Why do so many people dismiss the struggles of unattractive women? (syndrome, problems)
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OP I have been and am still in your shoes. Sort of.
I thought I was ugly, but I recently found I have RBF badly. I was not ugly, and I still am not ugly, but RBF sure had me thinking I am. People avoid me. I am not willing to smile for some randoms that do not impact my life. SO here we are.
I do think it is unfair for people to judge me without knowing me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
Well, when you project "Leave me alone" that's what you're going to get.
jerseygal it seems to me that you're judging people the same way you think they are judging you. Why would you be unwilling to smile "for some randoms that do not impact your life"? I smile at strangers all the time. Wherever I go. If their body language says "leave me alone" I leave them alone. I figure they are having a bad day. When I'm having a bad day I don't smile or reach out, but that's rare when out in public. I can sulk or cry in my beer (figuratively) at home, but often smiling and chatting briefly makes me feel better. If I don't feel like doing it, I don't.
As for the OP, I will say that when I worked briefly in retail I saw tons and tons of very unattractive people together. Some had children, some did not. Some of the couples I couldn't believe that they had ever found someone, they looked pretty bad (very overweight, very badly dressed, and other issues). They still found someone to love them.
I have an illness that is repulsive to others, especially in an intimate relationship, or living in the same house. That's why I'm not in a relationship. My ex husband even speculated that I had AIDS. No. I was born like this. I've struggled terribly all my life. I have COPD caused by extreme food sensitivity and overproduction of mucus. No one wants to hear that. I've been called repulsive, I've been told "get help" (like I haven't?) Yes, it's heartbreaking, but it's incurable and it isn't going to change. In fact, it is degenerative. Acceptance is the only choice. Or perhaps finding someone with the same illness but it's a little late for that. By the way, I was very attractive in my day, but when men came up against my health issue, they ran away. It's not just ugly people who have trouble finding someone to love them.
Not true. They're likely not as ugly as me. Few are. Yes I have known very fat women who also had boyfriends etc. But they were always just slightly pretty or average in the face. Me on the other hand - I'm not just unattractive, I'm hideous.
Go to the YouTube channel TRULY There are people in every conceivable physical condition who have learned to gain a positive perspective about their condition. This channel can be "truly" (pun intended) inspiring.
Here's an example video:
I Have No Jaw - But Still Found True Love | LOVE DON'T JUDGE
Location: Formerly Pleasanton Ca, now in Marietta Ga
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I think they did a study on tinder or one of those sites. They put an unattractive overweight woman and a guy who was considered a chad, 6 ft, 6 pack, good looking guy.
The guy got 90 likes and the woman over 300.
In theory people should be within their looks rating five or take. Based on the numbers the guys were way less picky and the women very picky. So maybe the plight of some unattractive women is the won’t settle for men in their range but feel they deserve better.
I’m not going to say unattractive women don’t have it bad, but I’ve seen some that could improve their looks if they made the effort. Men are very looks oriented.
Men can overcome physical looks and raise their desirability with high incomes, status, etc. women on the average can’t.
Location: Formerly Pleasanton Ca, now in Marietta Ga
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
OP I have been and am still in your shoes. Sort of.
I thought I was ugly,but I recently found I have RBF badly. I was not ugly,and I still am not ugly,but RBF sure had me thinking I am. People avoid me. I am not willing to smile for some randoms that do not impact my life. SO here we are.
I do think it is unfair for people to judge me without knowing me.
Well you kind of got what you deserve. You feel people shouldn’t judge you without knowing you, yet you dismiss others as randoms who won’t impact your life. How would you know? You’ve prejudged them just as you don’t want it done to you.
I’ve met randos as you call them and some have had huge impacts on my life.
I think they did a study on tinder or one of those sites. They put an unattractive overweight woman and a guy who was considered a chad, 6 ft, 6 pack, good looking guy.
The guy got 90 likes and the woman over 300.
In theory people should be within their looks rating five or take. Based on the numbers the guys were way less picky and the women very picky. So maybe the plight of some unattractive women is the won’t settle for men in their range but feel they deserve better.
I’m not going to say unattractive women don’t have it bad, but I’ve seen some that could improve their looks if they made the effort. Men are very looks oriented.
Men can overcome physical looks and raise their desirability with high incomes, status, etc. women on the average can’t.
Well, tinder is mostly a hookup site... And I've learned over the years that many men will screw just about anything breathing...
Not true. They're likely not as ugly as me. Few are. Yes I have known very fat women who also had boyfriends etc. But they were always just slightly pretty or average in the face. Me on the other hand - I'm not just unattractive, I'm hideous.
I think you're kind of mean to yourself.
If you go outside and meet a person that is on your perceived level of hotness (or ugliness - call it however you want it), would you call them hideous? Do you think that, that is a good way of treating people?
I would except not, so maybe let's try and start by being a bit less judgemental with ourselves.
Have a beautiful day
People get wrapped up in their own life struggles and lose empathy over time.
Such is the tragedy of life these days......
Correct, everyone has their own struggle. Short people have a struggle, ugly people have a struggle, fat people have a struggle, poor people have a struggle, minority religions, cultures, and races may have a struggle. Immigrnats may have a struggle.
Unless you've won the genetic lottery and trust fund baby lotttery, you have a struggle.
There is some truth to your comment. There's some benefit to believing things that may or may not be true but believing them shapes our world view toward a safer, kinder existence. So sure, we have one life to live and we're wise to carry only those burdens we must. I'm not certain the OP is adding to her burden so much as looking for a way to lessen it a bit, though. What you see as self pity, I choose to see as a request for sympathy. That's a choice I made, just like you chose to see it differently, more darkly. She asked for sympathy, and it seems that you took time out of your precious Friday to say "NO", not gonna help you there.
Your comment illustrates the point I made. The OP opened a door slightly and asked to be heard on a sensitive topic and you shut that door without hearing a word she said.
I heard every word she said, and I stand my ground. What are we supposed to do? Say " I'm sorry you're ugly?" No. That's enabling her to continue to see herself that way. She needs to learn to be happy with herself and not ask for or except empathy for her looks. I'm quite sure she doesn't look as bad as she perceives herself to be and it would be my wish that she would go to therapy and increase her self esteem and learn to love herself for the good person she is, which has very little to do with looks.
Location: Formerly Pleasanton Ca, now in Marietta Ga
10,360 posts, read 8,601,660 times
Reputation: 16711
Quote:
Originally Posted by kgordeeva
Well, tinder is mostly a hookup site... And I've learned over the years that many men will screw just about anything breathing...
True . That’s why when someone says the plight of an ugly woman versus an ugly man may not be as bad as they think. It depends what the woman wants. If it’s sex it’s easier for them. Long term relationship a different story.
Location: Formerly Pleasanton Ca, now in Marietta Ga
10,360 posts, read 8,601,660 times
Reputation: 16711
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocko20
Correct, everyone has their own struggle. Short people have a struggle, ugly people have a struggle, fat people have a struggle, poor people have a struggle, minority religions, cultures, and races may have a struggle. Immigrnats may have a struggle.
Unless you've won the genetic lottery and trust fund baby lotttery, you have a struggle.
I'm a short black man, I have my own struggles.
I may have you beat, I’m a short Asian man lol
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