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Sounds like you're doing great brother. I mean that. Just keep being involved and trying to help him stay active. Sports are always good for many things, especially a team sport for him. He'll probably conform with the other kids and see they aren't throwing tantrums and that may help influence him.
My boy is 16 and had pretty deep problems. He still does but our focus is to keep him away from drugs and any gangs/bad influences as well. We try hard and are pretty succesfull but not 100%. It's tough. All we can do is try our best, and keep trying.
Appreciate the detailed response
When you say consequences what specifically would you do ?
He’s 9 yr now , meds were started at 8 yr old and he’s at the lowest dose possible
Sports is something I need to look into further , he’s not very good at them I wanted him to join scouts too but mom is opposed to it
Please share any other pearls on how you raised your kids
I think this identifies the source of a lot of the problem.
I agree on joining Cub Scouts, esp if you can get in a good pack that does outdoor activities. Gets them away from the game and involved in other things. Best thing is Cub Scouts are about what you do together. Don't be a drop and run parent but get involved with them. He won't be 9 forever and those teen years come way to soon. Take advantage to spend the best time together. Get him started right and keep him in all the way through Eagle. A kid earning Eagle is as much about parental support as it is about the kid themself. It's a journey together.
Raised 3 boys and 1 girl into productive, capable, competent adults. Two of the boys were very out-door types like me, the other (youngest) like his mom. All of them are now productive adults. Oldest boy was diagnosed with ADHD. Turned out to be BS. Long story, but yeah... pure school system BS.
Long story short.... to keep them on the good path, both mind and hands need to work together. Some need more hands on stuff, like my oldest, some need more cerebral stuff like my youngest, some need more social stuff like my middle boy. I have to say ... having the oldest child, I had 4 total, my daughter really helped. She kept the boys in tow for many years. I believe kids need a dog to teach them to take care of things. Daughter had horses.
It was hard work with 4 kids, full time job, building a house, a wife, horses, dogs, cats, and every type of critter they could keep as pets, but worth it. Keep them engaged with what suits them and don't be afraid to MAKE them, that's right make them do stuff. Teach them stuff, make them learn. Teach them about "boot straps" and how to use them. Show them how to fail with honor and dignity and above all show them how you've failed.
Be strong, be fair, be mindful, be thoughtful, be blessed and learn to live and pass it on.
My son is 35 now, the only thing I would change, if I could, spending more time with him growing up and less time at work. You are crushing it, enjoy time with your son.
SO updates
he is still not getting along with his mom
its surprising to me as i think she is a caring loving mother
and she is no more strict than I am
homework is what triggers him
with me its tough too but we muddle through it somehow without meltdowns
but with mom its one EVERYDAY
its tough as im working full time and his mom isnt
im not saying im a great dad or anything but i dont understand how to improve this mother son home work issue , as honestly its killing me with stress
If your child has ADHD he is neurodivergent and typical resolutions won’t work. His brain is wired differently. Learn more about ADHD and specifically what type he has. Join an ADHD support group. Playing Minecraft may be his way of unwinding. Sounds like you are doing the right things so far and just need to understand how his brain is wired.
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Originally Posted by Dad01
SO updates
he is still not getting along with his mom
its surprising to me as i think she is a caring loving mother
and she is no more strict than I am
homework is what triggers him
with me its tough too but we muddle through it somehow without meltdowns
but with mom its one EVERYDAY
its tough as im working full time and his mom isnt
im not saying im a great dad or anything but i dont understand how to improve this mother son home work issue , as honestly its killing me with stress
He's having meltdowns with her, because he trusts her to continue loving him and not turn on him, and it's a safe place for him to vent his frustrations.
He keeps his frustrations in check all day, in less safe environments to express them, and he deposits them on her. So he can get through keeping them in check in other places.
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