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Folks, please. Those of you who feel fine staying by yourselves, quit telling OP that there is something wrong and they need help. It is perfectly normal for humans to want to be surrounded with others at night - this is instinctive behavior.
If you feel anxious at night, do as one poster says and get a good burglar alarm. This will help allay your fears. One of the main reasons older people especially move into communal housing is not wanting to be left alone at night. No one knows whether you are behind that door or not. So if you like where you are, the alarm is a good solution to help you feel easy at night. Otherwise, move into a place where you know you will feel safer. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way and a person needs good undisturbed sleeping to stay healthy.
There are a lot of "doorbell" cameras and other security options out there. Maybe try leaving the tv or radio on? If you're comfortable, you could also get a shotgun.
Order door bars: the kind that snug up against the doorknob. No one can get in. Buy one for every outdoor facing door.
I've had the same issue as you describe until I got the door bars.
I’ve had fears of being alone at night since I was a kid. In my 20’s I lived with my grandmother, and on a couple of occasions when she was in the hospital, I was scared there alone! I’d call my mother or brother when I came home after dark from the downstairs phone (this is waaaay back when phones had cords and you couldn’t carry them through the house) and make them hold on while I searched the entire house, closets, under the bed, etc. I know it’s not a rational fear (especially considering my grandmother was elderly and it’s not like she’d be fending off a serial killer were he hiding in the house) but it’s just a childhood fear I never grew out of.
I do better now and am nervous but not terrified when my bf is out of town, but every shade must be drawn totally without any tiny gap. I feel better being alone in areas where other people are close by, I would not do well in a house in the woods or far away from others.
We have doorbell cameras, but sometimes they add to the fear when you get an alert waking you at 3am!
For starters, I do not technically live alone. I rent the top floor of a two-family home. My landlord owns the house and lives on the first floor.
However, he travels constantly, way more often than I do, so it’s not uncommon for me to spend several nights alone, on the top floor of this house with the first floor completely unoccupied. I wouldn’t say I get so terrified that I stay up all night when he’s gone, but I am definitely uneasy, take a while to fall asleep, and jump at every noise. He just left today to visit his daughter until next Sunday, so I am looking at 7 straight nights completely alone. Sometimes I really get annoyed at myself for renting in a two-family, even though it’s preferable to a complex in every area other than safety. I’ve gotten close to checking into a hotel or going to stay with a friend while my LL travels, but obviously this isn’t sustainable. He has a right to travel and enjoy life, and I need to face my fears. Also, even if I get married one day or have roommates and live in a house, there will be times when my spouse or roommate leaves to visit friends or take a business trip, and I will need to spend the night alone.
I am not worried about burglars, as I know they would not break in seeing my car in the driveway, and if they did, they’d scoot as soon as they heard or saw me. But I know the general day vs night rule of thumb for home invasions. If someone is breaking in during the day, it’s a robbery. If they’re breaking in late at night, their intention is to murder me. That’s what I’m worried about, not burglars. It serves as some comfort knowing that a good deal of home invasion murders are committed by someone the victim knows, not a stranger. I am on good terms with everybody in my life and have not pissed anyone off, so no one comes to mind that would be a potential attacker.
Browsing the Internet doesn’t help, as they tell me “crime is everywhere” and that my fears are totally rational. I live in a neighborhood surrounded by families, and it is one of the safest neighborhoods in the entire state, if not the country. The only entrance to my apartment is located on the side of the house, so a murderer/rapist would have to walk up the long driveway, see the door, and realize it leads to a separate living area. Behind that door, there is a tiny staircase, and then there’s another door on top of that staircase also. So they would have two locked doors to break down before entering my apartment.
I also feel that my LL gives me a false sense of safety. Even when he is home, if someone was to break in with the full intention of killing me, he wouldn’t be able to protect me. The comfort comes from knowing that he’d hear what was going on and call the authorities. I do not own a gun or have anything that could be used as a weapon. When my LL is out of town, I’d be truly on my own if the worst happened, and no one would know, including the neighbors, until they found me afterwards. I believe that the benefits of a two-family house instead of apartment building outweigh the costs, but I’d definitely feel safer in a building surrounded by neighbors when LL is traveling. When he’s home, I feel equally as safe as I would in a building, and I’m out like a light.
Buy a gun and designed for home defense bullets.
Buy the tool to prevent the door from opening if broken into.
(You have to weigh your fears vs the risk of not being able to be saved by firefighters from smoke inhalation or fire)
Buy a fire escape ladder ( the ones which are fast positioned) as a chance of an escape?)
Have your cell phone with 1 911 button ready before bed
Meantime look around your bed for what could be used as an improvised weapon: a heavy base nightstand lamp? A small but very heavy vase? A sharp steel old fashioned letter opener? A scissors? A can of wasp spray? A laser/blinding flashlight?
Baseball bat?
Face your fears.
Practice mentally what would be your course of actions in different scenarios and how would you fight if you detect an intruder and can’t hide or escape fast, or if he points the gun at you, puts a pillow over your face, etc.
Is there a hiding place you could quietly sneak to?
