Why do people feel resentful when they see others happy?
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It’s a matter of perception. In other words, how is another’s happiness ‘pouring salt into your wounds’? Your focus should be on your own life (and working toward resolution of any problem or misfortune) rather than on others, as the former is the easier/only way you’re going to get through ‘a particularly rough time’ and be happier.
OP here......Sometimes life throws you a curveball, and you can feel miserable about it. It's like - why are people happy? Why are they smiling and laughing? There's nothing to be joyful about, what the heck is wrong with everyone?
OP here......Sometimes life throws you a curveball, and you can feel miserable about it. It's like - why are people happy? Why are they smiling and laughing? There's nothing to be joyful about, what the heck is wrong with everyone?
That's a pretty perfect example of a victim mentality.
Happy people--as you perceive them--are doing absolute nothing that affects your well-being.
OP here......Sometimes life throws you a curveball, and you can feel miserable about it. It's like - why are people happy? Why are they smiling and laughing? There's nothing to be joyful about, what the heck is wrong with everyone?
My point is, it’s a matter of separating your life from others; their happiness is not (or shouldn’t be) ‘salt in your wounds’, as sparrow mentioned, no more than their misfortune should be your happiness.
It’s a matter of perception. In other words, how is another’s happiness ‘pouring salt into your wounds’? Your focus should be on your own life (and working toward resolution of any problem or misfortune) rather than on others, as the former is the easier/only way you’re going to get through ‘a particularly rough time’ and be happier.
Yes, it's a matter of perception. And I wholeheartedly agree with the rest of your post.
I also said this:
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Is it a good feeling? no. Is it healthy? no. Does it end up just making you feel worse or even ashamed? Yes, it can. Is it human? yes. It's human to not like salt poured in your wounds. And that's what it can feel like sometimes. Depending on the situation.
Sometimes, things can absolutely feel like salt is being poured in your wounds.
When dealing with trauma, and tragedy, sometimes things can sting you when they never would have before. I'm not talking trivial things, but major life events, here. It's not about a victim mentality. It's about the human mind struggling to cope with trauma. My example was one of those things. Your thoughts are good ones, and I absolutely agree with them, but no-one is immune to this very human feeling. It's what you do with it, and how you turn it off or turn it around that matters.
My example was one of those things. Your thoughts are good ones, and I absolutely agree with them, but no-one is immune to this very human feeling. It's what you do with it, and how you turn it off or turn it around that matters.
Absolutely! I agree no one is immune; my point is that the healthier one is prior to a tragedy or trauma, the less likely they will turn to dysfunctional or unhealthy coping mechanisms to get through it such as perceiving others’ happiness as ‘salt in their wounds’, per your previous comment.
As a personal example, my ex-girlfriend lost our baby a decade+ ago, but I never resented friends or colleagues who fathered babies around the same time (or since). It wasn’t ’salt in my wounds’, as our personal misfortune/trauma was separate from (and didn’t have anything to do with) other folks. I’m happy for them, and I’m happy relative to the life I now have as well.
My point is, it’s a matter of separating your life from others; their happiness is not (or shouldn’t be) ‘salt in your wounds’, as sparrow mentioned, no more than their misfortune should be your happiness.
Although, sometimes the resentment can be the catalyst for acceptance and making change. I remember feeling resentful and envious of people who had nice marriages, families, and homes of their own--things I wanted but were not available to me. At some point, though, I realized it was either continue to wallow in resentment and sadness or accept that this was my life and move ahead to whatever place in the world I might be able to find.
The key is not to pretend you don't have those feelings but rather to not let yourself get stuck in those feelings.
Although, sometimes the resentment can be the catalyst for acceptance and making change.
If so, and folks manage to turn it around, that’s great. Everyone heals and moves forward in a different way.
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Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
The key is not to pretend you don't have those feelings but rather to not let yourself get stuck in those feelings.
That said, my point is that focusing on others’ happiness (by being resentful of it) is not the shortest, easiest or healthiest way of doing so. It’s the same concept as feeling happy or elevated relative to another’s misfortune.
If so, and folks manage to turn it around, that’s great. Everyone heals and moves forward in a different way.
That said, my point is that focusing on others’ happiness (by being resentful of it) is not the shortest, easiest or healthiest way of doing so. It’s the same concept as feeling happy or elevated relative to another’s misfortune.
Yes. I guess a self-aware person realizes "hey, these people's lives have nothing to do with mine".
When someone is attaining happiness through unethical, or even illegal, means... then IMHO it's natural to feel resentment.
Is happiness that is ‘attained through unethical, or even illegal, means’ really happiness (or likely indicative of negative emotion or dysfunction)? Can a criminal and one who is unethical/manipulative or even narcissistic/psychopathic actually be happy? In other words, per the thread, it’s not resentment of their happiness you’re feeling; from my perspective, happiness eludes both sides in this equation.
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Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
Yes. I guess a self-aware person realizes "hey, these people's lives have nothing to do with mine".
Well said! Psychological self-awareness is the key to improving one’s own happiness (as opposed to being negatively affected by others).
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