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My MOTHER was never a "poor old widow woman" (this phrase reminds me of Vicki Lawrence's character in Mama's Family, lol) and she was 71 when my father died. In her late 80s, she was grocery shopping on her own and using Dad's old wheelchair to move the bags from the car to the house.
Time does fly. Frank's been gone a year in a few weeks. Then a couple of weeks later, it's four for my mother.
Today it is 18 years since my brother died. This is just not going to ever be my favorite time of year!
Although...Tuesday is eight years since I retired from my lifelong career job.
Something good did happen recently, though. I went back to work part-time last year, which was really helpful to me after the nearly two years of caregiving and then death. Last week I was asked to work full-time on a very significant project, which was not in my plans, but I'm going to do it for a while. Because of the type of work it is, it is a phase of a project that only happens in the early stages and is likely not going to be long-term, or at least it will slow down to part-time. I'll make some good money on it, though. Since I've gone ahead and gotten a second residence (renting an apartment in the city where my daughter lives to test it out), this will help pay for all the furniture and rugs and whatnot I've been having delivered here all week, hehehe.
I wouldn't be taking the apartment if I couldn't afford it, but I did dip into some savings for this new adventure.
It's amazing how the Universe drops something in your lap when you need it-even if you didn't realize you need it.
I must admit that sometimes I feel like I am a "poor old widow woman." I am not as independent as I feel I should be because of my vision. I could walk to the store but I have a friend who drives me every week. She also has been driving me to my appointments. I feel guilty having to rely on her but I would rather be in a car with her than a stranger driving an uber. And with her I can ask, "can we stop here for a minute?" I usually buy her lunch-sometimes dinner depending on how late things go.
When it comes to the house stuff, I know who to call if I can't (or don't want to) do it myself.
I do so appreciate this thread. It's a good place to listen, learn and feel a sense of kinship with others on the path. Thanks to all for sharing your highs and lows.
"Keep Swimming," it's called and some days I look at that and think, "Not today. Today I'm simply floating or treading water." But I know from others sharing their experiences that even during those days that seem so unproductive and endless that we are always in transition and that what we think and feel will be a part of that change.
Reading others' stories helps keeps me focused on the hope for growth.
It just occurred I could share a friend's sudden life shift. A couple of years ago her husband died on the way to a doctor's appointment. She has spent those years involved with a woman's grief group which has been a good source of support.
She's far from her small amount of family members. This spring she had to put her long-time pet companion to rest and she was having her own struggle with worsening back problems and trying to sell a house.
It seems like nearly overnight her whole focus changed. Twin grandchildren were born into a loving household, she was invited to move closer to her sister and the new family and she has had life-changing back surgery. I'm so glad that the inevitable changes of life have given her a new direction, just like a gift from the blue. The timing was perfect.
Last edited by Lodestar; 02-25-2024 at 09:31 AM..
Reason: Edited to add
I do so appreciate this thread. It's a good place to listen, learn and feel a sense of kinship with others on the path. Thanks to all for sharing your highs and lows.
"Keep Swimming," it's called and some days I look at that and think, "Not today. Today I'm simply floating or treading water." But I know from others sharing their experiences that even during those days that seem so unproductive and endless that we are always in transition and that what we think and feel will be a part of that change.
Reading others' stories helps keeps me focused on the hope for growth.
Same here. There is strength in knowing others are swimming against the same currents. Or just floating or treading water, as the case may be. Love that!
Same here. There is strength in knowing others are swimming against the same currents. Or just floating or treading water, as the case may be. Love that!
Same here. There is strength in knowing others are swimming against the same currents. Or just floating or treading water, as the case may be. Love that!
Last night I was singing my "just keep swimming" and I stopped and asked myself if I am swimming or just treading water. Don't really know the answer. I guess it depends on the day. Or the hour.
