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Many years ago my mom, who was a stay at home mom while dad went to work, use to babysit people's kids for extra income in the house. My mom is one of those old school mom so she got the various kids trained based on her schedule. They ate at a certain time. The napped at a certain time. They sat in one spot and played in that one area and didn't move. I remember seeing my mom dealing with these kids and if a toy they were playing with rolled too far from their reach they wouldn't even move to go get it. Someone had to push the toy back to them so they could keep playing. Again, countless kids have come under my mom's care in the many years she use to do that. When dad's health started to fail she had to stop keeping kids to tend to him. Dad's still around and all is well. I now have a daughter and my daughter has a daughter now so my mom is over the moon about finally having a great-grandchild. There are grandkids in the family but this is the family's first great grandchild.
Wit covid being as bad as it was last year me, one of my sisters, and my mom decided that it wasn't the best time to put the baby in daycare so my daughter could go back to work. My sister and I work from home permanently so the decision was made that we would alternate who kept the baby during the day. She'd come to my house a few days, my sister's house a few days, and my mom would even watch her one day. That worked great until it because to much of a burden on mom with having to take dad to doctor's appointments and things like that. So now the baby has been coming to me and my sister's house primarily. She's now walking and moving around our houses. We, my sister and I, both bought her some alphabet refrigerator magnets and butterfly refrigerator magnets to pay with at our houses. Those are her toys. Teaching colors, letters, numbers, shapes, etc. She walks all day long playing with them or you'll find a butterfly in the living room where she's taken it off the fridge and was playing with it. Again, those are her toys. In my mom's house she also has refrigerator magnets on her fridge but no one touches them. NO ONE! If you wanna get cursed out, touch one of her magnets. These are magnets from places we have gone as a family on trips and things, or other people have gone and all she asks for is a fridge magnet. If we go anywhere we always bring mom a magnet back for the fridge. We're not talking a Tiffany fridge magnet or magnets with Swarosky crystals in them. Just your run of the mill $1 or $2 gift shop magnet that may say Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon. Her fridge if full from top to bottom with magnets. I told my mom, as a joke, that when she passes away we're going to stick those magnets on her casket and bury her with them. Now I'm not taking anything from her because those are her magnets and she can do with them as she pleases. The other week we all were there for Sunday dinner and my daughter and her sister (from another guy) were in the kitchen fixing their plates. Someone mentioned to my mom that the baby was touching her magnets. and my mom jumped up and ran to the kitchen to spank the baby.
The way my house and my sister's house is set up we keep our bathroom doors closed where as in my parent's house the bathroom doors are always left open. When the baby walks into the bathroom my mom runs to pop her saying "that baby should not be walking in the bathroom." And the way mom's kitchen is set up the kitchen table is in the middle of the floor and the stove is right next to the table with room to walk in between. When the baby walks past the stove mom fusses saying we need to teach her not to walk past the hot stove. In my sister's house there is an island in the middle of the floor and the stove is on one side of it so the baby typically just walks around the island when she's there. Mom is typically always cooking. In our house the table is in the dining area away from the stove and the only thing in front of the stove is the fridge with about 7 or 8 feet between them. Again, the same area we have her fridge magnets she likes to play with. Me nor my sister are cooking during the day because we're working so the baby walking by a cold stove is not an issue.
My mom is always getting on me about how we need to teach her not to do those things. But in our house those things are fine. She plays with "her" fridge magnets because they were bought for her to play with. She pulls them off then sticks them back. She walks past the stove because it's the only route in the kitchen to get to her magnets and plus it's always off during the day so it's cold. We keep our bathroom door closed so she's not walking in there just messing with stuff. The baby will be 2 next year. I guess my mom expects us to teach her not to touch stuff on our fridge so that when she comes over there she will know not to tough her fridge. We should leave our bathroom door wide open and pop her when she wants to walk in it so again, when she goes to visit great-grandma she knows not to walk in her bathroom. And we should pop her every time she walks by the stove, even though it's not on at all and is completely cold, so that when she goes to visit great-grandma she knows not to walk on that side of the kitchen table next to the stove.
In our house she knows those things we have designated for her not to touch and she honestly doesn't ut how do you teach them for someone else's house? Most people's house are completely different than the next person so it's hard to teach a toddler not to touch something in their house that is totally fine in your house.
Again, my mom is one of those old school parents where you popped a kid for everything to teach them. How do I teach my grand-daughter not to do something in her house that she is allowed to do in ours? I'm not trying to change our mom's mind when it comes to child rearing but not everything deserves a popping or spanking. And it seems that when all of my siblings are they they tend to keep a constant eye on the baby so that when she gets close to the bathroom they'll usually say something to our mom, "look, she's getting close to the bathroom." It's like they're trying to get her into trouble. She's almost 2 and she's exploring. No, we're not letting her play with knives or chemicals. She's just exploring new places she's never been in.
