Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I disagree Bu2, I think the guy is wrong. Three years together is long enough to know each other. And he could offer for her to stay with him until she gets a female roommate to live with. Instead he is leaving her with no choice since she has to act now.
Again, the best answer to this would be for him to have her move in to his place until she gets another female that can be a roommate. Or maybe get a two bedroom place and have them sleep separately, if that's what he's worried about.
There are options available. He sounds like he is unwilling to work with any of them other than his own. If I was her I would run. If this is the way he is as a boyfriend, than just imagine how demanding he would be if they ever get married.
He isn't unwilling to work with any of the options, like I said, he has agreed to abide by what the public deems more reasonable. Obviously the girl wins the public opinion thing by a landslide. I just feel that if she moves in with the guy, it's going to cause issues that normally wouldn't be there. Yes, of course he will have to compromise and trust me, if a man lets his gf move in with another man, that's pretty much compromising to me. I doubt this is going to work for them but hopefully they will get through it.
She needs a place to live and her boyfriend of 3 yrs, who appears to have plans for a future together, does not want her to move in with him. He wants to wait a few more years until they establish careers, etc. I guess he's assuming she will still be interested in a few more years. I don't believe John is really serious about her.
She's under the gun and has found a roommate situation and the roommate will be a male friend. This doesn't necessarily mean there will be any romantic entanglements - in fact, if I were in that situation, I'd probably prefer someone I knew. So, given her situation, John is being unreasonable.
I guess time will tell with these two. Kim will probably reconsider the relationship with John given this situation.
The bf is super annoying. He just wants his freedom AND keep gf on a string. He doesn’t dictate her roommate choices, he failed to help her. Just dangling that marriage carrot if she jumps through his hoops, no.
Who’s to say after all that he doesn’t change his mind? Maybe she doesn’t want that plan. He’s just a controlling long shot.
Fwiw, back in the day I lived in a mixed household, was never attracted to any of the male roommates. Being a slob, grungy or bad cleaner really was gross, or if lazy about doing their share- another irritation which means definitely not attracted.
If a woman isn’t into someone, proximity isn’t going to make something happen. Them being male they might try to flirt or take notice, but no. I just hung out in my room. None of them were my kind of person I’m drawn to.
If the gf actually likes this type of guy, who knows. But then, it would only be if she felt he was preferable to the bf and if it happened, oh well.
I'm of the thought that a couple should not move in together because circumstances forced the decision. If circumstances present an opportunity that both were already considering, go for it. But if one or both feel like they are having to cohabitate before they are ready, then they shouldn't do it.
The BF is not ready to live together. But he also doesn't get a say in who her roommate is, especially when her choices are limited.
My point is more of John being or I should say "feeling" disrespected should this happen. I doubt very seriously that she would take kindly to her boyfriend moving another girl in to live in him as her home. I personally think it's opening Pandora's Box, and I'm not a jealous person, nor am I insecure at all, and I am engaged. If we were dating as we have been and he had a girl living with him in his home I know me and I know I would NOT like that at all. I think John is unusually wise for his age, and see nothing wrong with him at all. He just wants his girlfriend to have a female roommate and yes, there will be times when they are caught in awkward positions living in the same home. People will talk, which will bother him (even though it shouldn't it will). I see his side and I see someone that is being mature, level headed, and wants everything to be perfect when they do take that step.
I understand John not wanting to move in together, but I don't see how having an opposite sex roommate is being disrespectful. He is just assuming they will be intimate.
Again, what is she supposed to do? Have him interview and approve any roommate or living arrangement she makes. As someone else said, live in her car? If he can't handle this situation, trusting his girlfriend with a platonic male roommate, the future marriage will never work out.
Who knows how she would feel if the situation were reversed. Did anyone ask her?
I understand John not wanting to move in together, but I don't see how having an opposite sex roommate is being disrespectful. He is just assuming they will be intimate.
Again, what is she supposed to do? Have him interview and approve any roommate or living arrangement she makes. As someone else said, live in her car? If he can't handle this situation, trusting his girlfriend with a platonic male roommate, the future marriage will never work out.
Who knows how she would feel if the situation were reversed. Did anyone ask her?
The way I look at it, John has 3 options.
1. Allow her to move in with him. [best, shows he's serious about her]
2. Pay half of her rent so she doesn't need to find another roommate. [A little weird, but at least shows some initiative and caring]
3. Accept she will have a male roommate. [shows he's not serious about her, but at least he's not being a jerk]
What he chose was to not let her move in with him, and complain about a male roommate. I mean, besides the lack of caring about his girlfriend, John sounds like a brat.
