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IMO, there is no way to make this situation work for you. Looking at the title of your thread, it doesn't really matter if anyone or everyone else feels fine staying alone in a house. I'm a 68 year old female with no special self defense skills and I have felt fine being alone in a house since I was in my teens. But I'm not you.
No matter what the advantages of the place you currently live, this amount of anxiety is not healthy. It is obvious that you would feel better living in an apartment or condo with plenty of people around you at all times. And then talk to a professional about the root reasons for this anxiety, since you yourself admit that your landlord is no real protection, so it's apparent that there is something deeper going on here.
^^^^ THIS!!! ^^^^^
I live alone and I am content.
But I am not you, OP, and you definitely need to live among other people.
This great post explains why.
Have you considered seeking help for the general anxiety? The right kind of therapist could help you eliminate that. For example, if there's some kind of trauma or chronic insecurity in your history, possibly in some aspect of the family environment you grew up in, there's very effective and simple trauma therapy available, that can resolve the underlying emotions at the root of that. You might not even know what the cause is, but wouldn't it be great to be free of the anxiety?
I do see a therapist regarding other issues in my life, but will certainly bring this up in our next session.
Sometimes being alone in this house when my housemates are away for weekends (or longer at the holidays and during summer) can get to me. It's not entirely fearing for my safety. I'm not so worried about home invasions as they seem to be by people who know you have some expensive stuff in your house. We don't aside from my housemates one AR-15. But I do get anxious here when I turn the lights off to go to sleep and suddenly everything is dark and quiet.
How many people suspect someone is going to murder her as OP thinks so.
Thats why I said OP should get into writing novels,make it more exciting with sex,violence.
IS she a Mafia princess?does she deal in illegal activities?why would anyone wants to murder her?
For starters, I do not technically live alone. I rent the top floor of a two-family home. My landlord owns the house and lives on the first floor.
However, he travels constantly, way more often than I do, so it’s not uncommon for me to spend several nights alone, on the top floor of this house with the first floor completely unoccupied. I wouldn’t say I get so terrified that I stay up all night when he’s gone, but I am definitely uneasy, take a while to fall asleep, and jump at every noise. He just left today to visit his daughter until next Sunday, so I am looking at 7 straight nights completely alone. Sometimes I really get annoyed at myself for renting in a two-family, even though it’s preferable to a complex in every area other than safety. I’ve gotten close to checking into a hotel or going to stay with a friend while my LL travels, but obviously this isn’t sustainable. He has a right to travel and enjoy life, and I need to face my fears. Also, even if I get married one day or have roommates and live in a house, there will be times when my spouse or roommate leaves to visit friends or take a business trip, and I will need to spend the night alone.
I am not worried about burglars, as I know they would not break in seeing my car in the driveway, and if they did, they’d scoot as soon as they heard or saw me. But I know the general day vs night rule of thumb for home invasions. If someone is breaking in during the day, it’s a robbery. If they’re breaking in late at night, their intention is to murder me. That’s what I’m worried about, not burglars. It serves as some comfort knowing that a good deal of home invasion murders are committed by someone the victim knows, not a stranger. I am on good terms with everybody in my life and have not pissed anyone off, so no one comes to mind that would be a potential attacker.
Browsing the Internet doesn’t help, as they tell me “crime is everywhere” and that my fears are totally rational. I live in a neighborhood surrounded by families, and it is one of the safest neighborhoods in the entire state, if not the country. The only entrance to my apartment is located on the side of the house, so a murderer/rapist would have to walk up the long driveway, see the door, and realize it leads to a separate living area. Behind that door, there is a tiny staircase, and then there’s another door on top of that staircase also. So they would have two locked doors to break down before entering my apartment.
I also feel that my LL gives me a false sense of safety. Even when he is home, if someone was to break in with the full intention of killing me, he wouldn’t be able to protect me. The comfort comes from knowing that he’d hear what was going on and call the authorities. I do not own a gun or have anything that could be used as a weapon. When my LL is out of town, I’d be truly on my own if the worst happened, and no one would know, including the neighbors, until they found me afterwards. I believe that the benefits of a two-family house instead of apartment building outweigh the costs, but I’d definitely feel safer in a building surrounded by neighbors when LL is traveling. When he’s home, I feel equally as safe as I would in a building, and I’m out like a light.
