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So here's the story, slightly long winded but it's completely playing on my mind.
I had unprotected sex with a gorgeous friend of mine that I work with on December 4. This came after months of heavy flirting. She said she was on the pill. And she also has a boyfriend. (Yes I know I'm a dog and silly for being unprotected so you can keep those comments to a minimum)
In early January she told me she was about 10-11 weeks pregnant according to her HCG levels or whatever. So I am thinking oh yep, that's sad, cause that's the end of any chances of us. And that clearly and unknown to her she was pregnant when we had sex.
A week and a half later she had a scan, everything was looking good and was told she is actually earlier, with the size and all. About 8 weeks pregnant. She said to me yes it's a bit closer, but not mine.
This got my attention because I know 8 weeks is from the last period, and the 6 week ovulation mark was when we had sex. I alluded to the fact I wasn't fully convinced but left it at that as she **** me down.
A few days later she told me she was given an estimated due date of August 30. I put this into just about every conception date calculator I could find on the internet and it pretty much puts a bullseye on the time we had sex as the very likely conception date. Or as usual a few days either side.
This has really got me, because to me it is starting to look pretty obvious there is a very good chance it is mine.
When I have brought up the dates and just how close things are, even just to consider the possibility she gets angry with me and tells me to stop thinking it is. The thing is I'm not, I'm just wanting for her to see what I'm getting at and to see it's a possibility.
Because of the current situation we are now limiting contact between ourselves, and also so she can (quite rightly so) focus on the new life ahead.
It just upsets me that she won't consider or listen to any of what I'm saying needs to be considered.
I want her as a friend, so I don't want to really get her angry with me, it hurts a bit that I have to fade a bit to the background as it is.
She just seems so confident with whatever dates she says she is using that it can't be mine and just doesn't want to even discuss the possibility.
If we knew for sure I would be at ease either way.
Am I missing something here? Maybe she is petrified of bring this possibility up with her BF should it turn out mine?
My guess is that she would much rather have a baby with her long time BF than with someone who she had one night of unprotected sex.
At some point in the near future you will need to discuss this matter. It is probably too early to have a safe, paternity test. But, tell her that you would like one as soon as it is possible.
If you are the dad be prepared to step with up financial support, both now, as well as until the child turns 18 (or graduates from college- depending on your state laws).
I agree with germaine, and believe your friend's behavior is because of this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdan5
Maybe she is petrified of bring this possibility up with her BF should it turn out mine?
You two now are in the most awkward of situations. It's up to you how far you want to go with this, but if you think it's on your mind now, just wait till the years go by and you will be surprised at how often you "wonder" about this child that very well may be yours.
You may even end up like the friends of ours whose child looks and is built EXACTLY like one of their male best friends. Things FINALLY came out when the boy was in high school and the couple divorced. But that was decades wasted for that dad.
Good luck, and PLEASE carry condoms with you at all times from now on. And use them!!!
You can use all the calculators in the world, but the fact is that you know nothing about her cycles. These can vary enormously from woman to woman. There is the "calculator" determination and the real world. If she was on the pill and forgot to take it a few times, enough to become pregnant, that would also throw things off.
Sure, be concerned, interested, etc. but don't leap to these assumptions based on a pregnancy calculator.
You can use all the calculators in the world, but the fact is that you know nothing about her cycles. These can vary enormously from woman to woman. There is the "calculator" determination and the real world. If she was on the pill and forgot to take it a few times, enough to become pregnant, that would also throw things off.
Sure, be concerned, interested, etc. but don't leap to these assumptions based on a pregnancy calculator.
Yeah you are right about discrepancies and the such. I know that too. I just feel at this stage the numbers don't add up and it just shows enough possibility that it should be looked into. It makes me wonder what math so far she is using to be sure to discount me
Yeah we are friends (still) as well as have several mutual friends so seeing pictures and stuff, as well as no doubt eventually meeting the child won't be avoided at all
My guess is that she would much rather have a baby with her long time BF than with someone who she had one night of unprotected sex.
Yes, completely agree with this! She may be in denial about the idea that it could be yours. Assuming she's been having regular sex with her boyfriend as well, it's very possible it's his. Good luck, this isn't an ideal situation in any world I can imagine.
Yes, completely agree with this! She may be in denial about the idea that it could be yours. Assuming she's been having regular sex with her boyfriend as well, it's very possible it's his. Good luck, this isn't an ideal situation in any world I can imagine.
True. I do know things were a little average between her an her bf, and she told me around the time that they hadn't had sex in a while. But then that's only me taking her word for that. Who knows but her. Possibly his, just as possible to be mine. Not an ideal situation
I'm curious as to why she keeps telling you she is less further along than originally thought. If it was me and I was in her situation and wanted the BF to believe it was his and not the casual sexual encounter I had with a friend I wouldn't be saying anything.
I feel sorry for the baby. He/she will be brought into a world where the mother has no clue as to who the father is and the relationship with the BF is already not so good. In the end the baby pays the price for all this nonsense.
Stay friendly with her and don't pressure her about anything at this point. After the baby is born, you can ask her to have a paternity test done and her boyfriend does not have to know about it. If she doesn't want to do that, you can always bring a lawsuit to compel a paternity test.
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and the couple divorced. But that was decades wasted for that dad.
