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Long story short. Married wife almost 6 years ago. About three years ago her dad was moved in with us do to his declining health related to his age (now 86 years old). We live in a tiny 14 feet by 48 feet two bedroom one bath mobile home. He's on home oxygen, blood thinners, and has the shakes.
Today was the worst. He'd just finished eating when he got up and hurried (his shuffling speed for hurrying) towards the hall. We heard a noise and saw he had the runs and was now tracking it all the way down our carpeted hallway to the bathroom. My wife has multiple spinal problems and is in constant pain. She got him into the shower to wash him and put his clothes to wash. I picked up as much as I could then used the Resolve carpet cleaner and scrubbed on my hands and knees the length of the hall. Though much better, I could tell there was no way to get all of it up with what we have at home. To make it worse, I leave for work soon for my 3pm to 11pm shift at the hospital leaving her alone here. My wife refuses to consider putting him in a home but if her physical condition gets much worse she may not have a choice. What is most frustrating is she has a brother and sister who each live in a large home with a spare bedroom and neither will take him in to care for him. I love my wife and respect my father-in-law (we both served in the Navy, him in Pearl Harbor as a hospital corpsman receiving the dead and wounded of WW2 and myself as a machinist mate working the engine room of a steam driven ship in Desert Storm). But I feel as if I'm getting close to the limit of what I can take. Any advice? Oh, my wife and I are 43.
I'm not sure how you can get your wife to get over her guilt and change her mind. Nursing homes are not evil. Sometimes they are the best solution. Can you hire someone to come into your home and help? Would your wife's siblings help with that?
That sounds like a tough situation, sailordave. Have you and your wife considered having a p/t in-home aide for while you are at work to help out? Or are there any resources available through the local VA?
Also, though it doesn't solve the problem, there are some decent carpet steamers that aren't too expensive that can help in pulling up accident residue from carpets (I have pets and am potty training, so I use my spot bot plenty!). Thanks to both you and your FIL for your service. I hope you, your wife and FIL can find a workable solution.
Overrule may have been the wrong word. But he should have MORE say than his wife because it sounds like he may be stuck with most of the work. ON TOP of having to go to work each day. Plus the wife doesnt sound like shes not in her best health which in a few years (god forbid) she may need to be taken care of too. Should he have to take care of both?
Overrule may have been the wrong word. But he should have MORE say than his wife because it sounds like he may be stuck with most of the work. ON TOP of having to go to work each day. Plus the wife doesnt sound like shes not in her best health which in a few years (god forbid) she may need to be taken care of too. Should he have to take care of both?
I didn't get that from his post at all. He only mentioned this one incident. We don't know who does what work every day.
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