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I have a baby, less than 2 years old and while we try to do our best for our baby, we live in low income and don´t have much money at the moment. We buy all the necessary clothing, nappies, wipes, food but we can only buy few toys. Despite working hours we spend the rest of the day with him and we love him much than he will know. But I am afraid, he realizes that he has no the same opportunities and goods like other kids.
The best and most valuable, most lasting gift for a child is time—
Meaningful time with parents and others so that the child feels valued, respected, loved
Has a deep cushion of memories to fall back on and a relationship that grows with time—
The movie “The Help” about Black maids in a Southern town during Civil Rights Era had a quote that many people loved—
“You is smart, you is kind, you is important and most of all, you is loved” is the daily mantra the nanny Aibileen tells Mae Mobley a child whose mother is often too critical of Mae and too busy being self-important to spend time with her daughter….
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"This too shall pass. But possibly, like a kidney stone."
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OP, will your circumstances change, and you'll have more available money when he's 12 or so?
Do you live in an area where there aren't lots of kids in your situation - you are kind of alone in your income level and the other kids he'll be going to school with come from much more financially comfortable circumstances?
If he's going to school with kids who have the same family situation, he will feel like everyone else. But if his situation is notably less financially secure than all his classmates, he'll notice.
But right now, no. You can buy him a couple garage sale outfits, and a couple garage sale toys and get library books and you're good.
Children are resource hungry, and the resource they desire most is time.
When young, kids won't really care about the number of toys they have. They might start comparing when in their teens, but you can always teach them that life is more than having tons of toys and things. This advice will be handy when they grow up as well
At 2 it doesn't really matter. When he is older, I hope your situation changes so he can participate like other kids. Music lessons, scouts, little league, camp, or whatever kids do today. Kids may remember a few toys, but they will always remember experiences.
My first bike was second-hand. We shopped at a food discount store where we could buy items in bulk. I got 25 cents a week for my allowance and that was enough to buy me a hotdog or slice of pizza and a coke. Most important my mother loved me and I knew that. (My father showed no interest in his three children.)
My sister was a single mother with two daughters. Their father was a notable member of the local community and the two girls would stay with him twice a week. Early on they learned how to behave in front of adults. My sister (a public school teacher) would take the girls during summer vacation and they would stay with my mother for a month. This is when I would see the girls.
I would take them to the movies, play cards, argue with them, go camping ect for maybe 6 years straight. I was shocked to learn their father never took them to so much as a movie and when it came to Christmas would drop them off with his parents. When the girls became young adults the father started to show more interest. He took them to Europe and NY but the damage was done. They rarely talk about their father.
The girls are now 27 and 29. When I call I can tell by the sound of their voice they are smiling.
Your time and love is by far the most important thing you can give a child.
My first bike was second-hand. We shopped at a food discount store where we could buy items in bulk. I got 25 cents a week for my allowance and that was enough to buy me a hotdog or slice of pizza and a coke. Most important my mother loved me and I knew that. (My father showed no interest in his three children.)
My sister was a single mother with two daughters. Their father was a notable member of the local community and the two girls would stay with him twice a week. Early on they learned how to behave in front of adults. My sister (a public school teacher) would take the girls during summer vacation and they would stay with my mother for a month. This is when I would see the girls.
I would take them to the movies, play cards, argue with them, go camping ect for maybe 6 years straight. I was shocked to learn their father never took them to so much as a movie and when it came to Christmas would drop them off with his parents. When the girls became young adults the father started to show more interest. He took them to Europe and NY but the damage was done. They rarely talk about their father.
The girls are now 27 and 29. When I call I can tell by the sound of their voice they are smiling.
Your time and love is by far the most important thing you can give a child.
What is it with old school dads? My dad was EXACTLY like that.
Yeah he worked hard and provided a roof over our heads and food on the table. But that was it. He showed zero interest in his kid's lives - school, interests, accomplishments, etc.
He NEVER talked or discussed things with us kids, even when we became adults he still pretty much just grunted at us.
My mom on the other hand worked a full time job and still had time and energy to take care of us kids and ask us about our school, interests, etc. She CARED and showed it.
Now I am old, my parents are super old... and I love them both. I especially love and like my mom. Don't ask if I like my dad.
As they age and depending on you locale, it can be a challenge to address with understanding and love. My immigrant parents came to the US with little and progress from relatively poor neighborhoods ending my childhood in a very affluent neighborhood. I recall not quite understanding that other kids had all nice stuff, far off destination vacations, nice homes, nice clothes, and cars. I will admit as a young teen feeling a bit "left behind". It wasn't until high school that I truly understood but I had little direction; rebelled a bit and spent more time with friends from lower income neighborhoods because I fit in better. Fortunately I grew into the type that didn't much place an importance on such things. My parents really just avoided the whole discussion with me and I just accepted it as a fact of life. With social media these days, I don't think parents can really just ignore this fact of life as my parents did.
Now as a father of three (twins at 9 and 15), we are trying to do better. Teaching the kids of the value of work/money and learning/doing things rather than just accumulating stuff. We started at a much younger age. Explaining why we don't spend money in certain areas and things when we do. We don't hide the fact that some people will simply have more resources than others. It seems to be working quite well for us. One twin is really into mountain biking, so we decided to spend some good money on his bike. When the other outgrew his bike (a hand me down from a neighbor), he explained that he understood that he wasn't as into biking but he would like to be able to join his brother on rides around town; he was totally happy with a used bike we found on craigslist for $75. A fraction of what we spent on his twin brother's bike. We were so impressed and continue to nurture this type of mentality. My elder son is the same way. We focus on his music lessons and instruments for the same reason. It is easier for him since his passion is music and understand that we put money towards his passion rather than other stuff.
All three have their own debt accounts. They have chores they must do but additional chores is rewarded in their debt card. My elder son started his first job this summer. It was a challenge for him but he is rewarded now with a paycheck. He is even picking up extra hours to earn a little more money before high school starts again. We observed that he "grew up" quite a bit this summer as a result.
So while yes it can be an obstacle as a child ages. Approach it as an opportunity to teach financial responsibility, the value of work, and personal growth. At age 2, I don't think they will care because they won't have any understanding. We started with our kids at around age 6.
I grew up with very few toys. The ones I had I took care of and played with constantly. I still have most of those toys till this day.
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