Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was an only child. My parents split up when I was 5. When I was growing up I lived with a stepmother and two step fathers at different times. I probably got more attention and affection from my divorced parents than a lot of kids with brothers and sisters and two parents at home.
I never was lonely or bored. From a young age I always felt self sufficient. I never felt needy in any way. I always thought of ways to amuse myself when alone and still do. I never had problems making friends or accomplishing things I wanted to at school or work or in my personal life. If anything I have had more variety and experiences than most. My uncles and aunts and cousins were always very nice and affectionate to me.
When I was 11 and 12 years old I travelled between NYC and Detroit by train by myself a number of times. The porter was given a $5 tip to watch out for me. It was an 11 hour trip. I had a 35mm Kodak camera and took slides from the train window of cows, scenery and sunsets. I wore a suit and tie and shined shoes and ordered my own meals in the dining car. Then I hung out with the old men in the club car, drinking ginger ales. I always felt comfortable with adults and children.
None of my friends or acquaintances have been only children. I do think it's a different experience. Not necessarily better or worse than having siblings. Most children are more influenced by their classmates and friends than by their siblings. Just like having divorced parents isn't necessarily better or worse than having two parents at home. It depends more on the relationship the child has with their parents, rather than whether the parents are living together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
I know they still have friends.etc (most of them), as kids, but I think it's still very different to brothers and sisters you actually live with, and often grow up with from your earliest years. There's something about interaction during the formative years with siblings which. I think I would be lonely as a single/only child, as nice as my parents were. They're sometimes also stereotyped as 'spoiled' and hungry for affection, not as maybe to make up for this loneliness? They're also sometimes seen as a bit selfish as they're not used to having to share. Much has said been said about the 'Little Emperors' growing up in China.
Of course I know many single children who are well-adjusted and everything, but I also know a few who had problems in school.etc. Of course that may be coincidental.
Do you think that people who are only children grow up somewhat different? Is it similar to those who grew up in single parent homes or without parents at all? Do they seem say, more emotionally needy, more used to being the centre of attention?
As someone who had friends who were only children and having friends who raised only children, I would say 'mostly.'
Obviously you can't slap a blanket set of assumptions on an only child. But there are fundamental differences in many of them. It's easier to describe these in comparison to families with multiple children.
I think the biggest factor? Not all, but many only children are used to being catered to. As in the world revolves around them. This comes from a lifetime of parents dancing around them 24/7 banging tambourines. When I was growing up, for example, friends who were only children tended to not understand why our group didn't always want to do what they wanted, when they wanted. This also likely explains why many only children have a hard time making friends. They simply have not had to share the limelight with anyone, and certainly haven't had to deal with the tug-of-war of priorities that happens in multi-child families.
Kids in multiple-child families also have greater self-sufficiency. I know this because two different couples in our inner circle of friends have only children. The mothers in those couples literally do everything for their daughters. I mean, both daughters are medical professionals and still need their mothers' help buying underwear. No lie. I listened to these two women discuss the ordeal of buying underwear for their respective daughters.
That made me laugh. My daughter is an only and I don't think I bought her underwear or even took her shopping for clothes since she was 13. Her prom dresses, maybe.
She filled out her college applications out by herself. Only later did I realize that some other parents had helped their kids with that. I had no clue, since I didn't go to college myself except for an attempt at night school when I was working. I reviewed her essays at her request, and I did write the checks for application fees!
My daughter may have been saved from being coddled by the fact that her father and I both came from large families and were middle children besides.
She is very self-sufficient and always has been. Decided she wanted to spend her birthday money on having her hair cornrowed at 9 and called three salons to get prices on her own. Had a job mucking out stables and taking care of horses at 12 to contribute toward riding lessons. Bought her own laptop with her Dunkin Donuts paycheck at 16. Flew alone to China to attend a semester in at Sichuan University in Chengdu in her Jr. year. Except for a few months before returning to China to live for a year when she was 24, she has not lived home since she left for college at 18.
She does have some features of being an only child that are noticeable to me, who was the 4th of 7. She is a bit intolerant of others' weaknesses sometimes, for example, and gets impatient at times when behaviors don't meet her standards. She has a lot of friends, though, and all over the world.
I guess you could call me somewhat of a connoisseur of only children as I am the eldest child of only children and married to an only child, who is also the child of only children. They are very different people, but none of them strike me as emotionally needy or attention-seeking. I don't think I could pick them out of a crowd as only children based on their personalities.
The only one thing I personally think about all of the only children is at least in my experience, they tend to have very good imaginations and also tend to talk to themselves as adults, but hey, what else can you expect from adults raised before video games….ever try playing monopoly with yourself? Lol!!
Do you think that people who are only children grow up somewhat different?
Yes--they don't have to take turns, they don't have to compromise to what they want.
Long ago I was a chaperone for my son's 4th grade class, we were at a Museum. We would stop and look at something and one kid would always quickly look and move on to the next thing without waiting for us. I said, "Hey Zachary, do you have any brothers or sisters?". He said, "no".
