At my wits end...8 year old bedwetting. (punishment, teenager, wakes up)
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You're too easy on him.
I was a late bed wetter, 6 years old was the last time. I was a very deep sleeper before 6, but that started ending, and I continued wetting the bed sometimes fully knowing what I was doing. I was just lazy. Finally I grew up enough that I didn't like the feeling of laying in wet sheets at 6.
As long as you make it comfortable for him, he won't feel any rush to change. It needs to become uncomfortable to stop. You have two choices--wait until he is finally embarrassed by wearing pullups which could be a few years, or, make him uncomfortable now.
I would take away the pullups, put a plastic cover on the mattress, tell him it is time to grow up and not wear pullups anymore and no longer buy them. Tell him he needs to get up and out of bed and use the toilet like all "big boys". Then if he wets the bed I would make HIM remove the sheets, wash the sheets, dry the sheets, and remake the bed, EVERY SINGLE TIME it happened. He will get tired of doing laundry fast, and the bed wetting will "magically" end.
Other dirty cloths, yes, he is bad about just leaving them where ever he takes them off. Now trash such as food, or other regular garbage, no he doesn’t throw that on the floor. If he has a bowl of fruit or a plate of food, he is bad about leaving the empty or half empty bowl or plate sitting where ever he was sitting to eat it.
He is supposed to change in the bathroom where there is a trash can for his dirty pull-up. But he almost always just leave it on the floor wherever he takes it off. So aggravating.
This sounds like a power play, to me.
What happens when he has a buddy over night? Like a sleep-over?
Best wishes, OP.
It's a problem. I fought it back when I was raising children and never did find a solution. We tried medication, counseling.
I had the laziest, most unmotivated stepson I have ever seen. At one point in his high school career he brought home 2 D's; 3 F's; and an Incomplete. The Incomplete was in Driver's Ed.
Said he wanted to join the army after high school (graduated at 19), but he only lasted 3 weeks. They sent him home.
I gave him the old family car. He destroyed the transmission.
I bought him another car. Loaned him the money at no interest. He agreed to pay me back at 100$/month. He made 2 payments, then abandoned the car.
Helped him get a job at Walmart distribution center, but they fired him after a month.
Spent a week in jail because he got speeding tickets and never paid the fine.
Girlfriend got pregnant, so they got married. Landlord kicked them out for trashing the place. They eventually produced 3 children.
I don't know where he is now.
It was a nightmare... I hope you are more successful than I was.
Best wishes, OP.
It's a problem. I fought it back when I was raising children and never did find a solution. We tried medication, counseling.
I had the laziest, most unmotivated stepson I have ever seen. At one point in his high school career he brought home 2 D's; 3 F's; and an Incomplete. The Incomplete was in Driver's Ed.
Said he wanted to join the army after high school (graduated at 19), but he only lasted 3 weeks. They sent him home.
When the army gives up on on someone you know you have a serious problem.
I agree with all of the people who say take away the pull-ups and make him deal with his habit himself. He is being treated as a baby. I would probably make fun of him if he was my kid, like "Really? You're still in pull-ups? Use the bathroom, for Pete's sake."
It seems like he's being coddled.
Take away the pull-ups, tell him you expect him to wake up when he has to go and actually get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Not lie there like an infant or invalid.
Tell him he will be expected to take care of any accidents and that means complete cleanup - washing sheets, putting new sheets on bed, EVERY TIME. No excuses.
I wonder why his brothers aren't making fun of him. They should.
I had this same problem until I was 7 or 8. So did my older brother. My parents tried everything. I felt bad when they fussed at me, but didn't think I could help it. Now, I know this method wouldn't be used any more because somebody would have to parents jailed for it, but my mother told me what broke my brother was the PROMISE, not threat, of a spanking if he woke up with a wet bed. We had plastic mattress cover on our beds. With just that promise, somehow he stopped. It took a couple "butt warmings" before my bladder started holding it in all night. But the next morning, you'd better not be standing between me and the bathroom.
Like I said, nobody believes in spankings like a large number of us grew up with, but it worked for me!
Best wishes, OP.
It's a problem. I fought it back when I was raising children and never did find a solution. We tried medication, counseling.