You are anxious as you are afraid of the unknown dangers and feeling out of control.
Take control by rehearsing different scenarios and different courses of actions: day/night, hear tampering/breaking the door or already in close proximity to an intruder, etc.
Practicing mentally will let your brain to calm down as it has potentially already found “the solutions” to answer the need for survival
Have a restful sleep.
Last edited by L00k4ward; 05-28-2022 at 06:10 AM..
I don't usually spend time alone in a house. Sounds like you are in an apt but only one other unit. Maybe you really need to live among more units.
I get that. I’m not interacting with neighbors but it fills my need to be around people somewhat.
If I lived in a bldg with fewer units, what if one or two neighbors out of a handful were weird. That happened. One feels a bit isolated and with no recourse. A crime happened in one of my old bldgs. It had a few floors, never got to know neighbors there. In a other bldg a guy who harassed me for being “ loud” in actuality he was pounding on my ceiling for no reason, calling cops too. He was the loud one. I had no stereo, tv, guests so he was bonkers. My mistake was trying to resolve it amicably. Ruined that apt for me. Come to think of it there was an angry neighbor or avoid neighbor a bit too often. I had to stand up against them to get them to quit. Luck of the draw.
So yeah apts can be a problem, you should get surveillance, alarms, have friends check on you, lock bedroom door . Etc. After doing that, you should be ok.
To answer your thread question, yes. In my entire life, I've probably lived alone for only about several mos to a yr (& I'm not in my 20s anymore) in my 1-bed aot that's on floor 2 of a total of 3. I LOVED living alone. II felt safe, etc, but still took preacautions (dowel in sliding glass door so someone can't just slide the door open, deterrent at the front door, etc.). I, of course, ALWAYS lock doors, whether I'm home or gone for just 2 min.
There's a lot of other units around here, so yes, knowing people are always around day or night helps. I've never been in a single family home alone for any more than maybe 4-6 hrs many yrs ago, so not even overnight.
When I get my own home, I'm sure I'll feel safe in it alone. If not, that would be kind of sad that I wouldn't feel safe alone in my own home.
Ever considered having a security system installed? They have “at home” modes where it will only ring the local PD if the doors and windows are opened but not if motion is detected, like if you were to walk around the house cooking dinner etc. you can either contract a security system company like ADT or purchase a self installed system like SimpliSafe. Installing a camera also helps ease any anxiety too, as you always know what’s going on around the house. Even a simple indoor camera pointing out of a window is useful.
I haven’t felt uneasy being alone in years. I was when I was in my teens but as I get older I care less. I actually prefer being alone because it’s quieter. I do have multiple firearms at my disposal though. And I live in the suburbs where the neighbors are maybe 100ft away so I guess I’m never really purely alone.
Do you have a fancy car or otherwise other materialistic possessions that can be seen from the public eye? Or work in an environment that would make you a target(such as a small business owner, police officer etc)?
These are usually what thieves are after. You less of a target if you blend in like a “regular”. I know a ring that targeted a group of business owners last summer. Stole six figures. They scouted out the owners routine and followed them home. They only broke in when they knew nobody was home, as they knew the consequences for a home invasion rather than a burglary will lead to much more prison time. They just wanted money, not to blood.
I can tell you this. I’ve been at my current house for years. No issues at all. About two years ago I decided to spoil myself and buy two luxury cars. I had them parked outside. Within a few months, my cars got broken into. So I sold them for regular makes and haven’t had issues since. Criminals often lack effort and will only steal and break into things if it’s easy. Hide your wealth, stay away from the bad parts of town, and you’ll be fine.
My first experience doing this in my childhood home, came this spring. My mother was in the hospital for a couple of weeks, and I was in town to "hold down the fort", visit her, help her out when she got home, field the phone calls to relatives and so on.
It really didn't occur to me to feel uncomfortable about the situation, until a relative asked me about it after the second week. I think I was just too busy and exhausted for it to occur to me.
So maybe it depends upon the circumstances. I've never owned a huge house or had it to entirely to my lonesome self. I would find that a bit spooky... this is one good reason why I rent an apartment in a downtown area, rather than a townhouse for the same money in a suburb. Well, that's one of the reasons. Might seem quirky to some. I can hack it short term, long term I'd feel lost in an empty house.
My first experience doing this in my childhood home, came this spring. My mother was in the hospital for a couple of weeks, and I was in town to "hold down the fort", visit her, help her out when she got home, field the phone calls to relatives and so on.
It really didn't occur to me to feel uncomfortable about the situation, until a relative asked me about it after the second week. I think I was just too busy and exhausted for it to occur to me.
So maybe it depends upon the circumstances. I've never owned a huge house or had it to entirely to my lonesome self. I would find that a bit spooky... this is one good reason why I rent an apartment in a downtown area, rather than a townhouse for the same money in a suburb. Well, that's one of the reasons. Might seem quirky to some. I can hack it short term, long term I'd feel lost in an empty house.
But you live in such a great town (if you're still in Ottawa)! Who'd want to live in a suburb when they've got Ottawa to live in?
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