Simple. Stop going to great-grandma's house and/or stop letting baby wander around her place. She has a screw loose. If she wants to see her great-granddaughter, she can go to where baby is, and where it's safe for baby. Honestly, it's just not worth it to risk the child's health for 2 years worth of going to batty old GGma's house.
You smack a dog to train it not to do something. If it does it anyway and dies, oh well, it's just a dog. There's lots more in the shelter.
For modern toddlers, post-1890, where you do not have 5-to-12 backup children in case the first few die falling down the well, eating lye, or getting strangled in their sleep, you "baby proof" the house until they're 4 and can reliably follow verbal directions. With rickety old ladies tending rickety old stoves, it sounds like GGMa's place is a deathtrap. I had a childhood friend who had lifelong disfiguring burns from GMa spilling boiling water on them, so that stove thing is no joke.
If you do go to GGMa's place, stay on the toddler like white on rice. Yesm, that's a hassle, but that just means you'll be less likely to bring the toddler over there in the first place, which is safer and better for everyone.
Further, a bunch of early chlidhood trauma of getting randomly spanked based on incomprehensible shifting requirements stemming from some old bat's psychosis (neurotypical adults--even ones who are octogenarians+--do not spank because a refrigerator magnet was touched) is going to be very expensive and difficult to unwind. Therapists, rehab, and lost life opportunities are not worth a few extra hours at GGma's house.
How I've taught kids to not touch others things or open drawers, doors, and cupboards is to gently and repeatedly tell them at *my* house (or their own), they can touch those things because they have permission and/or they belong to them, but at other people's houses, you need to use your words to ask if you can touch or open something (if the child is old enough to be verbal). With time and patience, this method really has worked--at least for me. I myself was taught this from a very early age. No need for spanking necessary. Even my own old-school parents reserved physical punishment for dangerous offenses. It wasn't used for minor offenses.
You and/or your daughter might need to have a heart-to-heart with your mom about not laying punishing hands on your child if she attempts to spank your granddaughter again. I second the recommendation on keeping an extra close eye on the little girl until she fully grasps the concept of what she's permitted and not permitted to touch or walk near in GG's house. Pick her up or gently guide her away from walking near the stove while telling her that we don't do that here, for example. No sense in setting her up for failure.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 10-11-2022 at 10:37 AM..
Simple. Stop going to great-grandma's house and/or stop letting baby wander around her place. She has a screw loose. If she wants to see her great-granddaughter, she can go to where baby is, and where it's safe for baby. Honestly, it's just not worth it to risk the child's health for 2 years worth of going to batty old GGma's house.
You smack a dog to train it not to do something. If it does it anyway and dies, oh well, it's just a dog. There's lots more in the shelter.
For modern toddlers, post-1890, where you do not have 5-to-12 backup children in case the first few die falling down the well, eating lye, or getting strangled in their sleep, you "baby proof" the house until they're 4 and can reliably follow verbal directions. With rickety old ladies tending rickety old stoves, it sounds like GGMa's place is a deathtrap. I had a childhood friend who had lifelong disfiguring burns from GMa spilling boiling water on them, so that stove thing is no joke.
If you do go to GGMa's place, stay on the toddler like white on rice. Yesm, that's a hassle, but that just means you'll be less likely to bring the toddler over there in the first place, which is safer and better for everyone.
Further, a bunch of early chlidhood trauma of getting randomly spanked based on incomprehensible shifting requirements stemming from some old bat's psychosis (neurotypical adults--even ones who are octogenarians+--do not spank because a refrigerator magnet was touched) is going to be very expensive and difficult to unwind. Therapists, rehab, and lost life opportunities are not worth a few extra hours at GGma's house.
I totally agree with you on what you say. The thing is this. We always get together at the family house for Sunday dinner and just to connect and have some fun. If I'm late getting there they're calling or texting asking where I am and if I'm bringing the baby. It's like they want to see her but they also want to get her into trouble. And I guess I'm just tired of her being popped for no reason. But if I keep her to myself and don't let any of them hold her or let her walk around then I'm looked at as being snotty. I'm totally fine with popping or spanking a child when they do wrong, but I do not agree with another grown person watching her do something only to yell like she's pulling knives out the silverware drawer or she's in the bathroom playing in the toilet. They'll call our mom when she's just standing at the bathroom door looking in.
