"Bullies" and "abusers".... (sociopaths, hyper, syndrome)
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I'd love to know what makes them tick and also how to manage them. I suffer from an ability to be able to think quickly on my feet as to what to say at the right time.
I've just started a new post in this area and much of my grief this year has been down to workplace bullying!
What kind of things have your co-workers or bosses said or done to put you down? Sorry about your negative experiences.
I don't know why, but I seem to be a "target" for bullies. I have encountered more than my share in employment, and personal life. Is is a lack of self esteem? So I already look like an "easy" target? I don't know...but the last bully I dealt with, was beyond anything I have ever experienced. She was an older woman, professional, well educated, sort of a "Grandmother" type, but she was mean, and sneaky. She bullied me mercilessly, lied, it was beyond belief. She made it her "mission" in life, to get me fired from a job, just "because"...there must be some sort of personality disorder that warps someone like this...she also bullied other people, I knew this, but did not disclose it, because the way she did it was very subtle. It was all about power over others for her..."I am the queen, and I decide who gets what, when, and why"...creepy that there are people like this on the earth. I am just glad I am far away from her...yet, she had a family, children, just strange...is she evil to the core? Or normal sometimes, evil other times?
I don't know why, but I seem to be a "target" for bullies. I have encountered more than my share in employment, and personal life. Is is a lack of self esteem? So I already look like an "easy" target? I don't know...but the last bully I dealt with, was beyond anything I have ever experienced. She was an older woman, professional, well educated, sort of a "Grandmother" type, but she was mean, and sneaky. She bullied me mercilessly, lied, it was beyond belief. She made it her "mission" in life, to get me fired from a job, just "because"...there must be some sort of personality disorder that warps someone like this...she also bullied other people, I knew this, but did not disclose it, because the way she did it was very subtle. It was all about power over others for her..."I am the queen, and I decide who gets what, when, and why"...creepy that there are people like this on the earth. I am just glad I am far away from her...yet, she had a family, children, just strange...is she evil to the core? Or normal sometimes, evil other times?
I'm sorry about the woman who "bullied" you at work. Every workplace and organization sure has its share of "power mongers!" Families too! And it's sad! Sorry about your negative experiences.
What kind of things have your co-workers or bosses said or done to put you down? Sorry about your negative experiences.
A previous job (which I left a few months back) had a co-worker who would undermine me in meetings, deliberately trying to make me look stupid. I would produce work for her team and she would, on a one-to-one basis, comment on how it was ok. But then when it came time to present it in meetings, she would use the opportunity to find fault in it, nit pick over miner details and try and sabotage its credibility.
She had two personalities - she was very pleasant when others weren't around, but in team situations, she could be very nasty, cutting and sharp witted. Also on a couple of occasions she would criticise my work to her colleagues, all within earshot.
This job I have now, the guy I sit next to is loud, obnoxious and condescending. He has to pass some of his responsibilities across to me, but he never has the time to take me through it thoroughly. He basically rushes things very quickly, then gets frustrated with me when I cannot take it all in. Also when I make a mistake, he exclaims "Noooo...!!!" in a very loud voice - a bit like talking to me like I am a two year old.
I am new to the technology, and although I have confidence in myself, I dislike the tone and mannerisms of this guy. Also he points out in meetings that he'd do all of my stuff differently.
He is only a temp, and I think he is trying to protect his job by withholding the intellectutal knowledge. That is, keep most of it to himself (or make the process of passing it on unnecessarily complicated or painful for me), so that he becomes indispensible. He was supposed to be finishing here at the end of next week but I found out last week he is actually going to be coming back after his month break.
I am really over the corporate world at the moment. I actually like what I do for a living, but just cannot deal with the strong personality types! I envy those that can just brush it aside, or think on their feet (I am hopeless at quick responses!).
Westie1984...Thanks for sharing. Sorry about your negative experiences with co-workers on both jobs...Can you go over the temp's head and discuss your problems with a supervisor? I don't like to be handed incomplete information when it comes to performing jobs either..Have you ever read any books about assertiveness training?...Years ago I had a counselor who helped me become more assertive. He had me write down all of the times I said "yes" to people during the course of each day when I really felt like saying "no!" It was mind-boggling to me! I realized that I was a big "people pleaser" and very passive when it came to putting up "boundaries." I started changing after that and I became more assertive and gained more confidence in myself through the years.
Bullies and abusive people seem to have an inate ability to gear their assult on a weaker personality.
If one puts them in their place from the offset, they will back down, as underneath their bully facade is a weak person who has low self esteem.
Thanks for posting. How would you define a "weaker personality?" Just curious...Do you remember Edith on the old "Archie Bunker" show? She definitely seemed to have a "weaker" or "pleasing" type of personality. She always wanted to be "nice" and she ignored Archie's obnoxious behavior and "put-downs."
