Adopting teenagers from foster system, any advice?

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by cayennev8

Sheena12 - We are in our early 50's, started the process about a year ago. We never had children, I was chasing my career and I think deep down we didn't want to spread our DNA. I will be retired in 5 years and my spouse is already retired.

Training: Thankfully or not the training has been online due to COVID. we took 8 classes lasting about 3 hours each that took FOREVER to get through, we had to submit short summaries of each training to get credit. Then we had to sit through a few more hours on online shorter trainings and take on lines quizzes, that was another 3-4 hours. Then first aide with CPR which was another hour or so.

Application: Then we had to complete the application, including insurance, family history, get a medical exam, provide references, get fingerprinted for a background check, provided financial information, marriage license.....all of these pieces also took a long time because everything is kind of piece meal.

Home study: Yet more lengthy preparation. We had to go through the whole house and make sure we had fire alarms in all rooms, CO2 on both floors, liquor has to be locked up so we had to find a new armoire t be locked, Firearms need to be under lock and key so we bought a gun safe, and then put all the keys in another safe. All medications need to be removed from the medicine cabinet so we put that in the safe as well. the list goes on forever of what you can and cannot have in your house. Then we had to fill out the actual home study form which asks some pretty personal questions that requires time and thoughtfulness to complete, it was not easy for my spouse and I to talk about our past.

We have been assigned a home study person and waiting for the actual meeting to take place. After that we wait for a match and once that happens we get the childs house to house binder, assigned a resource counselor that is different than the childs social worker, and talk to the nurse who has all the medical records. then get the kid enrolled in school, buy them clothes and whatever else they need and go from there.

And this is why I need "me time".

I am so happy for you! Please keep me apprised of your process! We have been through many homes studies because we adopted our daughter, and hosted children from Eastern Europe over ten years ago.

What everyone here does not understand is that a CASA worker, a social worker and even a salaried foster parent do not, and never will, compensate for a FAMILY.

When they age out, they are alone in this world. Completely. There CASA worker isn't going to invite them to Christmas dinner. Their Social Worker is not going to provide advice about careers or college. Many attempt to rekindle a relationship from the parents they were taken from.

When they are accepted, they tend to repeat the same mistakes and habits of their parents.

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by gus2

Wow, wow, wow. I know C-D can be jerky but this is next level negativity.

First off, kudos to you for deciding to take this leap. You seem more than informed, capable, dedicated, flexible, and aware of both the challenges that may lie ahead as well as the characteristics about yourself that concern you. The fact that you're even worried about that indicates to me that you will be way better at this than you think. I say that as someone who had very serious concerns about the choices I was making, heard that same line from people around me, was convinced that they obviously didn't see the "real" me, and ended up realizing that they were more right than I ever could have imagined. And that's a tough process... not just admitting that I was wrong and that they were right but rather because I so instantly became the person I never thought I could be to meet another's needs. Gentle this journey is not.

And I think there is a lot of trust that comes out of honesty. "You're not perfect, I'm not perfect, but I'm in this for real, no matter what." That's what teens need.

They will eat when they want to eat. They will engage with you OR NOT when they want to. They will struggle. You will struggle. But I can't think of what you might need to be more informed or prepared for this journey.

Best of luck, and I hope you update us down the road.

I don't live my life in fear. I feel sorry for those who do. Thank you so much for the kind comments!

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by southernbelle2

This hit home for me because I had a relative tell us we were too old when we adopted our daughter when I was 39 and my husband was 46. She has 2 kids of her own in college but heaven forbid someone who's not in their mid 20's want kids. Needless to say, I don't spend much time around her and her judgy ways because I don't need her negativity. How dare she call us old!!! I was majorly offended and although the comment was made years ago, it still hurts.

People want kids for their own reasons and if you want to adopt, no matter what age you are, I say go for it because there are many kids who need good homes.

Too old at 39? Crazy and judgy!

She had two kids, but she couldn't support your desire to parent a daughter? That's hurtful.
My own sister who has four bio kids would NEVER take the leap of faith that adoption requires.

Your post hit home for me, too.

[southernbelle2]

Adoption definitely takes a leap of faith, lots of patience and love.

[EllieKay56]

A great place to look is Adopt us kids. They have state photo listing of kids that are available. I admire that you want to do this and wish you all the best. So many kids just need a chance.