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I don't see how an only child would be so starved for affection compared to children who have to compete for attention from parents. I was a middle child and my mother favored my younger sister and my older sister got more attention due to her being the only child for many years before I came along and after that, she got a lot of attention due to her acting out as a teenager. I was left to fend for myself. I know one woman who's an only child and she's very self absorbed, everything is always about her. She admits she was spoiled as a child and got everything she wanted. However, we can't say everyone is one way, there are many exceptions.
My SIL was not only an only child, but an Army brat who moved all over the world while growing up without extended family or even, really, friends. As a result, I believe, her whole world became her and her parents, and she never learned to "share." When she married my brother and we tried to welcome her to the family, she wasn't really interested, LOL. She never seemed to understand that he was close to his family, too, and seemed almost jealous of and threatened by our relationship with him. When kids came along, only her parents were allowed to babysit, etc., and they were for all practical purposes the only grandparents the kids really knew; I hardly got to know them, either.
Yes, it's my brother's fault, too, but he's prone to depression and can't tolerate conflict.
I believe they are "different," and I am not a fan, although I do know some only children who envy those with siblings and embrace the in-laws when they marry as the brothers and sisters they never had, so perhaps it was just her warped personality. Maybe if they grow up with cousins/friends and exposure to multi-kid families, that makes a difference.
I think this is an interesting discussion. As many have pointed out, the answer is, “it all depends. . . “. There is no definitive only child.
My mother was an only. She told me she had often wished she had a sibling, but I suspect that she was so unhappy that she imagined having a sibling would give her happiness. As I have gotten older, and reflected more about things she told me, I have decided that she was badly parented, especially after her mother died when she was nine. She was parented by a father who did not know how to parent very well, and an immature and jealous stepmother, who tried to parent, but was as equally bad at the job as her father. Later, my mother had decades of being unhappy, and, in retrospect did not hit her stride until she became a grandmother.
If she had had a full sibling during her younger years, she might have benefitted, if the two could have become allies. But if the sibling would have been a half sibling, I imagine her life might have been worse.
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One of my kids befriended two different only kids during teenaged years, and expressed the intention if NOT having a one child home, ever, because of the experience.
Obviously, every situation is unique. Some parents are better at parenting than others.
IShe was parented by a father who did not know how to parent very well, and an immature and jealous stepmother, who tried to parent, but was as equally bad at the job as her father. Later, my mother had decades of being unhappy, and, in retrospect did not hit her stride until she became a grandmother.
This is such a sadly common pattern, and I'm glad you were able to have some compassion and understanding for your mother over time.
My wife's father had no clue ... when her mother died, her father hired governesses but even those were chosen for their ability to cook and clean, not really to manage, much less nurture, children. Meanwhile he was busy with is career and hobbies. When home, usually he did not want to deal with his children. He believed they were to be seen and not heard -- or maybe even neither one; they were confined to their rooms when there were visitors to the house. One time my wife was told by an aunt that she was lucky her father kept her and her siblings, as if he did them some sort of magnanimous favor providing for their material needs, if not their emotional needs -- even at that, the youngest sister was sent away to boarding school.
Then her father married a woman with zero maternal instincts ... then divorced and married a women similar to your mother's stepmother -- jealous, controlling, and cared only about her own children and did as little as possible for the children he fathered. She even pilfered the personal effects of his biological children that were in storage, for her own kids.
Coming as I did from an intact and loving family of origin, I had NO idea how nuts things can be when a parent dies or divorce happens and new people come into the picture.
It takes a lot of time and working on yourself to overcome stuff like this. Many never do.
As someone who had friends who were only children and having friends who raised only children, I would say 'mostly.'
Obviously you can't slap a blanket set of assumptions on an only child. But there are fundamental differences in many of them. It's easier to describe these in comparison to families with multiple children.
I think the biggest factor? Not all, but many only children are used to being catered to. As in the world revolves around them. This comes from a lifetime of parents dancing around them 24/7 banging tambourines. When I was growing up, for example, friends who were only children tended to not understand why our group didn't always want to do what they wanted, when they wanted. This also likely explains why many only children have a hard time making friends. They simply have not had to share the limelight with anyone, and certainly haven't had to deal with the tug-of-war of priorities that happens in multi-child families.
That's not true. Plenty of only children are not catered to and do not think the world revolves around them, don't mind sharing the limelight and do not care about being doing what they want. And plenty of people with siblings are catered to, thinks the world revolves around them, and don't like sharing the limelight and always want people to do what they want, when they want and have a hard time making friends. Please, stop stereotyping minority groups. That is bigotry.
Kids in multiple-child families also have greater self-sufficiency. I know this because two different couples in our inner circle of friends have only children. The mothers in those couples literally do everything for their daughters. I mean, both daughters are medical professionals and still need their mothers' help buying underwear. No lie. I listened to these two women discuss the ordeal of buying underwear for their respective daughters.
So what about the many people who have siblings who can be described this way? Please, stop with the prejudice and stereotype of a minority group.
My SIL was not only an only child, but an Army brat who moved all over the world while growing up without extended family or even, really, friends. As a result, I believe, her whole world became her and her parents, and she never learned to "share." When she married my brother and we tried to welcome her to the family, she wasn't really interested, LOL. She never seemed to understand that he was close to his family, too, and seemed almost jealous of and threatened by our relationship with him. When kids came along, only her parents were allowed to babysit, etc., and they were for all practical purposes the only grandparents the kids really knew; I hardly got to know them, either.
Yes, it's my brother's fault, too, but he's prone to depression and can't tolerate conflict.
I believe they are "different," and I am not a fan, although I do know some only children who envy those with siblings and embrace the in-laws when they marry as the brothers and sisters they never had, so perhaps it was just her warped personality. Maybe if they grow up with cousins/friends and exposure to multi-kid families, that makes a difference.
This sounds like prejudice and jealousy against your SIL.
The only child is automatically stigmatized. When asked to describe personality characteristics of an only child, many people will respond negatively, indicating the presupposition that only children are spoiled brats. In China, couples are encouraged to have only one child in order to help curb population growth. These children, or "little emperors," as they have been called, are generally seen as spoiled monsters. However, research conducted by Falbo (Brophy, 1989), a psychologist known for work in the area of birth order, indicates otherwise. Falbo found that Chinese only children fared no worse in personality or achievement than their counterparts with siblings. However, only children are also often seen as high-achieving, motivated, and successful (Brophy, 1989, p.56)."
High achieving, motivated, and successful. Sounds like being an only is a good thing. And you don't have to share the inheritance.
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