Daily Joke Thread (Roma, Clint, Happy: buying, fence, clubs)

[SanAntoQT]

Originally Posted by Paka

And since SO many of you seems to enjoy the "old married" jokes, here is a bonus round today!

Your dog's barking at the back door.

Your wife's barking at the front. Who do you let in?

Well, it's your call... but the dog'll stop barking when you let him in.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Too true! I'll have to send this to my SO!

[sapphire]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?" "Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Jane. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the pistol until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands." "Good Heavens," cried the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?" The kid replied, "Stay the heck away from Aunt Jane when she's been drinking!"

[southdown]

Originally Posted by The Man in SATX

[SIZE=3] know that you've heard of Vincent Van Gogh, the famous Dutch painter.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]But you may not know that you're also very[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]familiar with 17 of Vincent's relatives.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]Doubt me? Then read through the following list. You'll surprise yourself![/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]1) Vincent's dizzy aunt -- Verti Gogh[/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]2) His brother who ate prunes -- Gotta Gogh.[/SIZE]

........SIZE]

But Gogh ..... is pronounced like..... with a 'ch' at the end......uh?

Pronunciation of the Name "Van Gogh"

from your friendly pedant

[sapphire]

Originally Posted by southdown

But Gogh ..... is pronounced like..... with a 'ch' at the end......uh?

Pronunciation of the Name "Van Gogh"

from your friendly pedant

Not in these here parts, it isn't.

[southdown]

Originally Posted by sapphire

Not in these here parts, it isn't.

Don't suppose he minds much, his hearing's not too great....

[SanAntoQT]

Originally Posted by southdown

Don't suppose he minds much, his hearing's not too great....

*rotflmao*

[AnthonySA]

Computer Viruses:

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses
of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes
little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting

The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then
e-mails everyone about what it did

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will
be back

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then
slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB

The Ellen DeGeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't
care

The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Re formats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch
floppy ... then discards it through Windows

[PopsGuysRule]

Originally Posted by AnthonySA

Computer Viruses:

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses
of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes
little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting

The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then
e-mails everyone about what it did

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will
be back

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then
slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB

The Ellen DeGeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't
care

The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Re formats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch
floppy ... then discards it through Windows

OMG... HYSTERICAL!!!! LOL

[SanAntoQT]

Originally Posted by AnthonySA

Computer Viruses:

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses
of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes
little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting

The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then
e-mails everyone about what it did

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will
be back

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then
slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB

The Ellen DeGeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't
care

The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Re formats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch
floppy ... then discards it through Windows

Priceless! *lol*

[PopsGuysRule]

[SIZE=3]Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."[/SIZE]