Do you have a favorite child? (girls, daughter, marry, husband)
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A friend of mine said that you love your children equally, but you don't like them equally.
I've only got one, so no question about who is the favorite, but for parents with more than one child, I think it is really important to treat them equally because it is really hard on the child who is obviously not the favorite and who gets short shift on time, affection, and goods. Sometimes it isn't good for the favored child either who gets spoiled by being favored and doesn't have to work to get anything.
To add to what you said --- Sometimes a sibling gets favored by the parent as a way of pitting the kids against one another. My mother did that. I have 2 younger brothers. The older of the two was my mother's favorite. She was always telling my other brother and me just how wonderful favorite brother was. Favorite brother brought home Bs and Cs on his report card and mother praised him for being "a plugger". I brought home A's and Bs and was told I had terrible grades. My other brother and I started calling him "perfect" to which my mother said "Well, he is perfect!" What she was doing was undermining his relationship with his siblings.
When I was ready to be a mother, my husband and I agreed that we would just have one child. My main reason for that was I didn't want to find myself falling into the pattern of favoring one over the other. Nor did I want to burden the oldest child by forcing him/her to constantly watch his/her siblings. My husband had different reasons for only wanting one child --- He himself was an only child and was concerned that he wouldn't handle it well if the kids were fighting with each other.
I love all my kids the same. There was a lot of friction when they were teenagers, so I did not get along with them the same though. Now they are adults living alone and we get along great.
Well, we are supposed to say we love them equally, and indeed I do. And like them equally. But they are different. I trust all three, unequivocably. But I know one ( in particular ) will be there to look after me when the time comes, not because she loves me more than the others, just because it is her nature.
They each have different skills. I would trust any of them to manage my wealth, but one is probably more skilled at that than the other two.
But, do I love the two spouses of my kids equally? No. I like one very much and the other is just okay. I treat them both with the same respect and consideration, or at least I think I do. And they are both good for my kids. It is just that I don't "connect" as well with one of them.
Same with my three grandchildren. I love them all, but they are all hard to connect with, though I am hopefull that will improve as they get a bit older. They are not being raised the way I was raised, on the way my kids were raised, and that is okay, I respect that, just makes it harder for me.
Its just my observation, but I think the "favorite child" thing is more common and likely more of a problem in large families. We had a boy and a girl and I used to joke that my son was my "favorite boy" and my girl was my "favorite girl".
I have observed though in some large families around me that it seems inevitable that certain kids are preferred over others. I've seen parents who only talk about the one child and never mention the others. Usually that child is the one who achieved the most.
Sometimes one child is the favorite of the father and another child is the favorite of the mother. Whatever the situation the problem is a real one in some families and it can be enormously destructive to the self esteem of the children who aren't picked as the favorite one or ones.
No, I do have favorite children, "MINE"! I have a son from my first marriage who is mid-40s, and a child with special needs who is 37 (still at home due to horrible programs here), adopted at 4 weeks of age adopted with my current husband.
Neither is my favorite, well, on some days it would have seemed that with the behavior of one or the other it was that way, but not overall.
Did my mother have a favorite? I always believed she favored my brother, but a lot of people feel that they are not a favored child. Well, when photos were passed on to me several years ago, it was as obvious that I was right. She was holding my brother and turned away from me. My brother was more like her family, and myself like Dad's family who she did not care for, and there are a lot of photos with me with the grandparents, hanging out with Grandpa in particular.
Don't think that the child or children not favored don't realize it.
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