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You had asked why would unhappy people choose to be around happy people. I gave an example of why they would do that.
I asked why would someone who resents another’s happiness (as in a wedding, per your example) be invited to the celebratory event by the bride/groom. Relative to the friends we choose (as well as family members), obviously, we know who is supportive and happy for us - and who is not. From my perspective, those who resent the couple’s happiness aren’t going to show up, even if they were invited; they’re too busy talking it down and looking for an excuse not to attend or buy a gift i.e. ‘they’ll be divorced in a few years anyway’ or other such nonsense.
That said, yes, why would they choose to be around someone taking shots at their happiness.
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 01-26-2024 at 08:31 AM..
Reason: added last sentence
I asked why would someone who resents another’s happiness (as in a wedding, per your example) be invited to the celebratory event by the bride/groom. Relative to the friends we choose (as well as family members), obviously, we know who is supportive and happy for us - and who is not. From my perspective, those who resent the couple’s happiness aren’t going to show up, even if they were invited; they’re too busy talking it down and looking for an excuse not to attend or buy a gift i.e. ‘they’ll be divorced in a few years anyway’ or other such nonsense.
That said, yes, why would they choose to be around someone taking shots at their happiness.
Because the unhappy person wants to inflict pain. And there ARE resentful people who want to strike others down.
I'm sure not saying it's normal, but it happens, and it happens frequently enough.
I asked why would someone who resents another’s happiness (as in a wedding, per your example) be invited to the celebratory event by the bride/groom. Relative to the friends we choose (as well as family members), obviously, we know who is supportive and happy for us - and who is not. From my perspective, those who resent the couple’s happiness aren’t going to show up, even if they were invited; they’re too busy talking it down and looking for an excuse not to attend or buy a gift i.e. ‘they’ll be divorced in a few years anyway’ or other such nonsense.
That said, yes, why would they choose to be around someone taking shots at their happiness.
I'm not sure that people always know who is happy for them and who is resentful. Sometimes a resentful person is not emotionally honest with themselves about how they feel, or honest with others. Sometimes people hide their resentment until they go to some event and get some alcohol in them, and then the ugliness shows up.
And sometimes people love a relative enough to hope that this time will be different, this time will be better, even if on occasion they have said something hurtful. People give other people second (third, fourth) chances all the time when they have a bond with them that they wish would be healthy and loving even if it has not always been in the past.
And then there are people who are "two faced" who may be very sweet and positive to someone who decides to invite them to a thing, but behind that person's back they say nasty stuff to others. A given person does not show the same self to all others that they interact with. And people who don't have great social skills, who say things that they think are funny but others interpret as hurtful or spiteful.
Plenty of ways and reasons why this sort of thing happens. If your own relationships with others have been clean and uncomplicated enough that you've never seen such things, then you're one lucky dude.
It’s natural for me to feel happy a lot of the time, and want to share that joy with others. But, some people just don't respond positively to happiness.
One time, I was in a particularly good mood. I was with a supposed friend who said to me (in a miserable tone), What? Did you just win the lottery, or something?.....I felt disappointment - he clearly found me annoying.
Basically I have been a happy person yet I have had periods in my life in which I was not happy depending on the situation (i.e.; when I was sick with chronic lyme and couldn't get a diagnosis for over 5 years after seeing many doctors). I was miserable most of the time but not all the time. I had this deep hope inside that I would get better and I did. I actually diagnosed myself but that's another story.
That said, I always enjoyed being around people that liked to laugh, act positive, etc. If people were negative I stayed away from them (again, depending on their situation).
Unless I am blocking it out, I really don't recall feeling resentful of others being happy. I feel happy when I see others who are enjoying life. I have been acquainted with people who put others down and my guess is that they are either feeling insecure about themselves or they are simply jealous. I had an acquaintance who I thought was my friend but she really wasn't, she was a user and jealous of most people. It's possible she was jealous of me as well, I don't know.
There are many people who are envious of others, resentful, etc. because they don't feel fulfilled in life (there are so many different aspects of feelings of fulfillment whether it's love, money, achievements, etc.).
I'm not sure that people always know who is happy for them and who is resentful. Sometimes a resentful person is not emotionally honest with themselves about how they feel, or honest with others. Sometimes people hide their resentment until they go to some event and get some alcohol in them, and then the ugliness shows up.
And sometimes people love a relative enough to hope that this time will be different, this time will be better, even if on occasion they have said something hurtful. People give other people second (third, fourth) chances all the time when they have a bond with them that they wish would be healthy and loving even if it has not always been in the past.
Everyone has said something hurtful on occasion, intentionally or not; I don’t think that’s the thread topic. That said, sure, but second chances need to involve a conversation (and one who drinks excessively is another issue). I stand by my point we know if our friends are happy for us or not (and vice-versa) as real friends communicate. Obviously, it doesn’t mean they’re free of negative emotion at all times; none of us are, but that’s different than being the type of person who is never happy for others.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
And then there are people who are "two faced" who may be very sweet and positive to someone who decides to invite them to a thing, but behind that person's back they say nasty stuff to others. A given person does not show the same self to all others that they interact with. And people who don't have great social skills, who say things that they think are funny but others interpret as hurtful or spiteful.
Eventually, folks show their true colors. Hence my point, we choose our friends. Why be around persons who constantly ‘say nasty stuff’ about others; sooner or later, it’s about you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
If your own relationships with others have been clean and uncomplicated enough that you've never seen such things, then you're one lucky dude.
I don’t know that luck has anything to do with it; communication is key. We control our own happiness and psychological health i.e. it’s not dependent on other folks, particularly those who carry anger, rage, jealousy or resentment about our (or others’) happiness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
Because the unhappy person wants to inflict pain. And there ARE resentful people who want to strike others down.
I’m not suggesting they don’t exist; there are folks who enjoy others’ pain (and want to inflict it). Again, I’m just stating your psychological health and happiness is not contingent upon theirs.
Meh. Sometimes those people can't acknowledge they are unhappy, and justify it to themselves.
OF COURSE I'm happy for them!
But I doubt it will last
It's good, but they didn't really earn it
Well, he kissed butt long enough, so I guess he earned it
Yeah, it's good, but watch them mess it up
They certainly took their time, but some people are slow learners
Etc.
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Meh. Sometimes those people can't acknowledge they are unhappy, and justify it to themselves.
OF COURSE I'm happy for them!
But I doubt it will last
It's good, but they didn't really earn it
Well, he kissed butt long enough, so I guess he earned it
Yeah, it's good, but watch them mess it up
They certainly took their time, but some people are slow learners
Etc.
I think we see that kind of attitude around here often enough.
I think we see that kind of attitude around here often enough.
Definitely.
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