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This attitude about the homeless being less deserving of nice clothing really irks me. Homeless shelters that house women and children usually have laundry facilities available. I work for a charity. Our clients are given monthly vouchers for clothing, and can select what they need from the same racks as shoppers. Clothing is sorted to weed out anything dirty, damaged or outdated. We hold a coat drive every year to provide clients with NEW winter coats, and they are especially grateful that their children are given something that lets them blend in with their peers.
OP, I live in a wealthy town. Even so, there are students in need here. It may be less obvious in a private school setting, but the public school may have a lead on a teen who would be thrilled to get a new coat. Your granddaughter could even select something online and have it mailed to the school directly.
It’s not really about deserving. It’s about getting more bang for your buck, and the practicalities of keeping items that don’t stay clean or last very long. I worked for two decades helping the homeless. Your post actually confirms what I said. Dirty and damaged things are thrown out and new clothing can be gotten cheaply or for free. It’s often new clothing. I buy things from thrift shops for myself!
But do whatever makes you and them feel good, certainly! It’s a side issue here on this thread.
Bad idea, but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep2
You are sending your grand daughter shopping for your charity.
This reads like passive-aggressive judgey value-signaling, with the bonus of intimating that you think she's a spoiled brat.
If you can afford a $600 class ring like it's nothing, why not buy a plane ticket, fly out, and during the visit do some charity work with the homeless in her town, inviting her along? Or do the same when/if she comes out to visit. Even if she is the selfish overprivileged brat you seem to think her, spending some time with a grandma who demonstrates humility and compassion for others (rather than just signaling it with a tiny fraction of her accumulated wealth), might just rub off.
If you can't be assed to join in the charity work, yourself, just donate in her name.
This is an excellent way to alienate both the young lady and the young lady's parents. It's a way of passing judgment on them, all wrapped up in a bow. Birthday gift giving and the OP's position on charitable giving should not be linked in any way.
By the time my kids were seniors they had already been involved in community work whether through their school's Honor Society or helping their parents (me and hubby) out with volunteer work that we were involved in. If this hasn't already happened with the student in question then this would be a good time for a conversation with her and a possible plan to work on giving back but only with the approval the the parents. The conversation should involve asking the young lady her thoughts on the topic and not turn into a lecture on how lucky she is.
This is an excellent way to alienate both the young lady and the young lady's parents. It's a way of passing judgment on them, all wrapped up in a bow. Birthday gift giving and the OP's position on charitable giving should not be linked in any way.
By the time my kids were seniors they had already been involved in community work whether through their school's Honor Society or helping their parents (me and hubby) out with volunteer work that we were involved in. If this hasn't already happened with the student in question then this would be a good time for a conversation with her and a possible plan to work on giving back but only with the approval the the parents. The conversation should involve asking the young lady her thoughts on the topic and not turn into a lecture on how lucky she is.
This is a good point. I can see how this could backfire on the Op and make the parents and her granddaughter feel judged. That would be sad.
Maybe, instead, the Op could select a teen girl from the Angel Tree and ask for her granddaughter's input on which gifts she should buy. The Op could then order/shop for the gifts and drop them off at the designated spot.
I understand that a grandmother wants their grandchild to get those important life lessons.
However, I don't think a gift giving occasion is the best time to teach a lesson. And the only time I'd say a "donation in the honor of..." is appropriate is when the potential giftee themselves requests it. (Even though in this case it would obviously be an extra gift, not the main one).
Also, from your post it's clear that you would be stepping in where you feel the parents have fallen short. If they perceive that as "meddling" it could create resentment that outweighs the good you mean to do.
I did something like this with my son one year. I chose a same gender child in his age group from a "gift tree" and asked my son to come to the store with me to pick out the gifts. He seemed pleased to be asked for his advice and it led to a good discussion that I think he learned from.
I bet you could come up with a more sure way to reach the same end goal in your situation or maybe your family is not the type who would get bent out of shape over it in the first place. Good luck.
ETA: You didn't ask about this but I'd be sure to ask if she wants a class ring, if you haven't already. I was surprised when my kids and their friends had no interest. Where I live anyway, they don't seem to be the big thing they used to be. Also, a $600 gift is up to you of course but isn't that also kind of spoiling her with material things in the same way you're saying her parents do? In any case, all around she does sound like a great kid and I can tell you have good intentions too. After all, you asked US first lol.
The way I read OP's post, I didn't really get that she was saying parents spoil the girl. It seemed like, to me, the only irritation I picked up was that the parents didn't have their daughter save any of her paychecks, and was allowed to spend it all at the mall.
She DID state that they were all blessed materially, and MAYBE that was an understated way of saying "they're very spoiled" but I didn't really get that.
When I first read this post, I thought OP was saying that INSTEAD of a gift, she would have the granddaughter purchase a coat from someone else, and THAT was supposed to be granddaughter's gift...the gift of charity...but then I realized buying the coat was in addition to the class ring. I like the idea of it.
I don't think it will accomplish much. True charity involves sacrifice. There isn't really anything she is sacrificing here.
As someone who has been the recipient of charity at various times of my younger life, the recipients couldn't give a flying fig if the giver is sacrificing anything.
For the teenager, this is more about fostering a culture of philanthropy.
Coincidentally there was a question somewhat along these lines in yesterday's "Miss Manners" column. The writer asked if, rather than sending a wedding gift to a couple they weren't close to, it would be all right to send a charitable donation in their name.
Miss Manners replied: "Everyone except Miss Manners seems to think that giving to charity is so noble that it should substitute for giving presents, and also that it can be mandated by people who expect presents." (https://enewspaper.ocregister.com/).
I agree. Giving to charity doesn't substitute for giving a personal gift. OP, you said you were also going to pay for your granddaughter's senior ring. That sounds like it's a year and a half away, since she apparently won't even be a senior until next fall, and you don't get a senior ring until near the end of your senior year. Won't that actually be a graduation present? Offering to buy the ring is generous of you, but if I were her, I wouldn't really be thrilled that my grandmother isn't giving me anything for my birthday THIS year except an opportunity to donate a gift to someone else. And it's honestly not for you to decide that she already has enough "material abundance" and shouldn't get any more.
If you want to involve your granddaughter in your charitable donation, I suggest you leave her birthday out of it entirely and simply request her help: "Ashlee, I'm thinking about giving a coat to a girl about your age who needs one, but I don't know what you young people are wearing these days. Would you be willing to help me out by shopping for me?" She might take an interest in it if presented that way. And for heaven's sake, give her a birthday present.
There is also a way you can specify a $$ amount and your granddaughter can decide which charity to give it to. I can't find the website right now. They would send her a "voucher" and she can decide where it goes.
My granddaughter just had her 17th birthday. Our gift is paying for her senior class ring (she’ll be a senior next year at a private school.) She’s got a great life when it comes to material things, her own car, her own bedroom with ensuite bathroom, her first job last summer was well paid and her parents thought it was fine for her to blow every paycheck at the mall…….
So I thought, in addition to our gift, I would give her the honor of buying (us paying for it, her doing the shopping and gifting) a winter jacket for another teen girl who resides at a local homeless shelter. Good or bad idea?
There are people who love to give this type of charity and people who don't. It only matters what your granddaughter thinks.
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