Are we too strict? (ADHD, method, teenage, toddlers)
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I told him it’s unacceptable. I said that he won’t get any devices anymore - at all - until they give me a night where the noise is down and we can get a good sleep. To his credit (and his sister) he was far quieter all night and I was not woken once. This is a big step, but I still feel there is a high level of disrespect, with the name-calling.
Parenting style:
One of the problems that has contributed to this situation, is that my wife and I have often been on different pages regarding our parenting styles. I do feel that I should’ve “layed down the law” more decisively over the years, but she is against it and accuses me of being too tough. So I back off and try and find a compromise, but my son is smart and he understands this dynamic. He runs to his mum frequently, usually embellishing stories of what happened. My wife sleeps with ear-plugs, so she has a good sleep every night. Personally I don’t want to sleep with ear plugs in, partly because I want to be alert if there is an intruder or if our 5yr old needs us in the night.
A good example of how it turns out, happened a couple of nights ago. I took devises at 10pm, but the kids stayed up making noise. Prior to going to bed I asked them to please keep it down as there are three of us trying to sleep. I had to get up a couple of times to ask for quiet, and then at 2am, I was up again and by this time I was annoyed. I went into my sons room and shouted at him to stop the noise as I’m tired and haven’t had a good sleep in days. He has a big stand-up fan just beyond his bedroom doorway, and I kicked it in frustration. The next day he told his mother, “Dad came into my room at 2am while I was trying to sleep, he picked up the fan and threw it at me”. This is the kind of thing that happens a lot, he will super-exaggerate things to get his Mum on side, when the truth is he was not “trying to sleep” and I did not “pick up the fan” or throw it. But thankfully lately my wife is getting wise to him and is realising that he’s very crafty with his stories.
I am pretty fed up with all the problems and the cursing. After the success of last night I’m thinking to impose a rule where each time he gives us a bad night he will lose devices, and if he sneaks a device into his room after dark, he will lose them for a week. The idea of switching off wifi at night is also a good one.
Have you talked to your wife about this? If not, why not? Does she not know her son is lying to her, manipulating her, and playing the two of you off of each other?
OP, that situation should have been addressed long ago, so that running to mom wouldn't get the results your son wants. Your wife is teaching him how to be a manipulative, selfish jerk. She rewards him for that. That needs to stop today. If for some reason having a serious, sit-down talk with your wife doesn't result in a team approach to the problem, this should be a key topic in your meeting with a game-addiction counselor or family counselor.
Don't forget to praise him when he does something right. That night when he kept the noise level low was a good time to praise him so that he knows what is expected of him.
Don't forget to praise him when he does something right. That night when he kept the noise level low was a good time to praise him so that he knows what is expected of him.
This is where I may diverge from others.
I never praised expected behavior. It seems gratuitous in my opinion. Praise was only given when praise was due- doing something extraordinary, getting straight A's, helping others.
I know this situation is 'different', but I doubt I would praise a kid in this scenario either.
I never praised expected behavior. It seems gratuitous in my opinion. Praise was only given when praise was due- doing something extraordinary, getting straight A's, helping others.
I know this situation is 'different', but I doubt I would praise a kid in this scenario either.
It does help to catch a child being good. Acknowledgement, but not quite praise.
Wow. Sounds like both the child and the parent need some professional guidance to establish rules, civility, and harmony in the household.
The angry outbursts, profanity, and disregard for anyone else's peace and quiet in the home make me think he might be on some type of dope.
Tough love time:
If it were me, while he is out I would go through his room with a fine-tooth comb and search for hidden devices and any other contraband. Remove them from the room. This is YOUR home DAD and your rules. He has no expectation of privacy as a 14-yr old CHILD (to a large extent) since your job is to protect him and discipline him when needed, which he clearly needs now.
Where's Mom in all this? She and Dad need to be on the same page, unequivocally.
Wow. Sounds like both the child and the parent need some professional guidance to establish rules, civility, and harmony in the household.
The angry outbursts, profanity, and disregard for anyone else's peace and quiet in the home make me think he might be on some type of dope.
Tough love time:
If it were me, while he is out I would go through his room with a fine-tooth comb and search for hidden devices and any other contraband. Remove them from the room. This is YOUR home DAD and your rules. He has no expectation of privacy as a 14-yr old CHILD (to a large extent) since your job is to protect him and discipline him when needed, which he clearly needs now. Where's Mom in all this? She and Dad need to be on the same page, unequivocally.
In one of the earlier posts he indicates that she are he are on pretty much opposite sides, with son pretty much has mom wrapped around his finger.
Can't even believe this is a real post. I mean....seriously?
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