No fault of their own, it is just the natural state they live in.
I will add that everyone has their "syndrome". Only child syndrome, oldest child syndrome, middle child syndrome, youngest child syndrome. We all have our issues to where we fall in the family.
Yes--they don't have to take turns, they don't have to compromise to what they want.
Long ago I was a chaperone for my son's 4th grade class, we were at a Museum. We would stop and look at something and one kid would always quickly look and move on to the next thing without waiting for us. I said, "Hey Zachary, do you have any brothers or sisters?". He said, "no".
No fault of their own, it is just the natural state they live in.
I will add that everyone has their "syndrome". Only child syndrome, oldest child syndrome, middle child syndrome, youngest child syndrome. We all have our issues to where we fall in the family.
Hahaha, yes, I have the middle child syndrome. Fourth of seven. My two oldest sisters were in high school and then college when the last two were born. (19 years between the older and youngest kids.) My brother was in Jr. High getting into trouble. My two little brothers needed attention because they were babies, and so my younger sister and I just kind of drifted through without drawing much attention. Some of it was negative, like our parents always forgetting to pick us up from activities and not ever attending our softball games or whatever. As my sister says, "we raised ourselves". On the other hand, the two of us did better career-wise and are more independent than the others, and because we could work with all ends, older and younger, we both get along with a wider range of people and have more of a network than the others.
But out of the seven us, the five oldest each had ONE kid. The two youngest, none.
Personality by birth order is a fascinating subject to study.
I'm a singleton. Maybe the best characteristic that came out of that (or not) is that I can entertain myself alone anywhere, anytime. I seldom experience boredom for more than a few minutes.
One of the most difficult things about growing up without older brothers or sisters was never being quite sure about norms or trends for people my age. But maybe that's a problem for most teens and without siblings to reassure me that being who I was was okay it just felt more difficult.
Another thing that strikes me about my childhood years was an awareness that I lived with two other people who had a close relationship of which I wasn't a part. I've never explored that aspect of being an only child very deeply and have no doubt that aspects of developing alone in that situation have an effect on me still.
I absolutely detested being painted with the broad brush of stereotype - privileged, self-centered, lucky.
Being a singleton can require some creativity in behavior and response. No one to scold but you. No one to expect success from but you. You are everything. The good kid, the bad kid, the lost child and the joker - all the roles that keep the family mobile balanced. It can be confusing at times.
Personality by birth order is a fascinating subject to study.
I'm a singleton. Maybe the best characteristic that came out of that (or not) is that I can entertain myself alone anywhere, anytime. I seldom experience boredom for more than a few minutes.
One of the most difficult things about growing up without older brothers or sisters was never being quite sure about norms or trends for people my age. But maybe that's a problem for most teens and without siblings to reassure me that being who I was was okay it just felt more difficult.
Another thing that strikes me about my childhood years was an awareness that I lived with two other people who had a close relationship of which I wasn't a part. I've never explored that aspect of being an only child very deeply and have no doubt that aspects of developing alone in that situation have an effect on me still.
I absolutely detested being painted with the broad brush of stereotype - privileged, self-centered, lucky.
Being a singleton can require some creativity in behavior and response. No one to scold but you. No one to expect success from but you. You are everything. The good kid, the bad kid, the lost child and the joker - all the roles that keep the family mobile balanced. It can be confusing at times.
My only kid is not self-centered, either. She wasn't privileged, either, because she had a working mom who lived pay heck to paycheck to make sure she lived in a good town and had what she needed, but she knew there were people who had less.
My goal was primarily to raise her to be a person of good character, and I believe I was successful in that.
I know they still have friends.etc (most of them), as kids, but I think it's still very different to brothers and sisters you actually live with, and often grow up with from your earliest years. There's something about interaction during the formative years with siblings which. I think I would be lonely as a single/only child, as nice as my parents were. They're sometimes also stereotyped as 'spoiled' and hungry for affection, not as maybe to make up for this loneliness? They're also sometimes seen as a bit selfish as they're not used to having to share. Much has said been said about the 'Little Emperors' growing up in China.
Of course I know many single children who are well-adjusted and everything, but I also know a few who had problems in school.etc. Of course that may be coincidental.
Do you think that people who are only children grow up somewhat different? Is it similar to those who grew up in single parent homes or without parents at all? Do they seem say, more emotionally needy, more used to being the centre of attention?
Please, don't stereotype people. They are people with siblings who have problems in school etc. There are plenty of people with siblings who are emotionally needy and more used to being the centre of attention.
The main thing I see is that when you are growing up with siblings you have to learn to share, compromise, take care, be responsible etc, that you may or may not learn as a single child. I have a single child friend who's mom made him a separate dinner because he doesn't eat, this, that or the other...my Mom would never do that. Eat it or starve...she wasn't making 3 separate meals.
There are people with siblings who do not share, compromise, take care or be responsible. And there are plenty of single children who share, compromise, take care or be responsible.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
