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The journey of caring for one's elders is about as easy as a kayak paddle over Niagara Falls. It's always changing, fraught with stress to the nth degree, and typically far more different and outside our comfort zone than anything we've encountered. I applaud you for making self-care a priority!!
Your sister and you may have different spiritual beliefs, but that doesn't make yours wrong or less than hers. Whatever sustains her is fine, but your needs/views are different, and that's okay. That's exactly what I would tell her, too.
I couldn't agree more with you.
My father and I took care of my mother for almost 2 years after her stroke. While she recovered very well physically from it, she basically lost her mind. She needed care 24/7 a day. While she had her memory, and much of cognitive skills intact, she was emotionally insane 50% of the time. We had never had any good days - it was simply that some days were a little better than others. There were remnants of her old self that would shine, though, and bring us some light-hearted moments.
All said above, it was a life-changing experience - one that took me "over the edge."
The vast, vast majority of people have no idea what's in store for them should they have to care for their elderly parents the right way
I personally believe that spiritual beliefs benefit the person HOLDING THEM and that's about it. I mean, if you feel like it, listen to your sister but overall, that's my belief system. I think we're all in for a lot of surprises one day. I'll leave it at that.
I can't (listen to my sister on how she found "enlightenment."). Her enlightenment consists of drinking and drugs daily.
Of course, I will try to see it from her perspective but understand that it is hard for me right now.
I love my sister but I have a lot of animosity towards her. When my Mom was going through her addiction issues, my sister left it to me to take care of our mother, which, I made the choice to anyway. Then, she abandoned everyone three years ago and is now an addict herself. So, I need to work on forgiving her and acceptance and she needs to work on getting clean, if that is what she chooses.
The thing that worries me is that she designated herself as a power of attorney over my father's affairs and offered to have his investment property put in her name. When my sister puts her mind to it, she is fantastic with organization of things like finances and handling affairs. My sister only came back in our lives after my father had his stroke. I have seen my sister shed crocodile tears in a way that is very manipulative so she now has this power I find very worrying. I love my sister, but at the same time I am very apprehensive that she is using the situation to her advantage and could potentially harm my father's financial well-being, especially if she is still struggling with addiction.
I can't worry about that too much though. I am still taking care of a financially dependent mother that I need to work on finding resources for so that she can live an independent, happy life on her own. This is my main focus right now. My sister's actions towards our father's affairs are out of my control and I have to trust that they will work out in the best interest of our father. I will support and love my sister on her journey to recovery, but I cannot let her actions or potential actions consume me.
Fortunately, I have a brother that, albeit is pretty stoic about the whole thing and hasn't really done much where my father is concerned, he is 100% focused on our mother and making sure she is taken care of. I can rely on him to a degree to support me and be a sounding board when it comes to these concerns with my sister.
I have to trust in the process and in my own boundaries. I will continue to love my sister, but I also need to make sure I take care of myself and my own well-being. Forgiveness may come in time, but right now I need to focus on what is most important to me and let go of what I cannot control.
I joined a caregiving support group today so I am hoping to forge new connections and we can be a source of support for each other. I am also going to join a local church. I do think I could use some help with having more faith and things like that so I want to explore that. I felt very bad when I felt I didn't trust the process with God and that makes me sad.
I can't. I love my sister but I have a lot of animosty towards her. When my Mom was going through her addiction issues, my sister left it to me to take care of our mother, which, I made the choice to anyway. Then, she abandoned everyone three years ago and is now an addict herself. So, I need to work on forgiving her and she needs to work on getting clean, if that is what she chooses.
The thing that worries me is that she designeted herself as a power of attorney over my father's affairs and offered to have his investment property put in her name. When my sister puts her mind to it, she is fantastic with organization of things like finances. My sister only came back in our lives after my father had his stroke. I have seen my sister shed crocodile tears in a way that is very manupilative so she now has this power I find very worrying. I love my sister, but at the same time I am very apprehensive that she is using the situation to her advantage and could potentially harm my father's financial well-being, especially if she is still struggling with addiction.
I can't worry about that. I am still taking care of a financially dependent mother that I need to work on finding resources for so that she can live an independent, happy life. This is my main focus right now. My sister's actions towards our father's affairs are out of my control and I have to trust that they will work out in the best interest of our father. I will support and love my sister on her journey to recovery, but I cannot let her actions or potential actions consume me.
Fortunately, I have a brother that, albeit is pretty stoic about the whole thing and hasn't really done much where my father is concerned, he is 100% focused on our mother and making sure she is taken care of. I can rely on him to a degree to support me and be a sounding board when it comes to these concerns with my sister.
I have to trust in the process and in my own boundaries. I will continue to love my sister, but I also need to make sure I take care of myself and my own well-being. Forgiveness may come in time, but right now I need to focus on what is most important to me and let go of what I cannot control.
I joined a caregiving support group today so I am hoping to forge new connections and we can be a source of support for each other.
How did your sister "designate herself as a power of attorney" over your dad's finances?
Then you will probably take a back seat on decision making for your dad, if she has power of attorney now.
Yes, of course.
I suggested that we hire an elder attorney and to put his investment property in all three of his children's name when it was brought up but my sister said she will just put it in her name for now.
All I can do is trust that everything will work out as it should.
As long as my Dad is healthy and being taken care of that's all that matters.
I suggested that we hire an elder attorney and to put his investment property in all three of his children's name when it was brought up but my sister said she will just put it in her name for now.
All I can do is trust that everything will work out as it should.
As long as my Dad is healthy and being taken care of that's all that matters.
How old is your dad? Was he still working when he suffered his stroke? Is he collecting social security or a pension?
He's been living with a woman for 10 years. Has she been visiting him at all in rehab?
I suggested that we hire an elder attorney and to put his investment property in all three of his children's name when it was brought up but my sister said she will just put it in her name for now.
All I can do is trust that everything will work out as it should.
As long as my Dad is healthy and being taken care of that's all that matters.
Here's the thing - your sister has to, by law, as POA, do only what is in your dad's best interest, and what he would do if he could and if he CAN, then that opens up a whole other can of fish. But someone would have to probably bring a suit against her, otherwise she will continue to act as his POA.
She may be his executrix too. I mean, the POA ends at his death.
IT would be very easy for your sister to meet with his financial guy and put everything in your dad's name but with the three kids as joint beneficiaries upon his death. Like ten minutes max of her time. Meanwhile, he would be responsible, not her, for any taxes.
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