I had the laziest, most unmotivated stepson I have ever seen. At one point in his high school career he brought home 2 D's; 3 F's; and an Incomplete. The Incomplete was in Driver's Ed.
Said he wanted to join the army after high school (graduated at 19), but he only lasted 3 weeks. They sent him home.
I gave him the old family car. He destroyed the transmission.
I bought him another car. Loaned him the money at no interest. He agreed to pay me back at 100$/month. He made 2 payments, then abandoned the car.
Helped him get a job at Walmart distribution center, but they fired him after a month.
Spent a week in jail because he got speeding tickets and never paid the fine.
Girlfriend got pregnant, so they got married. Landlord kicked them out for trashing the place. They eventually produced 3 children.
I don't know where he is now.
It was a nightmare... I hope you are more successful than I was.
This is what happens if you wait too long to train children to become responsible for their own actions. It may start with bed wetting allowed too long, and it will end with the rest of that irresponsible bad story if there's too much coddling, as another poster put it.
I'm not a hardcore beat on your children type of parent, my father was though, so I vowed never to hit but made up for it with stern fear. I do have a very stern threatening with words type of personality that can come out like a rocket if I think a child is taking advantage of a situation, but mostly I blame the parents, somebody is failing to raise them with any sense of responsibility. Not blaming you Listener--you inherited through marriage that situation.
It's not hard to train kids to pick up their own clothes and put them in the dirty hamper either, I had mine trained at 3. Just make them feel that they are contributing by doing so and praise them. Stuff like picking up dirty clothes is easy, there's no excuses. Momma don't let your babies grow up to be man-childs.
Some children need a long wind down time at night for their bladder to shut down. When one of our kids was still wetting the bed at seven, our doctor suggested a long wind down time. No exciting TV or running around, but reading in bed for an hour or two.
Then right before he drifted off, use the bathroom one last time.'
It worked.
Need to put an end to him wandering around in droopy diapers. Wake him up in the morning, send him to the bathroom, and check to make sure they are off.
May the lord bless her soul, my Mom went through sheer Hell, trying to figure-out how to get me to stop pissing the bed, but when I look back on it all...if there was anything that helped, it was how she simply threw-up her hands, told ME to figure it out, and STOPPED sending me to bed totally 'wound-up' & frightened to DEATH, that I'd end up doing it all again that night.
Something about me crawling into bed MORE RELAXED, was the 'catalyst' to help me to quit...and learn to 'hold it in' like a "Big-Boy" as she was want to say...lol
I am reasonably-certain that it was because (before that) I was getting in bed to 'Hide' from my Mom's utter-disgust & anger...and when my mind FINALLY 'relaxed' (allowing me to drift-off to sleep) E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. 'relaxed'...including my bladder.
You've already got the routine figured-out...plastic bed-sheet, two or more sets of linens/bedding...if he's mature-enough to step-up & look-after his own messes...then 'line him out'...and STEP BACK.
Once that's taken care of, and he knows HIS part in all of this...'compartmentalize'...and make sure he's not headed-off to bed 'stressed-out' about it.
I'm NOT saying to 'coddle' him...I'm just suggesting you give HIM the ball...and let him run with it.
Unless you did meth or smoked dope while you were pregnant with him, or dropped him on his head as a baby...he should be able to figure this out, entirely on his own.
Other dirty cloths, yes, he is bad about just leaving them where ever he takes them off. Now trash such as food, or other regular garbage, no he doesn’t throw that on the floor. If he has a bowl of fruit or a plate of food, he is bad about leaving the empty or half empty bowl or plate sitting where ever he was sitting to eat it.
He is supposed to change in the bathroom where there is a trash can for his dirty pull-up. But he almost always just leave it on the floor wherever he takes it off. So aggravating.
My teenagers did the same. They were potty trained. However, their dirty clothes - on the floor. Trash, plates of food, glasses are left wherever they were sitting.
You need some punishment/reward system. No TV/computer/cellphone as punishment. A prize for being neat for a full week like going to a movie (or whatever kids do during a pandemic).
The potty/training pants isn't normal, but the untidiness is pretty normal.
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