As a child, I was very afraid of the dark. I slept with the light on for a long time. But when I grew up I read a book about karma, from which I understood that nothing bad can happen to a good person. The law of karma! You just have to be a good person. It affected me so much that I immediately stopped being afraid. Now I sleep alone and without light at all.
As a child, I was very afraid of the dark. I slept with the light on for a long time. But when I grew up I read a book about karma, from which I understood that nothing bad can happen to a good person. The law of karma! You just have to be a good person. It affected me so much that I immediately stopped being afraid. Now I sleep alone and without light at all.
Don't watch the news or else you may find that your "bad things don't happen to good people" theory is a bit flawed. Everybody dies.
I'm alone and in my 60s. I've lived alone for many years. I'm not scared. I take common sense precautions, and I have a gun (I know how to shoot it). Motion detector lights outside, check all doors at night, notice if someone is following me when I drive home, etc.
If you're not comfortable with guns, maybe a baseball bat. A woman needs something to stop a male intruder from getting too close. So it has to something that'll get to him before he can get to you. And remember, a man's arms are longer than yours (men have proportionately shorter legs, longer arms than women).
I do leave radio or tv or something on all night. I don't like silence at night.
I do have a lock on my BR door, if I want to use that at night. I don't, but it's there. Do you have a lock on your BR door?
IMO, there is no way to make this situation work for you. Looking at the title of your thread, it doesn't really matter if anyone or everyone else feels fine staying alone in a house. I'm a 68 year old female with no special self defense skills and I have felt fine being alone in a house since I was in my teens. But I'm not you.
No matter what the advantages of the place you currently live, this amount of anxiety is not healthy. It is obvious that you would feel better living in an apartment or condo with plenty of people around you at all times. And then talk to a professional about the root reasons for this anxiety, since you yourself admit that your landlord is no real protection, so it's apparent that there is something deeper going on here.
Bolding by me. That statement closes the conversation IMO. Last thoughts:
In a nutshell, taking action/steps for self-empowerment is the only thing that eases that kind of anxiety. Watched a program about war vets and PTSD just yesterday, produced by a vet with several combat tours as a Ranger. A friend also was a Ranger and a couple combat tours in his 24 years culminating in retirement as O-5 (Lt. Colonel) in 2014. He had trouble readjusting to civilian life too. Tough, resourceful men...but combat tours affect even the strongest people significantly. They often resort to drinking, substances, idleness, weight gain, or sometimes far worse. Irrational anxiety...or somewhat-rational anxiety about what "might" happen...seem to be common themes.
These folks need purpose and goals. Discussed on the program by the fellow I don't know, and by my friend in my presence. Once the latter found his purpose again and concluded his messy divorce, he gradually eased it down a notch. He's stable and content today. Took about 3-5 years though.
I'm armed, trained, but don't go through life on mental Condition Orange either as that's emotionally exhausting. Thinking that's what is happening here, and with the two men I mentioned. My only purpose for those skills is "last resort" to not be caught flat-footed: an outside chance in the extreme. Being helpless/unaware isn't a clever life-strategy. Neither are physical threats a day-to-day issue as I too live in one of the safest, frankly most upscale neighborhoods in Seattle metro.
When I was a young military wife with a baby twice someone tried to break in at night when I was home alone with the baby. That’s definitely scarred me and when I got divorced last year I knew I couldn’t stay in my house alone. So I bought a condo in a secure building on the top floor and sleep great. You have to know yourself and honor what you need to do to feel safe.
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned getting a burglar alarm. Since the OP's apartment has a separate entrance, the landlord might allow it if the OP paid for it himself. I have one. It's $55 per month and includes a motion alarm, glass break alarm, entry alarm, smoke and CO detection, it's monitored 24 hours a day, and the company will send police or other emergency services. When my smoke alarm went off a few years ago, the fire department was here before I could cancel the alarm. And if I hear a strange noise at night, I know it's not a burglar because the alarm would be going off.
This. My sister has one in her home and she lives alone in downtown Baltimore. She is not worried because that alarm is loud and would cause any intruder to get the hell out of there.
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