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And if I get to the point of not taking her over on Sunday afternoons for the family visits then the next thing I'm going to hear is "well don't bring her over here if I can't spank her."
So don't go. They'll get over it. Or they won't. Shrug.
Learn to do you. Let them do them. It is YOUR decision if you want to hang out with the family or not. Sounds to me like not.
If you're looking for validation of not going to GGMa's from internet strangers, you have it. It probably doesn't mean that much.
Here's a suggestion: Talk to the child's pediatrician about the situation and see what they say. I'm pretty sure they'll say don't take her over there, as the situation is abusive and unsafe. Or maybe they'll have some helpful other suggestion. In any case, a professional third party opinion of a real live person (not City Data) will give you some actual credible backing to help you stand up to your jerkoff family.
Don't expect your family not to give you crap when you buck the trend of "how we've always done it and you/she/they turned out fine". They seem to be full of it, with more than enough to share. Try not to let it bring you down.
They will give you that "turned out fine." line. Retort: "There's no harm in me doing better than "fine" raising daughter/ granddaughter."
How hard is it for you to SHUT the bathroom door when you arrive with the toddler? "Popping" a child? I don' think so.
My parents spanked us occasionally. It was the 1960's and the "norm." Not once did they ever spank or pop one of their 14 grandchildren for misbehavior. None of my grandparents ever hit me or my siblings or most of my cousins. One grandmother threatened, but we were smart enough to know she wouldn't do it. The other grandmother did spank one of my cousins. He had ADD. In the 60's people didin't understand that. His family also frequently lived with my grandparents. She never hit the rest of us.
Sometimes old people, and even some not so old people, have unrealistic expectations when it comes to babies and small children, in particular. The adults that think a 13 month old baby should "know better" than to knock over their drink or pick up a fragile figurine are people who either kept their own kids in a playpen w-a-y too much and never allowed them to explore OR they have forgotten how curious and "into everything" little ones can be. Either way, their expectations are not reasonable.
The only solution is to watch the little ones like a hawk when you visit great grandma because great grandma does not have the best of sense when it comes to little kids.
Last edited by springfieldva; 10-11-2022 at 06:35 PM..
Simple. Stop going to great-grandma's house and/or stop letting baby wander around her place. She has a screw loose. If she wants to see her great-granddaughter, she can go to where baby is, and where it's safe for baby. Honestly, it's just not worth it to risk the child's health for 2 years worth of going to batty old GGma's house.
You smack a dog to train it not to do something. If it does it anyway and dies, oh well, it's just a dog. There's lots more in the shelter.
For modern toddlers, post-1890, where you do not have 5-to-12 backup children in case the first few die falling down the well, eating lye, or getting strangled in their sleep, you "baby proof" the house until they're 4 and can reliably follow verbal directions. With rickety old ladies tending rickety old stoves, it sounds like GGMa's place is a deathtrap. I had a childhood friend who had lifelong disfiguring burns from GMa spilling boiling water on them, so that stove thing is no joke.
If you do go to GGMa's place, stay on the toddler like white on rice. Yesm, that's a hassle, but that just means you'll be less likely to bring the toddler over there in the first place, which is safer and better for everyone.
Further, a bunch of early chlidhood trauma of getting randomly spanked based on incomprehensible shifting requirements stemming from some old bat's psychosis (neurotypical adults--even ones who are octogenarians+--do not spank because a refrigerator magnet was touched) is going to be very expensive and difficult to unwind. Therapists, rehab, and lost life opportunities are not worth a few extra hours at GGma's house.
WHAT???? I would never smack my dog!!! We have a conversation about right and wrong. And your attitude about their being other dogs if he dies....well, jeez.....that is just offensive. really.
How hard is it for you to SHUT the bathroom door when you arrive with the toddler? "Popping" a child? I don' think so.
My parents spanked us occasionally. It was the 1960's and the "norm." Not once did they ever spank or pop one of their 14 grandchildren for misbehavior. None of my grandparents ever hit me or my siblings or most of my cousins. One grandmother threatened, but we were smart enough to know she wouldn't do it. The other grandmother did spank one of my cousins. He had ADD. In the 60's people didin't understand that. His family also frequently lived with my grandparents. She never hit the rest of us.
