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I can't think of anything more disrespectful than throwing away someone else's clothes, because "you" don't like them.
If this person is mentally well, that's different. But I suspect if that was the case, this thread wouldn't even exist... Bottom line, if someone is competent to make their own decisions, then let them!
Just imagine how angry it would make you if someone else threw out your favorite purse, or forced you to wear underwear that wasn't the style you preferred, or decided your comfiest sweater was out of style?
Hopefully your own caregivers are as respectful of you, someday.
Perhaps if you get someone other than family to help them they might be more receptive to the idea.
Honestly, what I consider wearable and what you consider wearable are probably different. It isn't just older folks either. My DD wears things I would never wear to certain events and I am sure she is thinking the same thing about me.
If it isn't depression or dementia then leave them be.
I can't think of anything more disrespectful than throwing away someone else's clothes, because "you" don't like them.
If this person is mentally well, that's different. But I suspect if that was the case, this thread wouldn't even exist... Bottom line, if someone is competent to make their own decisions, then let them!
Just imagine how angry it would make you if someone else threw out your favorite purse, or forced you to wear underwear that wasn't the style you preferred, or decided your comfiest sweater was out of style?
Hopefully your own caregivers are as respectful of you, someday.
If I wasn't respectful or did not care, this would not even be a problem . . . I am trying to find a way not to upset the person AND see that they are not embarrassing themselves in public. It is not just a matter of "comfy" old clothes . . . as I have explained, the clothing is ill-fitting, heavily soiled, badly faded, etc.
I have purchased similar style clothing, which was given away . . .
If I wasn't respectful or did not care, this would not even be a problem . . . I am trying to find a way not to upset the person AND see that they are not embarrassing themselves in public. It is not just a matter of "comfy" old clothes . . . as I have explained, the clothing is ill-fitting, heavily soiled, badly faded, etc.
I have purchased similar style clothing, which was given away . . .
Sorry, but it sounds like they embarrass you more than they embarrass themselves. If they don't care, and that's their right, they can't be embarrassed.
Perhaps it's just stubborness on their part but that, too, is their right.
It's interesting how people assume things based on so little info . . .in reality, people have commented to me asking me if I realize that the person is wearing stained clothing . . . this has happened with several people . . .they want to know if I know . . .
It's interesting how people assume things based on so little info . . .in reality, people have commented to me asking me if I realize that the person is wearing stained clothing . . . this has happened with several people . . .they want to know if I know . . .
Posters are responding to the information that you provided. Nothing less or nothing more.
Who are these people? If they are people you meet on the street, why would they care what anyone else is wearing? Then to make a comment about the stained clothing that an elderly person is wearing. Doesn't make sense.
This person is very old and very stubborn and very controlling and mean . . . and that's just the half of it (or not even that). The person will not allow any "help" - that would be the obvious, easy fix . . .If I could, I would wash everything and throw anything not good out, but the person is controlling and difficult . . .
Was asking for ideas from anyone who might have run up against this issue.
I have run up against this type of situation, not only with a family member, but while working in a nursing home.
There is no easy fix and what most family members come to realize is - this is not their problem, anyway. This is a personal issue for the elderly family member, not anyone else.
Seems from some earlier posts that you fear folks are gonna think badly towards you - assume you are too stingy to buy this person new items, think you are not a good care-taker . . .
Anyone who would hold you responsible would surely not be close enough to matter in your life, as one would assume someone who is so controlling and mean would be easily recognized by other family members as difficult and hard to deal with - so why would they think less of you b/c the elderly person wears old/stained clothing? They would surely assume - Old Uncle Jack is a mean SOB and he is probably holding out on wearing nice clothing just to spite Imcurious.
You should not feel embarrassed or distressed about someone else's habits as long as you have atempted to offer him new clothing, laundry service, etc. Unless there is a health issue and not a fashion issue involved, no reason to make this into your own issue wh/ you have to "fix."
I have run up against this type of situation, not only with a family member, but while working in a nursing home.
There is no easy fix and what most family members come to realize is - this is not their problem, anyway. This is a personal issue for the elderly family member, not anyone else.
Seems from some earlier posts that you fear folks are gonna think badly towards you - assume you are too stingy to buy this person new items, think you are not a good care-taker . . .
Anyone who would hold you responsible would surely not be close enough to matter in your life, as one would assume someone who is so controlling and mean would be easily recognized by other family members as difficult and hard to deal with - so why would they think less of you b/c the elderly person wears old/stained clothing? They would surely assume - Old Uncle Jack is a mean SOB and he is probably holding out on wearing nice clothing just to spite Imcurious.
You should not feel embarrassed or distressed about someone else's habits as long as you have atempted to offer him new clothing, laundry service, etc. Unless there is a health issue and not a fashion issue involved, no reason to make this into your own issue wh/ you have to "fix."
True, true . . . I guess I feel the person would be more comfortable in good fitting, new clothing . . . the highwater sweats are particularly unattractive . . . and my feelings about this are not that it reflects poorly on me (which I think that it does, somewhat, but I have no control over what other people think) . . .it is more my embarrassment FOR the old person - that they have no idea how they are really presenting themselves . . . that's more of the issue than what people think of me - I suspect some feel that I am not buying clothing, but I have no control over what they choose to think . . .
As far as any health issues, I don't know because I have no idea what the degree of the dirtiness is (don't want to get too graphic) . . . there are no odors that I am aware of - the person does bathe . . .it's just the old, horribly stained clothing (and again, don't want to go into detail but the stains are very perplexing) . . .
I wish there was a consultant I could hire to come in and assess such a problem . . .I have looked for geriatric counselors, but have not been successful in finding the type of person I am thinking might be helpful . . .
Last edited by imcurious; 10-10-2011 at 02:18 PM..
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