I currently have three bosses who are bullies. My immediate supervisor does as Westie1984 stated; she is older than I, and constantly tells me she likes my work to my face - but when other people are around, she makes snide and nasty comments like "Are you sure you got it right THIS time? You didn't before!" She enjoys telling co-workers about my "incompetence". Of course when she makes a mistake, it is usually "Aw, gee, I made another mistake, shucks, I'll have to do it again! <giggle>"
The next one in line is a bully also; she is one of those who is 'sweet and kind and understanding' but lazy; she can't do her own work and is constantly crying for help help help; then when I make room for her work as well as my own, she demands to know why I "can't keep up". She is constantly investing the company's money in specious projects, that are never followed through to a logical or profitable end, and plunges into the next, and the next, and the next, without a breath between. She makes repetitive last-minute changes to projects that grind them to a halt as everyone struggles to keep up with first this caprice, then the next... then blames everyone else when the work doesn't get out on time.
The supervisor over all three of us is the biggest bully of all; he is arrogant, always trying to rip off the company by saying he is at work when he is actually at his children's homes or off gambling somewhere. The latter two make THREE TIMES my salary, the former one makes twice what I do - and the s___t definitely rolls downhill. I actually walked into a room one day last month to overhear the latter two say, "Well, since neither one of us will take the blame, we'll make it SCGranny's fault!" He once was in a position to discipline 3 people at once, and confided in me, "THIS is why I LOVE THIS JOB - watch them be afraid!" - and he enjoyed every minute of it! He spends the time he is 'trapped' in his office watching videos on his computer, paying his bills, or calling his friends and family and telling them how hard he works. He jokes about his "stable" of girlfriends whom he picks and chooses to accompany him on his exploits.
The sad part is that THEIR bosses are so disconnected that they don't pay any attention to all of the machinations, don't understand the different jobs that people are required to do in their own company, and simply accept whatever they are told - while the company's money goes down the toilet due to waste and theft-by-stealth. The CEOs don't even grasp the simple concept that it may be someone's fault, but it is the higher-ups responsibility to either fix it or be fired. The company limps along from one screw-up to the next, everyone pointing fingers and no one being held responsible, just throwing blame around until it sticks somewhere.
I think I know the reason my immediate supervisor bullies me, though. In the 12 years she has been there, she has run off everyone (4 people) who has worked under her, as well as people from different departments, with her I'm-nice-no-wait-I'm-a-b***h attitude. When I came into the company, I made friends with my co-workers, and I have led a colorful life that they all enjoy asking me about and hearing about; we have good laughs and great times, even socialize outside of the office. It drives her crazy that no one likes HER or invites HER to things, or will even volunteer to sit with her at lunch. I have tried to include her in the past, but she gets offended that I even try - they are supposed to like HER better than they like ME because she's been there longer!
It's all a bunch of insecurity and power plays that I simply don't have the time or energy to invest in. I don't feel sorry for them in the least, in their selfish insecurity and purposeful cruelties - we could all work together and accomplish something really great, but then they couldn't individually take the credit for it, or get the attention that they feel they constantly deserve. The sad part is that I've met all of their adult children - and every last one of them is just as arrogant, as selfish, as manipulative, and as supercilious to everyone as their own parents!
I think "bullies" do feel jealous and envious of people who seem "ok" and happy and content and self-confident...Bringing others "down" seems to pump-up their status. (At least in their minds anyway!)..."Eliminate the competition and you will win the race" is their motto...Or: "Stab 'em in the back when they least expect it!"...They definitely don't believe that "there is enough to go around" for everybody. They operate in a "poverty conscious" type of mentality where they have to "attack" or "steal" or "bribe" in order to "get ahead."...This is why they want to make sure that other people don't get much credit for what they do or think or say etc...Sometimes they can be really sneaky. Their "put-downs" and lack of praise and credit may not be obvious at first...Or they might praise us for minor things to "appear nice" and go in for the "kill" at a later date. (After they gain our trust.)
Westie1984...Thanks for sharing. Sorry about your negative experiences with co-workers on both jobs...Can you go over the temp's head and discuss your problems with a supervisor? I don't like to be handed incomplete information when it comes to performing jobs either..Have you ever read any books about assertiveness training?...Years ago I had a counselor who helped me become more assertive. He had me write down all of the times I said "yes" to people during the course of each day when I really felt like saying "no!" It was mind-boggling to me! I realized that I was a big "people pleaser" and very passive when it came to putting up "boundaries." I started changing after that and I became more assertive and gained more confidence in myself through the years.
Not a problem. I could go to his supervisor/manager but the problem is they are good mates. We both share the same manager and knowing him fairly well, I am certain he'll just tell me to "get over it".
I am going to raise it with him though (had a good think about things over the weekend) as his behaviour in my opinion is not acceptable.
There are some cultural issues at play here as I have lived and worked in a number of countries. Australians like to "joke around" usually with a bit of friendly ribbing, teasing etc which is seen as perfectly normal/acceptable. This guy is really pushing the limit with me and he'll probably just say that he is being harmless (when in fact he is deliberately being a bully).
Thanks for the suggestion about assertiveness training. I'll look into this as I know I am too much of a "Yes Man". I also downloaded a book about dealing with bullies and how to handle them.
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