My mother had the pancake turner (as a spanker) but we would run around the house, laughing, to make her chase us, and she rarely caught us.
Then the next thing I'll have to deal is momma calling me wondering why I haven't brought my grandbaby over to see her.
When that happens, answer her question honestly. And if he raises her voice and rants, you can just tell her that's the way the you and the child's mother feel about it, and end the conversation.
How hard is it for you to SHUT the bathroom door when you arrive with the toddler? "Popping" a child? I don' think so.
My parents spanked us occasionally. It was the 1960's and the "norm." Not once did they ever spank or pop one of their 14 grandchildren for misbehavior. None of my grandparents ever hit me or my siblings or most of my cousins. One grandmother threatened, but we were smart enough to know she wouldn't do it. The other grandmother did spank one of my cousins. He had ADD. In the 60's people didin't understand that. His family also frequently lived with my grandparents. She never hit the rest of us.
Because you don't go changing things in someone else's house to suit you. The first thing my mom would say is "why are you closing my doors? You need to pop her and teach her not to go in there. Open My door back."
And yes, I agree with you. Grandparent's don't usually spank. And especially great-grandparents rarely ever spank. I'm not saying my mom is on some sort of power trip because at the end of the day that's her house but I just don't think it's cool to spank her for everything. In her mind children should sit in one spot and play with the one toy they are given.
Because you don't go changing things in someone else's house to suit you. The first thing my mom would say is "why are you closing my doors? You need to pop her and teach her not to go in there. Open My door back."
And yes, I agree with you. Grandparent's don't usually spank. And especially great-grandparents rarely ever spank. I'm not saying my mom is on some sort of power trip because at the end of the day that's her house but I just don't think it's cool to spank her for everything. In her mind children should sit in one spot and play with the one toy they are given.
I'll disagree. Great-Grandparents are sort of like alien beings. It's hard to comprehend the world they lived in.
I had a Great Grandmother from the "old country" who lived through the hell of several wars rolling over her homestead. She was raped, robbed, and beaten by soldiers on more than one occasion. The same thing happened to her family, siblings and cousins starved or were murdered, etc.
This didn't do any favors for her mental state or how she treated her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Her "crazy" attitude was understandable, but that didn't mean her descendants had to let her visit her childhood traumas on successive generations.
My comments on "doing better", or "it's just a dog", or "backup children" are serious and not tongue-in-cheek. Previous generations lived in a harsher world than we do. They made it better, but they came out damaged. They have valuable knowledge and contributions to make to child-rearing, but their way of raising children is inferior to ours. Our children will (in aggregate) be better people than we were for being taught and raised in an environment of tolerance and love. Our grandchildren will be raised by even better parents (our children) than we are. Or they will, if we do our jobs right as parents.
I don't think the GGMa in this case is as extreme as mine, but I'm sure she had some sort of crappy upbringing. You are under no obligation to allow her to project that onto your child or grandchild with her weird psychosis about kitchen magnets and other BS, in fact the opposite is true.
Like I said, ask for 3rd party validation from a professional childcaregiver (pediatrician, child psychologist, pediatric RN) and then stop or cut back on visits to GGMA if they advise the situation is unhealthy for the child (it is), and you can't get GGMA to lighten up.
Spanking a baby seems stupid and cruel. Sounds like grandma needs to control herself.
I can recall getting spanked when i was probably between the ages of 7 and 10 by my mother. I think I did quite a bit of back talk which I can see where that would be frustrating...and I know my mom was spanked by her mother for probably doing less than i did. I've had times where she'll tell me to give my own kids a 'crack' when the misbehave. She is a pediatric nurse, a very nice woman...but some older people simply think that is how kids should be disciplined if they cross the line.
My 8 year old has been trying my patience lately but I haven't spanked. He'll try to grab the TV remote when Ive said no and he'll chase me around trying to grab it from me or cry about wanting candy flinging himself on the ground. It isnt easy and sometimes I just want to give because I don't want to listen to him.
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