now you can get your life back!" I didn't appreciate her comment, either.)
It just shows how narrow our definition of "Grief and Mourning" really is in our society, or at least on City Data.
Last edited by otterhere; 07-01-2021 at 10:45 AM..
I do find it funny that no one would dream of saying to someone who lost a husband, child, or parent only a month ago, "Well, you can't cry about what's gone! Now you're free to do anything you like! So get busy!"
That's just shows how narrow our definition of "Grief and Mourning" really are, at least on City Data.
(And, yes, I've also lost people very near and dear to me).
I bit my tongue reading your OP and thought you got the message when you seemed to agree with another poster who told you that this wasn't the proper place to express your depression about being retired. But no; now you've returned to say that it is everyone else who has too narrow a definition of grief and mourning.
As someone who lost his mother on mother's day, and father just three months before that, and who is now sitting in a hospital's surgical waiting room as my wife enters the fourth hour of an operation that was only supposed to take two, allow me to be blunt and say that it was completely thoughtless, clueless, and disrespectful for you to come to this particular forum to whine about entering a period of life that most people would be celebrating. If that depresses you, then do as geebabe suggested and take it to the Psychology Forum.
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Solly says — Be nice!
Perspective is Everything
