Quote:
Originally Posted by Caglee
My wife and I have been talking on and off for the past two years about trying to have a child. One of our major issues is that she is legitimately terrified of going through a pregnancy. Specifically, she's afraid of the pain of labor and carrying the child. I think this stems from the fact that she is terrified of pain in general, is unable to take injections or shots for example without significant preparation. She was required to a shot for her job awhile back and the trauma of that injection lasted for an entire day, full-blown crying non-stop.
We haven't tried to conceive yet, but we are getting older approaching our 40's and I'm starting to get worried. Just recently when talks had been going well and I thought everything was looking up, she had a complete "breakdown" and cried all day saying she can't do it. Obviously, I would never force her to get pregnant, but I'd be lying if I said not being able to be a father brings me such pain and sadness that I'm not sure how to deal with it. Adoption is a possibility but I've looked into it briefly and it does not seem like a very successful route for many people. There are no children in my extended family, and I was kind of the "last hope" to have children and now that future is slipping away from me. My wife's doctor has also been warning her that she needs to have children ASAP due to her age, so there is a lot of pressure from family and other sources which doesn't help.
I guess I'm looking for advice or encouragement from anyone who had a fear of pregnancy and overcame it, or powered through it, and how you managed to do it. Thank you.
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I see you're still coming to CD, how has it been going? Have you guys figured out if she will try to carry a child or if she doesn't want to?
You mention adoption, that's not a reality these days. There are not many babies given up to adoption these days. Companies will gladly take your money but they won't promise to deliver a child to you.
If you really want a child that she agrees to raise, a surrogate may be your best option. Your wife may not have many eggs left to retrieve if she would even agree to go on hormones to stimulate her ovaries to harvest those eggs. You may have to discuss finding an egg donor in addition to the surrogate.
My sister in law didn't have any kids because of the same pregnancy and birth fears. It happens with some people. You really need to sit down and decide how you're going to have a child or if you're going to be a parent while married to your wife because I honestly don't see her participating in having a child genetically related to her due to all of her fears, so you'll have to figure out the next option and if they fail too because she really doesn't want kids, you're going to need to make a big decision about your own future, whether you'd be willing to give up your wish to have a biological child.
You may or may not find someone else. My son is 36, he would love a child too. He finally found who ,may be "miss right" but it's a little too early to know for sure. You may be trading your wife for a life with someone else without ever having a child unless you try finding a younger woman, or a younger woman from another country. You have to "fish" in the right ponds to be successful.
I'm so sorry that your dream of having a child with your wife may not happen. Too bad it took so long to get to this point.
She may need professional help. Something is bothering her, maybe the vaccine or maybe it was really about how she doesn't like pain, trying to really show you that even a simple vaccine will cause her a lot of distress, but it really could have been about pregnancy and birth all along since you say you'd been discussing it the last few years.
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