Will you stay friends with someone who doesn’t have kids?

[Formerly Known As Twenty]

I don't have children of my own, but most of my friends do.

If I limited my circle of friends and acquaintances to only those who were also childless, life would be quite lonely (and a bit boring), I think. I like hearing about what the kids are up to, seeing pictures and videos, hearing about the joys, sorrows, and frustrations of bringing up human beings, and the humorous tales that come along with childrearing. I also enjoy spending time with my friends' children and they are always welcome in my home.

It also helps that none of my friends are of the smug variety, i.e., "you wouldn't understand, because you're not a parent" or the dreaded, "you don't know what real love and sacrifice is because you don't have children." As my partner often tells me, becoming a parent didn't make him a parenting expert, but he's an expert when it comes to his own children as he's known them since before they were born. (He has no idea just how much those words mean to me.)

Sometimes, I think that what helps to make our friendships work is that I wanted to be a parent myself (childless by circumstance), genuinely enjoy children of all ages, and am more than willing to make the appropriate adjustments as necessary to spend time with them up to including the kids in any outings and activities.

[Ginge McFantaPants]

I don't know OP, but your posts are generally very critical of children, parents, and parenting in general. Maybe that comes across in "real life" more than you realize...

[JR1226]

To flip this question around, I’m not sure why my childless friends want to still be friends with me. The distance that has come between us is entirely caused by my family. It’s completely unintentional, but I have a 1 and 2 year old, both born during the pandemic. Trying to load my screaming toddlers into a car, maybe during nap, driving across town to meet friends for a drink sounds like a nightmare. Then if I do see them, I have very little to add to a conversation. No, I haven’t seen the latest movie, had time to read a book, been to the newest restaurant or been vacationing somewhere exotic. Believe me, I wish. I’m sure the exhausted overwhelmed mom of babies is not their idea of a fun friend to invite out for drinks. I feel bad that the friend they remember seems to have been left in the past, and this chubby lady lugging around the whining toddlers is a real drag

[msRB311]

Yes, I think people can absolutely still be friends with childless people when they have kids. I can think of quite a few sisters who are extremely close where one has kids and one doesn't.

[koctail]

Originally Posted by 2x3x29x41

I've never noticed any equating in film or television of childless women as crazy.

Not crazy, but definitely different or odd. I can identify childless people from hearing them talk for 30 seconds. They tend to be strongly opinionated about seemingly trivial things. You can hear it in their voice.

[msRB311]

Originally Posted by koctail

Not crazy, but definitely different or odd. I can identify childless people from hearing them talk for 30 seconds. They tend to be strongly opinionated about seemingly trivial things. You can hear it in their voice.

hmm interesting. Some people can't have kids due to physical medical reasons. It isnt always their choice. That said, I dont think everyone who comes into the world needs to have kids. If someone truly doesn't want them I dont think that makes them weird. Personally I'm tired of stories of women who suddenly decide they want to mothers in their late 40's/50s and go through with it. I guess I should get used to that thanks to science.

[SnazzyB]

Originally Posted by Adriank7

I’ve been told by a few people that they can’t relate to people that don’t have kids. I notice my friends will go out with me as a couple when they have a babysitter but if a night with a just women they only invite moms, not me or other people without kids. And these aren’t kid related events. Some people almost seem shocked if I tell them I don’t have kids. It makes me feel worthless sometimes. I notice how they portray women in movies or tv that don’t or can’t have kids as crazy also.

Maybe there's an explanation. I was trying to imagine myself in your situation, and what would cause women with kids to behave this way. So, these possible reasons are just off the top of my head...

1. Other moms understand the cost of a babysitter. Even if there's a dad at home taking care of the kids...moms have an innate understanding that there is a leash that connects her back to the kids at all times. Women without children (married or single) don't really 'get it' in that regard, and indeed, might make comments like "Oh come on, stay a little longer! You have a babysitter!" Well...babysitters cost. Even when it's daddio watching them.

2. Sometimes single women want to go and do things that mothers can't participate in. Like say, clubbing. Mom is nursing a baby so she can't drink, and her single friends are dancing the night away with a bunch of guys...so she sits there like a bump on a pickle. Not much fun.

3. Sometimes women without children can be a little judgey. Sometimes moms feel like they are failing at this job called motherhood...and who can she talk to about it? Her friends who don't have children can't relate.

4. Sometimes moms only got 5 hours sleep (or less) 3 nights out of 7, and they. are. tired. If she gets together with her other mom friends, she knows that they know what that's like. So if she cuts out early, they get it.

These things I listed...they don't apply to everyone all the time. It won't apply to some people any of the times. But it's SOME reasons why moms act the way they act. I wouldn't take it personally, unless you're the kind of person who judges your mom friends. (And I'm not implying you are at all.)