Originally Posted by Exhausted_stepdad
Hey Jessica,
My partner and I are dealing with the EXACT SAME problem!!!
8 year old boy. Pees almost every night. Either won’t take the pull-ups off in the AM or will drop them on the floor super-saturated. 75% of the time his sheets are soaked too. We use pee pads and liners, etc. but the bed still needs to be stripped. If I don’t ask him or check myself, he won’t tell us that the bed is soaked.
I am not the child’s biological father and have only been on the scene for 2 years, so I have to be very careful with what I say. Lately, I am finding it more and more difficult to bite my tongue on this issue.
The child is smart. He knows better. He just doesn’t care. He also struggles wiping his butt and will happily go about his day smelling like crap.
His mom doesn’t want to hurt his feelings about this, but 8 years old is TOO old to not start taking care of one’s personal hygiene.
We were recently on a month long trip out of province and we had to borrow a washing machine from the owners of the cabin we were staying at. Almost every single day I had to ask to use the machine. I would find the child sitting in front of the TV/Laptop/switch device still wearing his soaked pull-up. I’d kindly ask him to put it in the trash. Then ask if his sheets were wet. “Yeah… they are wet…” .
Over and over, I’d say “listen buddy, I know you can’t help peeing, but you’re 8 years old and you have to start taking some responsibility for yourself. You know that pull-ups are ONLY for sleeping in case you pee, so as SOON as you wake up, they need to be put in the garbage. They damage the floor, mattress, or cushions when the pee leaks out. Also, I don’t know if your bed is wet if you don’t tell me. I want to help you, but you have to meet me half way…”
Next morning same deal.
Cabin owner told my son “if you don’t wet the bed, your dad owes you $0.25”
That worked for two nights. But then he continued with his nightly bed wetting.
Like Jessica stated, I believe that he sometimes will pee in the pull-up because he knows it is “allowed”. After all, that is what the pull-up is designed for. We know it still is an unconscious occurrence too because he’ll pee if he falls asleep in the car on a drive, or on a friends couch after a day of playing.
I must admit, one of the last days of the month-long trip I sharply said, “this is becoming a serious concern. I know you can’t help the bed wetting, but you have absolute 100% control what you do once you are awake. You continue to drop your pee soaked pull-up on the floor and leave a soaked bed for me to find when I’m tucking you in at night. I know you know better and I should NOT have to tell you this Every. Single. Day. I am so tired of this. I don’t know what else I can possibly say to you to get you to comply with this extremely simple request. It is unhygienic, it is damaging to not only our belongings, but the property of the man who owns this cabin, it is exhausting to have to remind you (sometimes multiple times in the same day because you simply do not care), and I know you are capable of doing things that are significantly more complicated.
Do you understand? “Yes”
So why are you not doing it? “I will”
“Here’s the thing, -Childs name-
I have asked you almost every morning for nearly two years now that as soon as you wake up, you put your wet pull up in the garbage and let me know if your sheets are wet, and you still aren’t doing it which is extremely concerning to me. Do you understand that?
“Yes”
So, I think that if this pattern of you lounging around in a soaked pull-up, or leaving it soiled on the floor for someone to find, or not notifying me that your sheets are wet and need to be washed continues, we will have no choice but to take you to a doctor to be evaluated. Again, not because you pee at night, that isn’t the problem. The problem is what occurs after you wake up. It is NOT OK and it needs to stop. Do you understand?
“Yes”
And here we are still making empty threats and fighting amongst ourselves because I want to see some change and my partner thinks we should just be supportive and one day he’ll grow out of it. Maybe if she had to clean up after him every morning she would be as annoyed as I am. Lol.
This morning I suggested that we take away the things he likes to do first thing in the morning and he doesn’t get them back until he has shown us that his pull-up is in the garbage and his wet sheets are down in the laundry room. I think it is fair. But then again, he isn’t my biological child and I don’t get to make the rules.
Being their primary care taker while my partner is away for work, I’m tired of putting my foot down just to have it pried back up and being scolded for being so strict.
I personally believe that coddling a misbehaving child doesn’t yield results, it enables the child to do it again because there’s no real reason for them to stop. There are no consequences for their actions- only a pair of open, welcoming arms and a soft voice saying “it’s OK baby, don’t worry, try to remember tomorrow”.
I’m tired of cleaning up after them. I fear it will ruin the relationship she and I have if I don’t see some positive changes soon.
Best of luck everyone.
Jessica- do you have an update?
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