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I know they still have friends.etc (most of them), as kids, but I think it's still very different to brothers and sisters you actually live with, and often grow up with from your earliest years. There's something about interaction during the formative years with siblings which. I think I would be lonely as a single/only child, as nice as my parents were. They're sometimes also stereotyped as 'spoiled' and hungry for affection, not as maybe to make up for this loneliness? They're also sometimes seen as a bit selfish as they're not used to having to share. Much has said been said about the 'Little Emperors' growing up in China.
Of course I know many single children who are well-adjusted and everything, but I also know a few who had problems in school.etc. Of course that may be coincidental.
Do you think that people who are only children grow up somewhat different? Is it similar to those who grew up in single parent homes or without parents at all? Do they seem say, more emotionally needy, more used to being the centre of attention?
Do you think that people who are only children grow up somewhat different?
In general, yes. They tend to be a bit more self sufficient and confident in what they want.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
Is it similar to those who grew up in single parent homes or without parents at all?
I don't think so. I grew up with a widowed father and the problem is that you're either a latch key kid or grow up under the guidance (for lack of a better work I can't spell and don't want to look bad) of strangers and not having mom or dad at home creates a natural insecurity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
Do they seem say, more emotionally needy, more used to being the centre of attention?
That's hard to say as we're now talking about different upbringings (only child v. single or no parents). So let me say this- I will say 'no' with respect to being an only child, and 'yes' when either in a single parent or no parent home.
But again, this is all in general terms. I'm sure there are a lot of exceptions.
As for me, although there 5 kids (I am by far the youngest), I grew up along with an alchoholic father as mom died when I was 5. The side effects to that are 2- deep insecurity until late 20's and a lack of learning discipline that comes froma 2 parent home. I've seen those same qualities in others similar to me.
This is interesting, because my mom's Cousin Mimi is an only child. Like my mother, she shows many of the signs/symptoms of Narcissitic Personality Disorder. People attribute her behavior to her being an only child. But then how do you explain my mother's behavior? She also shows many of the signs/symptoms of NPD, along with some of Borderline Personality Disorder. As well as my mother's sister who shows many of the signs/symptoms of BPD? They all had trauma in their lives early on due to their parents drinking, domestic violence and in at least one case, likely mental illness (bipolar). Btw, I'm not just basing the NPD/BPD observations solely on my opinion. I've asked 2 therapists about it as well. They were clear they couldn't diagnose anyone without an evaluation, but that it was likely those disorders and to read up on them if I felt it was helpful.
IMO, the stability and peacefulness of the home probably have more to do with how the parents behave and act towards any children than the number of children in the home.
My mom & Cousin Mimi are a classic example of that. They both behave in a similar manner, which leads me to believe Cousin Mimi's behavior has nothing to do with being an only child.
And siblings can be, quite frankly, overrated. In a dysfunctional family, a toxic parent will play them against each other or designate one a goldenchild and one a scapegoat.
I think it's more about the function/health of a family. Well adjusted, caring parents of only children will make sure their children get the opportunity to socialize with other kids in the neighborhood, school and the extended family. Well adjusted, caring parents of 2 or more children will work to foster bonding between siblings and help them sort out conflict in a healthy way.
Dysfunctional parents will cause problems whether it's an only child or 2 or more. Though I do think only children in that context are at a disadvantage because if the parents try to deny saying/doing things later on, there are no other witnesses. As strained as our relationship has been, my brother and I were able to confirm and validate each other when one or both parents tried to deny something ever happened.
Yes. They have their advantages and disadvantages. I realize these are broad generalizations, but....
On the plus side, the only children I have noticed tend to be more confident and seem to carry the mantle of authority better.
On the minus side, they tend to deal less well with ambiguity and tend to have more of a self-centered attitude, making it harder for them to deal with other people with different desires. This is chiefly because they were the center of the family's life growing up.
It depends entirely on the total picture of how they are raised.
For instance, my dad is an only child - but he was raised in a very large extended family with lots of cousins around all the time. Plus he was raised by a single mother who had to work (which is one reason he was around so many cousins - child care from other family members). So he doesn't have a lot of the stereotypical traits people associate with only children.
I've been close to a few only children...they didn't all fit one mold.
I wouldn't at all say that being an only makes you more emotionally needy.
If you are an only there is no need to compete with your siblings for your parent's attention and resources.
As another poster mentioned, the role of extended family can play a big part in shaping the experience. At least two of the onlies I know had very close relationships with cousins.
The main thing I see is that when you are growing up with siblings you have to learn to share, compromise, take care, be responsible etc, that you may or may not learn as a single child. I have a single child friend who's mom made him a separate dinner because he doesn't eat, this, that or the other...my Mom would never do that. Eat it or starve...she wasn't making 3 separate meals.
I can't tell who's an only child and who isn't from anyone's behavior or personality. I've met people with siblings who are selfish, seem emotionally needy, and need attention - behavior that some people expect from an only child. I've met only children who are generous, selfless, relate well to others and have healthy interactions with others.
I have known some only children and have gotten along with them fairly well. For one, they seem to be smarter than average. The other thing is that, since they don't have siblings, they seem to be open to making friends.
If they have other "issues" from being only children, I've never been aware of them.
An only child might have two doting parents or two non-involved parents, may grow up with one parent, may grow up with a grandparent and a parent, may grow up with lots of cousins around.
A 4 children home might have 4 children born all born within 5 years, or might have a 6 year gap between children and not too much interaction between children.
Some kids with many siblings may do less sharing or have more things than the only child. I do think having siblings generally makes a difference. I think only children who grow up without sibling rivalry and teasing can end up kind of gullible and naive. There's something about being 1 year old and having a 3 year old tell you there's a dinosaur in the front yard and for a while you fall for it every time but then begin to doubt that can help form you. Or having an older sibling trade coins with you and gets you on your own greed by having you trade your dimes for his/her nickles.
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