Kim wins the argument (I’m a guy). By accident or on purpose, she is putting him on notice that she wants more of a relationship. The guy has to make a choice….until the ring is on the finger, there is no commitment on either side.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,824,046 times
Reputation: 41403
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bootsamillion
During my commute to work in the mornings, there is a radio talk show that I listen to. Each day they have what they call "Couple's Court". A couple agrees to share a disagreement with the public, and they each have a "say" in what the issue is. The station allows 5-6 listeners to call in and choose a side, so to speak. The couple has already agreed that the one with more "votes" will win the disagreement, and things will go their way.
The other day it was quite interesting. I'm going to give you the stories from each side, and just curious what you think about it and who's side you are on.
.
THE ISSUE:
Kim has been dating John for 3 years. They have been a solid and happy couple, and both of them are 24 years old. Kim has a roomie and John has his own place. Both are in their last year of college and working part time. Kim has a kink come up with her roommate and has to move out.
Kim's Side:
Kim says she asked John if she could just move in with him and he did not think that was a good idea with them both still in school and their ages. That was a little too serious for him at this point. So, Kim puts an add out there and got a bite pretty quick. An old high school friend was also looking for a roommate, and would she like to rent a place together? THE FRIEND IS A GUY. John has a big issue with this and said absolutely not, but Kim has to relocate as soon as possible and there were no other hits for a roommate. She doesn't understand why, since she asked him first and he said "no", why he has a problem with her living with a platonic guy friend.
John's Side:
John loves Kim and he can see a future with her. He sees things getting more serious, but in a more natural way. He wanted them to finish school, secure good jobs, move forward with their careers for a couple of years and then plan to marry. That was the original plan. He also thinks that, with them being just 24 and not even out of school, that moving in could cause issues due to money and other issues. He doesn't think it's a good idea, he wants things to be planned, not rushed in to.
He also has a big problem with her roomie being a guy. He thought she'd find a girl to room with and this is causing a problem with them. He thinks with them living together (Kim and friend), that it is inevitable that they will sometimes run into each other in the hall or walk in on each other in the bathroom or whatever, all of it makes him feel very bad and he will not be OK with that at all.
So, about 5 people called in, saying that "oh hell no, if he said she couldn't move in with him, then she has every right to move wherever she wants and he should not have a problem with it. He's being jealous and insecure." That is what all but one said. So the girl wins, the argument is over and she will move in with the guy.
My thoughts:
John is a level headed young man with goals set for his future, hoping she will be in it. This is not a jealousy issue, it is not an insecurity problem. This is a RESPECT issue. Would she like it if he got a cute little roommate? Hell no, that would not work for me and my fiance'. I'm completely on the guy's side. i think she's being manipulative to a certain degree because he told her she shouldn't move in with him at his place, so she'll show him. I think she may have just cut her own throat. Or as my brother would say "**** in her own mess kit".
John sounds like a great guy with a good head on his shoulders. Hard to find these days. He will eventually end their relationship and I don't blame him. I would never disrespect my fiance' like that and expect him to "deal with it."
Those are my thoughts, what are yours?
I can understand John’s objection to either option for Kim. But Kim has to do something with time not on her side so John should understand that he is sort of forcing her hand into living with the other guy. I had a female roommate long-term back at my last residence in DC and it’s 2024 and people are far more aware that opposite sexes can live together in a purely platonic setting.
John should really rethink of whether there is a future with Kim or not. All his dreams of building with Kim would actually be more obtainable if they were living together and splitting rent. I would not want to live with a partner personally because I’ve already built a life for myself, but at their phase of life it makes sense.
But but but.....what if she gets a new female roommate and the roommate makes her turn into a lesbian!!!!!
@@
Seriously, she needs to do what is financially best for herself at this point. This is someone she knows, which in my opinion would be a better option than an unknown 'hope we can get along roommate.'
Setting roommates aside, if I were the parent of either of these students I would want them to be dating other people rather than meeting at 21 and saying this is the one. The young man is obviously not ready to commit and is doing what is best for himself. She needs to do what is best for herself, too. The roommate will probably just be a roommate, but she should be looking at other options than the current bf when it comes to dating.
1. Allow her to move in with him. [best, shows he's serious about her]
2. Pay half of her rent so she doesn't need to find another roommate. [A little weird, but at least shows some initiative and caring]
3. Accept she will have a male roommate. [shows he's not serious about her, but at least he's not being a jerk]
What he chose was to not let her move in with him, and complain about a male roommate. I mean, besides the lack of caring about his girlfriend, John sounds like a brat.
I agree.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
