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Not EVERYONE who does this has a bad experience. As with almost any other endeavor, you will likely hear about those who have had terrible experiences.
When I posted, I received such a negative barrage of posts that I stopped reading.
I don't think that the OP is looking at pre-schoolers or infants. Neither was I.
In our state, people in their 50s and 60s are actively recruited to be adoptive parents. There is no upper age limit.
However, there is a course requirement. We are taking the course now. That course is for anyone, regardless of age, who wants to adopt a child from foster care.
I'm sorry about your thread. I sent the OP a message, hopefully she will come back. She hasn't logged in since posting.
Thanks for all the words of advise and concern. As I mentioned we did have two 17 yr old teenagers live with us for about a year, we learned a lot about teenagers such as lying, arguments, drug use, laziness...even walked in one pleasuring himself after announcing myself....that was unpleasant but we all recovered and it became the "house" joke. We had absolutely no idea what we were getting into but enjoyed it even with the challenges. I expect teenagers to act like teenagers which isn't always great, their brains aren't developed and they act like monkeys, I can deal with that.
We are only interested in teenagers over 16, even young adults aging out of the system. Would I go to school events, of course I would if it's local. Would I hang out with them after school, of course because I work from home and can pop out and see them. Do I need me time, yes I do because I'm not talking about a helpless baby or small child who needs oversight to be safe, I'm talking teenagers who have friends, like to go out, don't want to be seen with parental figures, play video games and have a phone surgically attached to their hand and a bag of doritos in the other.
I also mentioned we are finically comfortable and can afford car insurance and would probably buy another car for the kid or kids. My spouse only wants one child but I would prefer two or three. It's louder but they seem to thrive in pack.
With our exchange boys, we found a groove and everyone made it work. We were never the ozzie and harriet type, during the week we all did our own thing but also spent time together even if it was just watching tv at night, mostly they played video games and then we packed our weekends with together time, even taught one how to drive......the other boy wasn't ready. We hosted their friends for overnights, did normal stuff like that.
We understand most foster kids have trauma, my spouse and I have had our share as well so it's not lost on us. We are not prepared for significant behavioral or mental issues and have been honest about that. The foster process is lengthy and we were extremely honest in our home study so I know our lifestyle will be considered for the appropriate match.
We are not the "all american" family but I'm guessing none of these kids are coming from that environment anyway so I suspect we'll do just fine. Although I would still love to hear from anyone who was in the foster system or adopted as a older youth to see what we can do better or not do.
I'm sorry about your thread. I sent the OP a message, hopefully she will come back. She hasn't logged in since posting.
I am the OP! And thanks for the rep and for your support! I really appreciate it.
I originally asked if anyone had any personal experience with adopting OLDER children during retirement age. I wasn't asking permission.
People sometimes post and judge on threads where they have no actual interest and even less knowledge. This was one of those times.
Here are the FACTS -
1. There is NO UPPER AGE LIMIT on adoption from the Foster Care System. They look at each family individually. They actively recruit empty nesters because they are experienced parents, and they have realistic expectations.
2. People suggested that we foster instead. First of all, before anyone adopts from Foster Care, they must first take a three month training class and THEN foster the child they have been matched with. By that time, both the child and prospective parents know weather this is a good fit or not and if they want to be adopted. Both the child - or teenager - in our case, and the parents must consent to the adoption. If the young adult is not interested in having parents, they make that fact well known. Some have relatives or siblings who they want to live with, or look forward to getting out of the system and out of HS so they can do their own thing - hang out with their friends and work enough to get by. Others want to join the military and have no interest in family life.
3. Other older children are longing to have a stable family life. They have goals and aspirations that will be difficult to attain and navigate without a place to live and a supportive family. Some are interested in trade schools and others in college. Surprisingly, quite a few are excellent students, despite having lived a tumultuous life. There are kids who are not looking for mentors, volunteer workers, or paid counselors. They want actual parents who love them and a place they can always return to if things get rough - or a place to celebrate - whether it be a holiday, or an achievement in life. Many ask for a homes with a cat or a dog. A mentor or a CASA worker provides a different service. They are not families. These are not homes.
4. In terms of our ages - early and mid 60s - we are not 85 or 97. It seems many of you have an idea of the perfect age for an adoptive family - I am guessing 30s or 40s.
The fact is, people in that age group are almost always seeking either infants or toddlers - not teens or pre-teens. It's understandable - many people don't start their families at 21. Most of my friends had their kids in their 30s. I have a friend who gave birth to her two sons in her 40s and another friend, who I met through City Data who adopted two infant girls from Vietnam when she and her husband were well into late middle age. The girls are now 16 and 19 one is still in HS and the other is commuting to college. Both girls are doing well and their have been no problems out that were out of the ordinary. The parents ate now in their 70s.
I am not interested in infants and toddlers. I enjoy teens and tweens as does my husband.
At 63 I do not feel like a "little old lady" as I was called in an extremely rude post. I don't look like one either.
Many of these children will have NO ONE and NOTHING when they age out of the Foster Care System, and they are terrified.
Are these kids perfect? Of course not. However we aren't either. In fact I am not sure if I've ever met a perfect family.
The other odd question that was posed was had we discussed this with our adult children. SERIOUSLY? They both live and work out of state. We don't tell them who to date, when to marry or have children. They tell us. Which is as it should be. We have mentioned it and they were neither excited or upset. I don't think that they will look at them as siblings in the typical way, but hopefully they will see one another as relatives. It would be nice if that happened, but it's fine if it does not.
We are taking the class this Summer. We are not 100% sure that we will adopt, but we are serious enough to take the class.
