Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG
I get it. My children and I, as well as several of my grandchildren, also don't do well with breads and dairy so we avoid them. There are also other health issues. I don't care genetically where that came from. Maybe my birth dad's side of the family or possibly my mom's birth dad's side, but I'll never know and it doesn't really matter. It wouldn't help us deal with it any better.
My cousin also has been plagued with mysterious severe health issues. Get this. We were told as children that my Grandma was fostering her, then she moved to my great aunt's family where they fostered her, then my other uncle and his wife adopted her. Lo and behold, when Grandma passed the truth came out, she was actually our REAL cousin, secret child of my other deceased aunt and a married man whose family threatened them if the truth came out. That was shocking for all of us to find out.
My point is that many of us have crazy family pasts and health issues. It doesn't help at all to continue to look backwards at what other people did and as an adult and let that hold you back. I also would feel uncomfortable if I chose to live in my parents' home as an adult. Of course it feels like he is controlling you.
I just want to encourage you to get as healthy as you can, maybe do your own scrapbook with goals. And earn and save as much as you can so you have the financial capability to make your next move when you're ready.
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My dad isn't the problem, it's my mom. My mom is a controlling narcissist. I commuted to college because I wanted to save money to move out after college ended. I wanted to move either to another state or another country. I graduated with an English degree and wanted to go elsewhere, there aren't opportunities for me where I live. She just laughed and said, "good daughters don't move away. That's selfish." When I told her I was, she said something really horrible to me and wanted me to become a crime victim again. Now I work two low paying jobs and I'm in a lot of debt. I'm slowly getting out of it.
My grandma was awesome. She felt more like my mom and was very welcoming of me. I basically lived with her and stayed with her a lot until she died. In the days leading up to her death, I was with her and prayed that I wasn't the one who would find her dead. I still get depressed about her death.
She accepted me for who I was and before she died, I was a practicing Muslim for a little while. She made sure everything was kept halal and when I had Jewish friends over she made sure it was kept Kosher too. I know my religious journey now wouldn't bother her. It doesn't bother my dad, but it bothers my mom. I think his reaction back then was from being tired to hearing narcissistic gunk.
You're right. I guess I don't care about mom-mom because I can see things in my aunts and mom. With dad, it's hard to tell. However, knowing won't change anything. I still wasn't raised Jewish and my health issues won't magically go away.
Instead, I was raised Catholic but I was free to choose which religion I wanted to follow and when I left at 11, it wasn't a big deal. Maybe that's a blessing instead of a curse.
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