I totally agree with you on what you say. The thing is this. We always get together at the family house for Sunday dinner and just to connect and have some fun. If I'm late getting there they're calling or texting asking where I am and if I'm bringing the baby. It's like they want to see her but they also want to get her into trouble. And I guess I'm just tired of her being popped for no reason. But if I keep her to myself and don't let any of them hold her or let her walk around then I'm looked at as being snotty. I'm totally fine with popping or spanking a child when they do wrong, but I do not agree with another grown person watching her do something only to yell like she's pulling knives out the silverware drawer or she's in the bathroom playing in the toilet. They'll call our mom when she's just standing at the bathroom door looking in.
The law needs to laid down by your daughter than no one is to be laying a hand on that baby girl. I don't care if that's how you and your siblings were raised and how your mother handled her childcare charges, that's not acceptable behavior, in my opinion.
Also, is there any chance that your mom could do some light childproofing such as shutting bathroom doors until little one fully grasps the concept that those are rooms that she's not to be in unless she's using them to do her business (once she's old enough for going to the toilet on her own or is at least in the process of being toilet-trained)?
This is a cultural difference that I'm intuiting where physical discipline is still very much an acceptable parenting behavior, so you might have a fair bit of push back--at least initially.
How I've taught kids to not touch others things or open drawers, doors, and cupboards is to gently and repeatedly tell them at *my* house (or their own), they can touch those things because they have permission and/or they belong to them, but at other people's houses, you need to use your words to ask if you can touch or open something (if the child is old enough to be verbal). With time and patience, this method really has worked--at least for me. I myself was taught this from a very early age. No need for spanking necessary. Even my own old-school parents reserved physical punishment for dangerous offenses. It wasn't used for minor offenses.
You and/or your daughter might need to have a heart-to-heart with your mom about not laying punishing hands on your child if she attempts to spank your granddaughter again. I second the recommendation on keeping an extra close eye on the little girl until she fully grasps the concept of what she's permitted and not permitted to touch or walk near in GG's house. Pick her up or gently guide her away from walking near the stove while telling her that we don't do that here, for example. No sense in setting her up for failure.
Again, totally agree with your points but the baby is not even 2 years old yet so telling her "you can't touch X here" or "don't go into room Y is gonna be babble for her. I get what you're saying, trust me I do. I just don't think she's at that age or stage yet to fully understand what it means to not touch fridge magnets when she's allowed to at home or at our house. Or getting her to understand not to walk past a stove whether someone is cooking or not. But then you have other grown adults who will be playing with her then when she walks away they won't go get her or say anything until she walks to the other side for the house by herself and goes into the kitchen only to yell to mom, "she's messing with the magnets again."
Again, totally agree with your points but the baby is not even 2 years old yet so telling her "you can't touch X here" or "don't go into room Y is gonna be babble for her. I get what you're saying, trust me I do. I just don't think she's at that age or stage yet to fully understand what it means to not touch fridge magnets when she's allowed to at home or at our house. Or getting her to understand not to walk past a stove whether someone is cooking or not. But then you have other grown adults who will be playing with her then when she walks away they won't go get her or say anything until she walks to the other side for the house by herself and goes into the kitchen only to yell to mom, "she's messing with the magnets again."
It might be babble, but as with most things with little ones, she'll get it soon enough.
In more than a few ways, telling a kid something while pulling them away from where they're not supposed to be while shutting the door serves the very same purpose as your mother giving her a whack when she does the very same thing. Words plus actions will stick in her very plastic mind sooner than one might think.
As for the other adults, they're being *******s at worst and unhelpful at best. Even though I'm sure that they love being around the little one, they need to either step up and help out when baby girl toddles off to the forbidden zone and grab those magnets or just keep their mouths shut.
The law needs to laid down by your daughter than no one is to be laying a hand on that baby girl. I don't care if that's how you and your siblings were raised and how your mother handled her childcare charges, that's not acceptable behavior, in my opinion.
Also, is there any chance that your mom could do some light childproofing such as shutting bathroom doors until little one fully grasps the concept that those are rooms that she's not to be in unless she's using them to do her business (once she's old enough for going to the toilet on her own or is at least in the process of being toilet-trained)?
This is a cultural difference that I'm intuiting where physical discipline is still very much an acceptable parenting behavior, so you might have a fair bit of push back--at least initially.
The thing with my mom "child-proofing" her house would go over like this. She's not going to do it. Her method of child-proofing is to spank them so they know not to touch it. My mom doesn't move anything out of the way of kids. When she says don't touch it she means DON'T TOUCH IT. Again, I have spanked from time to time but I just don't think an 18 month old knows that a refrigerator magnet is not to be touched in someone else's house when they are allowed to touch it in their house or granddaddy's house. Because granddaddy bought you fridge magnets to play with.
And if I get to the point of not taking her over on Sunday afternoons for the family visits then the next thing I'm going to hear is "well don't bring her over here if I can't spank her."
I wouldn’t bring the baby. I can’t imagine a gg hitting a baby. Ugh!
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