Not everyone was negative and "judgy" - special thanks to Roselvr, KaraG ( who wrote me a nice note and apologized if she had been too negative, and Mod MightyQueen, who verbally kept me from being burned at the stake by the angry hoards. Lol!
My son and DIL fostered 3 siblings and then adopted them. To protect themselves and the children, they have cameras all over the house and can quickly review them on their phones. This has protected them from multiple allegations and has allowed them to see who did what to whom when the kids accused each other.
I want to add this, be extra careful if you foster two teens of opposite sex, even siblings. Two of my friends had very bad experiences with this.
Not saying no way to that, but it seems a bit invasive to me. From my experience with teenagers, it would be futile anyway because they can figure out any loophole possible anyway.
I am the OP! And thanks for the rep and for your support! I really appreciate it.
I originally asked if anyone had any personal experience with adopting OLDER children during retirement age. I wasn't asking permission.
3. Other older children are longing to have a stable family life. They have goals and aspirations that will be difficult to attain and navigate without a place to live and a supportive family. Some are interested in trade schools and others in college. Surprisingly, quite a few are excellent students, despite having lived a tumultuous life. There are kids who are not looking for mentors, volunteer workers, or paid counselors. They want actual parents who love them and a place they can always return to if things get rough - or a place to celebrate - whether it be a holiday, or an achievement in life. Many ask for a homes with a cat or a dog. A mentor or a CASA worker provides a different service. They are not families. These are not homes.
I am not interested in infants and toddlers. I enjoy teens and tweens as does my husband.
Many of these children will have NO ONE and NOTHING when they age out of the Foster Care System, and they are terrified.
Are these kids perfect? Of course not. However we aren't either. In fact I am not sure if I've ever met a perfect family.
We are taking the class this Summer. We are not 100% sure that we will adopt, but we are serious enough to take the class.
Not everyone was negative and "judgy" - special thanks to Roselvr, KaraG ( who wrote me a nice note and apologized if she had been too negative, and Mod MightyQueen, who verbally kept me from being burned at the stake by the angry hoards. Lol!
Sheena12 - You are my hero and much more articulate than I am. You nailed #3, which is why we are here.
The training is grueling but very helpful although most focused on little ones. Your story is great and glad to know we're not the only ones. We want our prospective kid or kids to have a home that they don't have to knock even after moving away.
It doesn't sound like you really have time or are willing to make all the changes necessary yo parent a child. Teens need more parenting than little ones and their problems are a lot more complicated. They need a lot of supervision, many agencies don't allow foster kids to get driver's licenses (you'd also have to work that out with your auto insurance - it's expensive to add a teen driver to your policy). You absolutely can't expect them to quietly wait for you to complete your "recharging" time until you feel like eating dinner.
Not to mention that the majority of teens in foster care have experienced a lot of trauma and most likely will have some very challenging behaviors - stealing (from you & others), lying, deliberately destroying your property, tantrums, drugs, running away and even aggressive behavior. They're not necessarily bad kids, but they need A LOT of attention.
You'll be expected to attend IEP meetings at school, meet with teachers, deal with meetings over any behavioral issues monthly visits with your caseworker and then also the child's caseworker, take them to/from counseling/therapy appointments which can be once a month or 3 times a week, doctor visits, dental, hair appointments, clothing shopping, hanging out with friends, arrange for them to get to/from school, visits with their birth family, plus all the normal activities teenagers are involved in. Many of them are required to participate in independent living activities so they'll have to work (you'll have to drive them back & forth). You'll need to eat dinner much earlier because you'll need to supervise homework, make sure they do their laundry, and be working with them on life skills. If you want to go out of town without them, you have to arrange to have a certified caregiver look after them. It's A LOT of work. I'm younger than you and have gone through it 6 times.
The one thing I have to STRONGLY suggest you consider VERY carefully are allegations. You'll definitely experience them, especially with teens. The most concerning and most difficult to protect yourselves against are allegations of sexual abuse. Especially towards the husband. It will destroy your life. The child is ALWAYS believed, and you don't get a chance to defend yourself. They have an entire system in place that is impossible to stop, even if the teen recants. I don't say this to scare you but to make sure you truly understand what you are taking on.
Maybe consider offering respite care for foster and adoptive families. That way you can help the foster or adoptive family get a break while you & your spouse get a taste of the type of disruption.
The agency here allows driving, that was my first question. Obviously I would take them to medical/counseling/non- entertainment appointments but if X wants to go to the midnight movie, he/she is driving themselves or their not going. We live in town where nothing is more than 5 miles away.
By profession, I investigate claims including sexual harassment and worse, no-one should be believed until a credibility assessment is completed and facts are gathered. If that was not the case you are referring to then the investigator was completely negligent and should not be called an investigator.
I hope that the agency you are dealing with has the ability to assess the best possible match for you and your husband.
I raised 4 kids and my only suggestions are that you set firm guidelines, don’t sweat the small stuff (it’s almost all small stuff), and try to keep your sense of humor.
Teenagers make mistakes...sometimes big ones, but that is how they learn. You are there to help and guide, not to micromanage everything.
Sheena12 - You are my hero and much more articulate than I am. You nailed #3, which is why we are here.
The training is grueling but very helpful although most focused on little ones. Your story is great and glad to know we're not the only ones. We want our prospective kid or kids to have a home that they don't have to knock even after moving away.
OMG - someone who GETS it!
When did you start? If I may ask, how old are you? Do you have other children?
I am on the thread that was merged. Are you interested in adoption or just stirring the pot?
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In fact I am not sure if I've ever met a perfect family. 
