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We have three kids: A 14yr old boy, an 11yr old girl, and a 5yr old girl.
The 14yr old boy wants to stay up all night gaming, swears in most of his sentences, and thinks we are the strictest parents in the world.
On school nights we take his phone from him at 9:30pm. It is often a massive battle. He thinks he should have devices until at least midnight, or preferably all night long.
Often he will sneak another device into his room by creeping into our bedroom and taking one while we sleep, or hoarding older devices that we were not aware of. I often catch him gaming in the middle of the night but if he hears me coming, he quickly switches off the game and then denies everything.
He refuses to go to bed either way and often keeps family members awake with all his noise. When approached, he will say “sure, I’ll keep it down”, but will be noisy again almost immediately. If I start losing my patience, and threatening him with “no devices tomorrow” or something similar, he will yell at the top of his lungs, call me the C word, punch the walls, tell me to "F off", tell me I'm mentally abusing him, tell me he hates me, etc. I will sometimes visit him five times in the night because his noise is preventing me from sleeping, to try to get him to stop making noise and go to bed.
He has zero interest in school or doing chores. His only chore is to do the dishes once every two days, and he says we should be grateful to him for doing this job for us, which we are but he makes out like it’s a huge deal and that he’s very hard done by.
When he doesn’t get his way he routinely threatens suicide or leaving. He feels he needs to get “revenge” for anything that doesn’t go his way and has a deep need to “win” any confrontation.
We don’t know what to do. We think we have all the devices over night but he often gets hold of another one.
What time are other parents seeing their 14yr old go to sleep? Are other 14yr olds doing more chores? Are we too strict? Any advice?
We have three kids: A 14yr old boy, an 11yr old girl, and a 5yr old girl.
The 14yr old boy wants to stay up all night gaming, swears in most of his sentences, and thinks we are the strictest parents in the world.
On school nights we take his phone from him at 9:30pm. It is often a massive battle. He thinks he should have devices until at least midnight, or preferably all night long.
Often he will sneak another device into his room by creeping into our bedroom and taking one while we sleep, or hoarding older devices that we were not aware of. I often catch him gaming in the middle of the night but if he hears me coming, he quickly switches off the game and then denies everything.
He refuses to go to bed either way and often keeps family members awake with all his noise. When approached, he will say “sure, I’ll keep it down”, but will be noisy again almost immediately. If I start losing my patience, and threatening him with “no devices tomorrow” or something similar, he will yell at the top of his lungs, call me the C word, punch the walls, tell me to "F off", tell me I'm mentally abusing him, tell me he hates me, etc. I will sometimes visit him five times in the night because his noise is preventing me from sleeping, to try to get him to stop making noise and go to bed.
He has zero interest in school or doing chores. His only chore is to do the dishes once every two days, and he says we should be grateful to him for doing this job for us, which we are but he makes out like it’s a huge deal and that he’s very hard done by.
When he doesn’t get his way he routinely threatens suicide or leaving. He feels he needs to get “revenge” for anything that doesn’t go his way and has a deep need to “win” any confrontation.
We don’t know what to do. We think we have all the devices over night but he often gets hold of another one.
What time are other parents seeing their 14yr old go to sleep? Are other 14yr olds doing more chores? Are we too strict? Any advice?
He needs anger management first, then maybe later you can have a rational discussion. Good therapists can be hard to find, so start now.
We have three kids: A 14yr old boy, an 11yr old girl, and a 5yr old girl.
The 14yr old boy wants to stay up all night gaming, swears in most of his sentences, and thinks we are the strictest parents in the world.
On school nights we take his phone from him at 9:30pm. It is often a massive battle. He thinks he should have devices until at least midnight, or preferably all night long.
Often he will sneak another device into his room by creeping into our bedroom and taking one while we sleep, or hoarding older devices that we were not aware of. I often catch him gaming in the middle of the night but if he hears me coming, he quickly switches off the game and then denies everything.
He refuses to go to bed either way and often keeps family members awake with all his noise. When approached, he will say “sure, I’ll keep it down”, but will be noisy again almost immediately. If I start losing my patience, and threatening him with “no devices tomorrow” or something similar, he will yell at the top of his lungs, call me the C word, punch the walls, tell me to "F off", tell me I'm mentally abusing him, tell me he hates me, etc. I will sometimes visit him five times in the night because his noise is preventing me from sleeping, to try to get him to stop making noise and go to bed.
He has zero interest in school or doing chores. His only chore is to do the dishes once every two days, and he says we should be grateful to him for doing this job for us, which we are but he makes out like it’s a huge deal and that he’s very hard done by.
When he doesn’t get his way he routinely threatens suicide or leaving. He feels he needs to get “revenge” for anything that doesn’t go his way and has a deep need to “win” any confrontation.
We don’t know what to do. We think we have all the devices over night but he often gets hold of another one.
What time are other parents seeing their 14yr old go to sleep? Are other 14yr olds doing more chores? Are we too strict? Any advice?
The next time I catch him with a device he's not supposed to have, I'd take it, and keep it for a week, UNLESS he tries to sneak it back, and then I'd smash it. (I would tell him first that this is the new rule). And then I'd do the same thing with every other device, gaming system, phone, etc.
If he won't respect your need for quiet in the wee hours, take the device away. If he cusses you out, take it away, etc. And don't give these things back until he demonstrates some contrition. He should not be the boss in your own house.
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