Last week marked 2 years since my mom unexpectedly died in her sleep. It was two weeks of functioning on adrenaline as we closed her life in another state, brought her home, and held her service. Then it was several weeks of thawing from it all, including paralyzing numbness and debilitating emotions. I've had some strong periods of swimming, but this week I'm in the treading water group. I wouldn't mind floating for a while because I'm exhausted and don't really understand why.
I have to admit that sometimes I take a look in this section and think, "Are they still at it?" And then there are times when I pop in and thank God, "they're still at it." I'm so grateful for my CD G&M family.
Last week marked 2 years since my mom unexpectedly died in her sleep. It was two weeks of functioning on adrenaline as we closed her life in another state, brought her home, and held her service. Then it was several weeks of thawing from it all, including paralyzing numbness and debilitating emotions. I've had some strong periods of swimming, but this week I'm in the treading water group. I wouldn't mind floating for a while because I'm exhausted and don't really understand why.
I have to admit that sometimes I take a look in this section and think, "Are they still at it?" And then there are times when I pop in and thank God, "they're still at it." I'm so grateful for my CD G&M family.
OK so my husband died early in the morning, and you know what surprised me the most? That it was the NIGHT BEFORE the year he had been dead a year that bothered me the most. We had talked a lot and I was just wondering if he had any sort of premonition that by that time tomorrow he'd be dead. Also, it was like I was wondering if there was anything I could have done to save his life. I kept thinking "A year ago, a year ago, he was alive." That surprised me. I mean, I was OK, not great but OK, the year after I found out but two things bothered me the most - the night before, and the exact time I found out. After the exact time had passed, I was, not great but OK. I was with a girlfriend who took me shopping and out to eat and that was pleasant.
This past year it didn't bother me as much. It's been 3.5 years now. In a way, this past year was a relief to me - it was like "OK made it through three years, now I'm going into the 4th year and I've survived." I am just being honest.
You know what - every single morning I wake up to thoughts of him, and of my mom and dad and often my brother and grandmother who died. I wonder if that will ever go away? It's like I start each day noting that they are dead. Ugh.
KA, that's probably because your husband's death was a shock. Maybe your husband did know on some level. "They" say our souls know.
My bf's death was, of course expected. For months before I would wake up and the first thought would be "he is going to die one of these days", but as it drew nearer, it began to be "will it be today?" Especially when he stopped eating for days at a time.
When the end did come, he had actually asked for a Boost thst morning, and drank half of it, then asked for a Pepsi in the afternoon, which gave him some problems because of the carbonation. He only wanted one painkiller at noon (for a nasty bedsore) so he would be awake to watch the Blue Jays spring training, then said no to a painkiller in the evening, and just drifted off to sleep. Then stopped breathing a few hours later, just after midnight.
The things that make me feel sad are the small things. He loved Tolkien, and there was a new show on TV, The Rings of Power, sort of a prequel to Lord of the Rings. He got into it, and then asked for it one night and I told him we had watched the last episode for the season. And his face--I saw that he knew he would not be alive when the next season came out. And that he would not see opening day for his beloved Blue Jays.
The memory of those moments choke me up.
I have to remind myself that those things are trivial and he is beyond them now.
I have said this before, I am glad I got to say goodbye to him and to thank him for our time together. The day before, we all knew that time was short-just didn't know how short. The doc put orders that he could have beer. We didn't give him a beer. We gave him his drink-rum that we mixed with Coke. (He usually had it with Sprite). He didn't drink much of it-maybe a sip or two but it made him happy.
The year mark is going to be hard. The next day will be the annual Spring Fling in town complete with a parade that goes right in front of the house. Every year we would have a barbecue. Last year, I just stayed at my stepdaughter's house and away from town until after Spring Fling. I wouldn't have been able to handle a parade.
This year I have decided to have the barbecue. I know it is going to be hard but I think I can handle the parade if others are there to help me through. There will come a time when Spring Fling comes on the anniversary. I used to always look forward to Spring Fling. Now I'm sure it will just make me very sad.
Cat
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