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Absolutely true that you want open communication with your kid. Hey, we all want that. I would just beware of overreacting to stuff. I mean, the dude said he didn't trust rescue dogs? How is this a big deal? I believe you yourself said it was small potatoes, but in the same breath you say you would 'have a conversation' with the neighbor. Are dogs in particular a touchy issue for you?
The risk you take is that the kid starts thinking "oh Lordy, I'm not going to tell dad this or that, because next thing you know he's out banging on someone's door." Then communication slacks off.
Prepare yourself for teenage years. Some nuance in your approach would help you reach your goal of openness, imo.
You can't be certain the tone he had when he said, don't tell. You heard that second hand. Kids may not have the sophistication to relay sarcasm they're not used to. Harmless.
You can't be certain the tone he had when he said, don't tell. You heard that second hand. Kids may not have the sophistication to relay sarcasm they're not used to. Harmless.
So true. I was just thinking of two different scenarios.
1) (goofy bumbling dad voice) "eh, daggum rescue dawgs, can't truss 'em! Heh, heh, chuckle, chuckle....aw now don't tell your parents I said that! Heh, heh!"
2) (Hannible Lector voice) "Now remember child...DON'T tell mommy and daddy what I said...or else." (stares)
Absolutely true that you want open communication with your kid. Hey, we all want that. I would just beware of overreacting to stuff. I mean, the dude said he didn't trust rescue dogs? How is this a big deal? I believe you yourself said it was small potatoes, but in the same breath you say you would 'have a conversation' with the neighbor. Are dogs in particular a touchy issue for you?
The risk you take is that the kid starts thinking "oh Lordy, I'm not going to tell dad this or that, because next thing you know he's out banging on someone's door." Then communication slacks off.
Prepare yourself for teenage years. Some nuance in your approach would help you reach your goal of openness, imo.
I've already raised 3 teens.
I am not getting my panties in a twist. I have no intention to bring it up with him moving. Its just this comment bothers me. I just wondered if other people don't like when people say that to their kids.
If I did, I would wait until we were chatting naturally. I would say "I feel strongly that communication with parents is really important. If my kids are told they cant tell their parents, they know its important to tell us...wouldnt you agree that asking kids to keep secrets from their parents isn't safe"
You can't be certain the tone he had when he said, don't tell. You heard that second hand. Kids may not have the sophistication to relay sarcasm they're not used to. Harmless.
It isn't tone.
It isn't the topic.
It is fully the phrase "don't tell your parents" to a 9 year old girl.
I can see...not many people agree with me. That is helpful. I wonder if they say this to kids. I wonder who they feel when the are told that a grown person told them not to tel their parent something.
So true. I was just thinking of two different scenarios.
1) (goofy bumbling dad voice) "eh, daggum rescue dawgs, can't truss 'em! Heh, heh, chuckle, chuckle....aw now don't tell your parents I said that! Heh, heh!"
2) (Hannible Lector voice) "Now remember child...DON'T tell mommy and daddy what I said...or else." (stares)
The issue is we got a new pup today. He is an adult, and I evaluated him deeply for his safety with kids. But I am also supervising closely and will for at least a year (I don't trust dogs with kids). That is what raised the comments. But not just about our new dog, but also about our older dog. He said bad things about rescue dogs...but he lets his kid spend tons of time here.
I, by the way, think that all parents should know what pets are in the house when kids come over. Some people aren't safe. So checking that is great. I do too! This has NOTHING to do with a pet. Its about telling a 9 year old girl not to tell her parents something.
I mean...overall its minimal. But I don't feel its right.
I am pretty sure it was just off the cuff and that nothing sinister was meant by it. It's great that you've taught your kids to come to you if an adult says they should keep a secret. As an adult, you're in the position to decide if it's anything serious. I think we can all agree that in this case, it's not serious and can be safely disregarded. No harm, no foul.
I remember one of my friends telling me that her daughter came to her, upset that a friend of hers had been keeping a package of candy in her underwear drawer. The friend said to my friend's daughter, don't tell anyone because I don't want my mom to know. A young child might tell her parents something like this, because she doesn't want to keep secrets. A teen woyld laugh and say nothing about it. Those in-between years are for figuring it all out. When to tell, when not to tell. I think it's better for kids to err on the side of caution, especially if someone could get hurt. It's also fine to err on the side of caution if it's an adult saying words that might make the child think something is not quite right. In a few years, your daughter will be able to tell what needs to be reported and what doesn't. on the meantime, don't make a big deal out of little things like this. Other people will say dumb things sometimes. No biggie.
It is fully the phrase "don't tell your parents" to a 9 year old girl.
I can see...not many people agree with me. That is helpful. I wonder if they say this to kids. I wonder who they feel when the are told that a grown person told them not to tel their parent something.
No, I think most here would agree that the phrase is a red flag, not one we use, and in fact one we tell our children to share with us. The difference is that we can discern that not EVERY INSTANCE an adult uses it is worthy of a follow up discussion with the offender. Reaffirm with your child that she did the right thing by telling you. I could see having a discussion with your daughter that sometimes adults, upon realizing they've said something insensitive, try to fix it but actually make it worse.. After that, I'd let it go.
No, I think most here would agree that the phrase is a red flag, not one we use, and in fact one we tell our children to share with us. The difference is that we can discern that not EVERY INSTANCE an adult uses it is worthy of a follow up discussion with the offender. Reaffirm with your child that she did the right thing by telling you. I could see having a discussion with your daughter that sometimes adults, upon realizing they've said something insensitive, try to fix it but actually make it worse.. After that, I'd let it go.
I do agree. I am not worried something worse was going on. I just wondered if other parents found the phrase or suggestion inappropriate.
Things when fine with my kid. I thanked her for remembering, inserted my thoughts. She asked me to promise I wouldn't tell the dad she told me. I said we would talk more tomorrow, but I wouldn't say anything tonight.
The specific event isn't an issue. I just wondered how other people felt about people telling kids not to tell their parents something...even if minor
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