"Don't tell your parents" (teaching, smart, child, 9 year old)
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Does he/did he have kids himself? I can see how a childless adult could miss the impropriety of such a statement.
Yeah he has several. That's why it bothered me. If he was childless I could imagine he might not understand. I guess what got me is my daughter said he made her promise not to tell, not just a half hearted brief comment.
Really it's a non-issue right now. But it irked me. Writing here helped me get it out of my system, which is always good.
Maybe I'm a little sensitive tonight because I attended a trafficking presentation but....
....... old KGB tactic in using a little, a minor offense, to draw in the information target, to start adding the hooks in them in order to get the target to do their bidding.
Okay, say the neighbor is testing the child to see whether or not they would report such a suggestion? If it is reported, it is a non offenseable incident. If it isn't reported or they don't receive a response, then they may have more information on you than you would rather they had.
As I said, I may just be sensitive today because of the nature of the briefing I received.....but that is the kind of request I would not want someone to be saying to a child.
Yeah he has several. That's why it bothered me. If he was childless I could imagine he might not understand. I guess what got me is my daughter said he made her promise not to tell, not just a half hearted brief comment.
Really it's a non-issue right now. But it irked me. Writing here helped me get it out of my system, which is always good.
Hmmmm. "Don't tell your parents" and He made me Promise not to tell are not the same. I want to change my answer.
This is pretty much a non-issue because the parent in question is moving away soon. But it bugs me a bit. If he were staying, I would *for sure* have a conversation about it with him. Wonder if other's feel the same?
So a neighbor dad said something unkind about our pets to my kids (nothing that was bothering him personally, just that he doesn't trust rescue dogs and made a false claim about them). Then he said "don't tell your parents". My daughter knows that if someone tells her not to tell me or dad something, its an alarm and means she should talk to us about it. So at bed time she told me.
Honestly, I don't care what he thinks of my pets. I am a responsible pet owner, very responsible actually. But (especially) another parent telling a kid something and then saying "don't tell your parents" seems so wrong to me. I cant imagine ever saying that to a child.
What do you all think? To me its crossing a line.
PS kid in question is 9
No way. My son wanted to see Deadpool. I was fine with it. He wanted to bring a friend. I asked if it was ok with his mother. Son said no, but we just won't tell her. Um. Hells no. I would never, ever tell someone's kid not to tell their parents something.
I am not getting my panties in a twist. I have no intention to bring it up with him moving. Its just this comment bothers me. I just wondered if other people don't like when people say that to their kids.
If I did, I would wait until we were chatting naturally. I would say "I feel strongly that communication with parents is really important. If my kids are told they cant tell their parents, they know its important to tell us...wouldnt you agree that asking kids to keep secrets from their parents isn't safe"
I don't know...something like that.
Yes, we get it. You're really a cool mom...not uptight or anything. But you STILL want everyone to know and to think as you do on this particular matter. I don't think you'll be able to let it go until you DO "confront" him. But no, you won't mention the incident itself...Sorry, but I don't think there's a way to naturally segue what you want to say. And why back off now if they're moving out anyway? If you really feel that strongly then what's the problem?
I personally wouldn't use that phrase in a non-joking manner and even then only with CLOSE friends/family in a humorous way. Be happy your daughter knew that the phrase raised a red flag and told you about it. Praise you kid for bringing this to your attention and move on. Confronting the other parent is a non-issue in this case since it was just a statement of a different opinion.
Different people see things in different ways and you are receiving your information 2nd hand from a child, who are about as reliable as a text message when it comes to relaying tone and intent.
I personally wouldn't use that phrase in a non-joking manner and even then only with CLOSE friends/family in a humorous way. Be happy your daughter knew that the phrase raised a red flag and told you about it. Praise you kid for bringing this to your attention and move on. Confronting the other parent is a non-issue in this case since it was just a statement of a different opinion.
Different people see things in different ways and you are receiving your information 2nd hand from a child, who are about as reliable as a text message when it comes to relaying tone and intent.
This. The issue that brought all this on is over. The take-away is how you dealt with your daughter to keep her safe without frightening her.
This is pretty much a non-issue because the parent in question is moving away soon. But it bugs me a bit. If he were staying, I would *for sure* have a conversation about it with him. Wonder if other's feel the same?
So a neighbor dad said something unkind about our pets to my kids (nothing that was bothering him personally, just that he doesn't trust rescue dogs and made a false claim about them). Then he said "don't tell your parents". My daughter knows that if someone tells her not to tell me or dad something, its an alarm and means she should talk to us about it. So at bed time she told me.
Honestly, I don't care what he thinks of my pets. I am a responsible pet owner, very responsible actually. But (especially) another parent telling a kid something and then saying "don't tell your parents" seems so wrong to me. I cant imagine ever saying that to a child.
What do you all think? To me its crossing a line.
PS kid in question is 9
Oh the horror!
I think you should go kick his butt and then tell him to never,ever speak,look or get near you or your house ever again lest you really take action next time! I'd ban my kids from ever going near his kids ever again as they are spawn of an evil,evil man who obviously hate your family, has evil intent against your children AND your pets.
Seriously, quit looking for something to be offended over. People say stupid things from time to time that mean NOTHING. It's part of being human.
Is it really worth causing a rift that could grow into a serious uncomfortable/nasty situation between neighbors for YEARS on end?
What do you think neighbors will be saying about YOU if you raise a stink over such a little incident? It will get out as kids have no filter and frequently repeat what their parents say, usually to just the person you don't want them to.
He was thinking out loud, then realized that your kids or you could take it the wrong way or make a big deal about what he thinks about your pets.
Hey, you just opened a thread about something he said, so he might know you better than you think.
Anyway, the important thing is that your kids know how to behave in these cases
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